I COULD SWEAR I ALREADY DID THESE BUT I CAN'T FIND THE DAMNED THINGS SO HERE'S THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY - ALL THREE 'HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL' MOVIES...






House On Haunted Hill (1959)
House On Haunted Hill (1999)
Return To House On Haunted Hill (2007)

Wow, I must really have lost my mind because I swear I looked everywhere for my review of these movies and could not find them. AT ALL. I looked everywhere. It started when I got interested in an article about the type of gun the original movie used, and the way people in the movie took them and just waved them around everywhere like they were just, well, props. Plus there was a story problem with the remake I wanted to make sure I pointed out.


The original of course was the best, although very dated (duh, 1959). People have often gotten it confused with the Haunting of Hill House, a novel by Shirley Jackson, written in 1959. I have read more than a couple of people complaining that the movie "wasn't even close to the book". Well, duh. Can't really blame 'em though - when it comes to titles, that era seemed rife with similarities - House On Haunted Hill, The Haunting (based on Jackson's novel), The Haunting of Hell House (based on Richard Matheson's classic Hell House) - my conclusion is that their confusion was inevitable. So.

House On Haunted Hill (1959): One of William Castle's creations (Acclaimed The Super-Shocker Of The Century!) this spook fest was also chock full of stars - most notably Vincent Price as the cuckolded husband of a cold beauty. We've got Richard Long and Elisha Cook and several charactor actors with very long resume's.


In this version the story is superior, although the main dialogue of the women seems to be annoying, piercing screams. Just watch it for five minutes - you'll need to turn the volume down, guaranteed. However, it is still a blast to see Vincent overact, the cheap (but effective) special effects, and the schlocky horror story of a scheming woman getting what's coming to her.

Why did I even start looking? I happened to run across this sweet looking gun, a Colt Model 1903 Pocket Hammer. I wasn't looking FOR guns, just happened to see an article about the original movie and it showed this gun (and how actors in the movie would wave the damned things around in people's faces or swing it all over to emphasize words, fingers always on the trigger) and that got me looking for my movie review... these 'toys' that Vincent passes out to his guests now range anywhere from roughly $700 (if you want a piece of junk) to $2,500.00 and up...



House On Haunted Hill (1999): This remake was panned horribly by critics and yeah, I've got some major problems with it, but it hasn't prevented me from enjoying some of the silly little moments and it is in regular rotation in my movie watching list. But shit somebody dropped the ball (many, many times) while making this movie...

There are so many continuity, logic, factual, and (enter your preference here) errors that it's laughable. There are boom mics visible in a couple of scenes, Chris Kattan empties an already empty scotch bottle (twice), and the guns...

For this movie they used as 'party favors' the SIG-Sauer P228. As soon as one is picked up, it is noted that the magazines have been 'welded shut'. Hmm... would YOU want to put that kind of heat next to live ammo? The purpose was, of course, so that no one would know if they were really loaded with live ammo or blanks. Pfft... eject one, dummy, and you'll know.


From the silly beginning of the 'rollercoaster of the future' starting '20 stories at the top' (today's tallest in America is the Kingda Ka coaster at Six Flags in Jackson, NJ which starts at a staggering 45 stories) with a cameo of Lisa Loeb (singer and wife of Dweezil Zappa) and James Marsters (Buffy's 'Spike'), to the house (which in this version is actually an abandoned mental asylum of course) being the one who 'invites' the guests to the birthday party, this is pretty corny at best.

Geoffrey Rush, whose character was named Stephen Price as an homage to Vincent Price (although it is spelled as 'Steven' on the bank drafts and poster), actually tried to make his look to resemble Ed Wood but instead the combination of his look plus the mustache gave him an eerie resemblance to Vincent as well.

The story is really, really stupid but I still love it. We've got a great cast - Famke Janssen, who I'll watch in just about anything,  Taye Diggs, Peter Gallagher, Chris Kattan who was more hilarious trying NOT to be hilarious, Ali Larter (Final Destination, Resident Evil) as the strong female lead who did NOT scream thank you very much, and of course our main baddie, whacko doctor (because every insane asylum has one) Jeffrey Combs as Dr. Richard Benjamin Vannacutt.

The stakes go up thanks to inflation - where the guests were to receive $10,000 in the original version, this time they are offered $1,000,000 - if they live of course. Since they were really pushing paranormal stuff, this time the house is in control, somehow putting the idea of a party at the house in Evelyn's (Famke Janssen) head, having Price (Geoffrey Rush) agree to it, and have him make the invitations on the computer so the house could erase the list and make its own guest list and get the people it wanted.


This was about revenge. In the 30's, Vannacutt (Jeffrey Combs) was busy ripping people open. When they rebelled, setting the place on fire, he tripped a mechanism that sent the whole place into lockdown, with only five people escaping. The house wants those five - well, their descendants anyway. Duh. The fact that one is a phony and another was adopted doesn't seem to matter...

The 'party' starts with Marilyn Manson butchering a song by the Eurythmics as the guests go to their doom. Yes there are major tactical and logical problems with this story. See, Mr. and Mrs. Price, plus the three guests were picked by a computer to be there. But Blackburn (Peter Gallagher) was not. How did he get an invitation? The wife didn't choose or see the invites, and neither did Price. Duh.


Also a major point that bugged me - the strong female character Sara (Ali Larter) was passing herself off as Ms. Jenzen, one of the descendents. She told one person about it, and he wasn't even around to hear it, yet for the rest of the movie, everyone knew her by her real name. So either they cut out a whole scene, or they were just being lazy.

The freakouts are obvious, the special effects aren't bad, and there's enough gore for a '99 horror film. Again, despite everything, I love this movie. But...

Return To House On Haunted Hill (2007): This straight-to-video abortion is just awful. But I watch it anyway. Despite eight years in between movies, Jeffrey Combs returns as Dr. Vannacutt, and looks exactly the same. The only other names I recognized were Erik Palladino (Dead And Breakfast, 666 Park Avenue) and Andrew Lee Potts (lots and lots of stuff). So. There were several different types of guns and I wasn't particularly interested, sorry.

Even for CGI this is... just sooo awful...

Sara (because she didn't want to come back in another movie) has killed herself so her sister tries to find out why. Why bother when she never paid attention to her anyway, who cares? Sara, despite having millions (she and Eddie got all the money when they survived the first movie), lived in squalor, becoming obsessed with the asylum and the over-used mythology of Baphomet and has somehow gotten hold of Vannacutt's journal to try to 'find the evil' in the house. Umm, again, why? She's out and never has to go back, right?

But they wanted a movie so they slapped some bits from here and junk from there and pretended they were using the same 'house' (which, to be fair, didn't exist anyway). It had been assumed that Mr. Price had thrown a party, then massacred the guests - a hard story to prove since there were no bodies but...


To try to make it interesting (yawwwwn) they have two groups - one who wants the statue of Baphomet for a museum who are, uh, I can't even say good people - they just weren't as evil as the other group who wants the statue to sell, I guess. Sara's sister Ariel is roped into the search which shows more of the 'house' than the previous movie (not impressive in the least). 


To 'explain' things and keep the movie going, a former patient's spirit keeps showing Ariel the icky stuff that happened and how to stop it. Goodie. She's also there to get revenge for her sister Sara who was actually killed by Desmond (Erik Palladino).



Even getting to see Jeffrey Combs in this drek isn't enough to really hold your interest. They up the violence and gore of course, but the story and ending are so dumb that if this thing had a lot of errors, I couldn't pay close enough attention to tell you what they were. And I've seen this thing over a dozen times. Just the masochist in me, I guess.

AAAUUUGGGHHH! I just finished my review and was sorting through the pictures and guess what I found? You got it - I KNEW I'd done this before. Oh well, the original is dated 6/19/12 (since I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday I'm not too surprised I couldn't remember) but I did notice it's pretty bare so if you wanna, check it out but you really don't have to...

                        

HASBRO, THE MASSIVE WHORE, HAS PRODUCED THE HANDS-DOWN WORST MOVIE OF 2014 AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY HAS POINTED THE PLANCHETTE TOWARDS CHILDREN...

Ouija (2014)

I don't know why it is that the stupider the movie is, the harder it is for me to review it. Maybe because I read too much into it when it is what it is - massively stupid.

But this one takes the prize for worst movie of 2014 - hell, let's give it the worst for the decade. Found footage film? Nope. Shaky hand cam? Nope. Green night vision? Nope. The main problem with this movie is not that it's a 90 minute toy commercial (yes I know there have been a lot of those), but that this 'toy' they're trying to sell is dangerous. Not only are they trying to convey that this can be 'harmless fun', but the inevitable deaths of the movie duh teenagers in the movie are pushed as happening 'because they broke the rules'.


Oh Hasbro, you shameless whore. They made this movie and at the end we see "By Hasbro studios based on the Hasbro game of Ouija." NOOOOOO SHIT. You make a PG-13 movie for a game you deem safe for 'children 8 and up'. Nice.

The movie itself is totally predictable, if incredibly dry and... not scary. It's one of those movies that was so easy to map out that my Horror Movie Worksheet (patent pending) was filled out with very little changes before the first death. Oh yeah, people die here - no gore because this is obviously geared toward kids. After all, it's 'just a game', right? Those who die only do so by disobeying the rules, right? That doesn't mean the board is dangerous, right?

Hmm, they're adults and they seem a bit afraid of it. But then they werern't paid by Hasbro either. So.

If the game is so 'harmless', why are many people so very strict with the way the Ouija (they get really pissed if you say wee-gee) is used, list a ton of cautions about the potentially bad spirits that can appear and act incredibly frantic describing all kinds of supposed good juju to use to banish something that comes uninvited?

While we're on THAT subject, why would any parent want their kids to mess with something that could cause, in the best case scenario, several years of them crawling into bed with you or, if they're older, leaving all the lights on? Are you aware of who they may contact? Well...

So. Debbie played with a Ouija board with her friend Elaine when they were kids. She explains the rules very clearly:

• Never play alone
• Never play in a graveyard (cemeteries must be safe then, right?)
• Always say goodbye
• Circle the board once for each player
• Say, "As friends we gather, hearts are true, spirits near we call to you"
• Then say, "If there's a presence here please make yourself known"

Simple, right? These must be Hasbro rules, right? Umm, no. In fact, there are no solid 'rules' for, and I say this with bile rising in my throat, this "game". I found a PDF of an actual Hasbro Ouija box (never say I don't suffer for my readers) and the rules... ah hell, let's just say it's not what the movie said. If you go to different sites that proclaim they know all about these stupid things, they'll all give you different rules. Pfffft...

The point is that the phrases 'it's just a game', 'it's just for fun', 'they sell them at toy stores', and 'stop pushing it -  I'm not, you're pushing it' was repeated so often I cancelled the drinking game I set up for it 'cause even drinking pop instead of alcohol would have made somebody really sick. Or maybe it would be just from watching the movie.

So. Debbie, now a teenager, is playing the Ouija alone in her room. Uh oh, she broke a rule, she's gonna die. In a panic, she runs the board down to the furnace in the basement and burns the Ouija. Uh oh.

When she returns to her room, the Ouija board is innocently sitting, not even scorched, on her bed. That's 'cause Hasbro has thousands of these things they need to sell. She hangs herself, but to keep it festive for the kiddies, they have her hang herself with Christmas lights. Pretty.

But it brings up a question I have (not really, I don't give a shit, I'm just filling space). How come you can't burn a Ouija, but you CAN sell them to the highest bidder on eBay? Check it out - they've got every brand, year, and type imaginable with prices that go up to around $500. That's for a Fuld board - Fuld being the so-called 'inventor' of something that's been around in various forms since Bible times.

I wrote a brief history of these stupid things on my blog of April 29, 2014 so I won't go into great detail of these 'talking boards'. Just that they come in many forms and names to get around Fuld's patent and can be a simple as a glass on a wooden floor, if you're smart:

Okay, so you can be a part of the Idiocracy and still do this stupid and dangerous stunt.

Now Elaine is sad. Very, very sad. But she's not a blonde with big gazongas so nobody cares very much. But they all liked Debbie (a blonde with big gazongas) so they have a wake for her. Now remember, they're making this kid friendly, so you don't see horribly broken people sobbing like crazy, or Debbie lying in her coffin - just a bunch of nicely dressed people politely eating finger foods. How lovely.

Elaine never got to say goodbye. So going up into Debbie's room to pilfer all her expensive stuff... err I mean to sit and reflect on their friendship, she sees the board. Grabbing the board and planchette, she convinces the surviving group of friends to use it to say goodbye to Debbie.

Now there's four in the house - three girls, one guy. A triage ma trois according to the hubby (it was a slip of the tongue but I thought it was pretty funny). No, that doesn't mean anything, don't look it up. But since in stupid horror movies you gotta have five for a proper slaughter, they meet up with another boy who was kind of introduced during the wake scene but we don't really know any of these people except maybe Elaine and we don't give a damn about them either.

They gather around the dining room table. Now this is another quandary with this so-called 'game'. While some maintain that it is important to 'play' where you are secure and comfortable, others state to 'play' far away from where you are secure and comfortable because if something bad happens it ain't going to be so comfortable and you can't use that room no more for anything (except maybe torturing your younger sibling). Just kidding on that last bit. A little.

All put their fingers on the planchette, very lightly because everybody know that spirits are too weak to move plastic pieces of garbage (or fake wood, whatever) if you push down too hard. They're too weak to just talk to you and they're too weak to do anything else unless the script says they're strong enough to implode a house (Poltergeist). Why would they be weak?

They don't get an immediate response but that's okay, 'cause Hasbro says you should sit there very still for about five minutes to let the spirit have a chance to answer. FIVE MINUTES. If nothing happens, you need to try again... HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, GET BACK HERE! Here's another little tidbit from yet another source: 

You are able to guard yourself from evil spirits by stating that only good spirits are welcome to communicate. Make certain that you are in control of the board and don't concentrate on any other paranormal activity within the room, such as knocks, bangs, tapping etc. By asking the spirits to use the board or leave, you are protecting everyone present.

Pfffft... okay, demons can be controlled by stern words and basically telling them 'If you won't follow the rules I'm taking my toys and going home'. Can you see why this is such a baaaad thing to promote to kids?

Finally they get a 'Hello' which apparently is the signal that scary things are coming. Who is it? It says 'D'. Well, of course that means 'Debbie', right? What does she have to say? Remember now, this is kid friendly so the message is: YOU WILL DIE IN A PUDDLE OF BLOOD AND YOUR EYES WILL BOIL IN YOUR HEAD AND DOGS WILL LAP UP YOUR BLOOD AS YOUR HEART BURSTS AND...

Whoops, sorry - got carried away. The message is, 'Hi friend'. They all get really scared, but it must be Debbie, 'cause best friends always want to scare the shit out of you. That's why your favorite grandma haunts you and makes you wet your pants, or your mommy hovers above your bed, making nasty sounds and dripping goo on you.. oh wait, that was the time she was trying to get you up for school and her hands were wet from doing dishes, sorry.

Okay, this was too funny not to use - sample questions to ask your new 'friend' according to one source that I will not name:

1. When did you live on this world? Are you from earth, or another planet? (I peed myself a little bit reading this one.)
2. What's the name of the city, place or area you used to live? ("Was it Candyland?")
3. What was your occupation? Did you have any hobbies? ("Besides mass murdering teenagers and little old ladies I mean?")
4. Is there something you would like to tell the group? ("Like go screw yourselves?")
5. Do you have a name? Did you have a nickname you prefer? ("I'm sorry - did you spell Legion? We met that one last time - is there anyone else?")
6. Do you know anyone present in the room? ("Besides Elvis and Santa Claus?")

It is not advised to ask questions about your own death or the death of another person (because demons really don't know but they can arrange it if you push 'em). Just because the Spirit Board says something, you must not believe this to be entirely true (for instance if they keep insisting they're from Narnia or Planet Neptune). To verify answers, you can ask the same questions twice at different intervals throughout the session (because demons just love to be treated as if they're morons).

So, to sum up, Ouija boards are completely harmless unless you break the rules and then you die, or an evil spirit shows up and you have to (???) to get rid of it, or it will speak to you but don't believe it 'cause it lies.

Wow. What fun.


Huh? Ooooh, the movie. One of the chicks is flossing her teeth and suddenly the floss turns to black string and her mouth is sewn shut. She panics, hits her head on the sink and dies. Two down.

Okay let's speed this sucker up since we all know how this is going to go. Elaine finds out that Debbie found the board in her attic along with some other weird stuff. The group is getting killed one by one so she better hurry up. Oh and each one finds, in a different form, the message 'Hi, friend.' Wow. That's... dumb. And it also means it doesn't matter where the hell you play with the board, whoever you contacted CAN follow you because there's no walls to a freaking Ouija board.

Through some Scooby sleuthing, Elaine finds that there was a mother and two daughters who held seances in Debbie's house (yes, Ouijas are used in seances too) and the girls were sort of used as conduits, as good mothers will do to their kids. One girl disappeared and the other killed her mother - and was sent to a sanitarium (NOT AN ABANDONED ONE? WHOA!) for the rest of her life. Elaine goes to talk to her.

She meets with the surviving daughter (a puzzling appearance by Lin Shaye, recently of the Insidious series) who explains that their mother was evil, and used the girls talents. Her mother sewed her sister's mouth shut then killed her and hid the body. She had to kill her mother. 

So Debbie broke two rules (according to the movie) - she used the board by herself and she used it in a graveyard. Wait just one damned minute. Because there's a dead body in the house that makes it a graveyard? I really don't think so. At most it would be a cemetery, since graveyards are next to churches (nobody gets that right) but if we don't just drop it and go on... So. Find the sister's body, cut open her mouth, and everything's okey dokey. Pfffft...


Well if you know how horror movies go, you know what happens next. Elaine finds the body, the 'spirit' of the mother tries to stop her, but the girl's mouth is 'freed'. But the whole story was a lie. It was the GIRLS who were evil (DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUMB!) and the mother managed to stop one but the other got her. So now the sister's spirit is free to wreak havoc. Or just reek.

Elaine is losing all her friends. No, they didn't get smart and go home, they're getting killed 'cause they're just as stupid as she is. Whether it's being possessed then dying or just being tricked into getting killed, I'm not even keeping count of the bodies. Most of all I just want this moment to end. Apparently Elaine (and her little sister) are Latina 'cause their Nana knows what to do to save their little souls from the evil sister who now is running amok. They've got to take BOTH the body AND the board and burn them together. Why would that work when the other sister is still alive... I really don't care.

So. Evil dead girl tries to get Elaine's sister. Elaine almost sacrifices herself to save her. Dead Debbie shows up to save the day (Elaine 'sees' her in the planchette window), and the evil girl is stopped, Debbie disappears again and the sisters are free to... see a therapist for the next twenty years.

But WAIT! The planchette is still in her room! Elaine looks through it and... and... and...

The end.

Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me.  G O O D B Y E

                        

WHY PG-13 HORROR MOVIES HAVE GOT TO STOP AND NO, IT'S NOT FOR THE REASONS YOU THINK...

This was bad enough...

Let's Have Kids Enjoy Being Kids


Before I roll out the movie Ouija, rated PG-13, I thought I'd put my two cents in as to why there should not be PG-13 horror movies.

I'm not saying this because I want tons of gore, language and nudity in my movies - if a movie can be scary without that (and no shaky found footage shit either) then congratulations. But it STILL should never be rated PG-13.

The world today is a scary place, but believe it or not my young ones, the world has ALWAYS been scary. It's just that in today's world, news travels almost instantly across the globe. If there's a murder or a slaughter or a war, we know about it within seconds or minutes or hours. But this is not the point I'm trying to make. What I'm trying to say is, kids should have a chance to enjoy their childhood without being scared all the time about things they have absolutely no control over.

I'd seen horror movies when I was way too young. I didn't understand a lot of what I saw and had misconceptions about several things (if you've read my blog on my Reddit questions, you already know what I'm talking about). But what SCARED me when I was young was reality. Besides being in a nasty childhood which I won't describe, things were happening back then too that I should never have been exposed to.

This was more my speed...

I've told this story before so I'll keep it short. In the middle of the day, on the news (and this was local, there was no cable), they started with one of those 'If you have young kids in the room you might want to make them leave' type of statements which guarantee that any kid within earshot is instantly going to glue themselves to the screen.

A television journalist was working in Managua with his crew when they were stopped at a checkpoint. They had press identification for protection but things went fatally wrong. The journalist was ordered out of the vehicle. No one knows what was said, but suddenly the journalist was on the ground and moments later was shot in the head. I had nightmares for months from this. I remember praying over and over every night just trying to not be scared enough to go to sleep.

So watching horror movies? Pffft, piece of cake. But not for most young ones. Rating horror with an 'R' keeps the audience aware that there is really something to the movie, whether a scare or gore or language or nudity. When you rate a movie PG-13, people, including parents, seem to think that what that means is the movie is 'safe' for everybody.

Remember my story about watching Men In Black III, rated PG-13? It was a rare evening to get to watch a new movie in the theater, but I spent the movie trying to keep a 5 or 6 year-old from crying, she was so scared (her dad had to sit in another row). PG-13 does NOT mean okay for kids. It does NOT mean a family movie.

Anything with slimy black hair will do...

So. I looked at a list somebody had compiled and a lot of the PG-13 horror movies are knock-offs of Asian horror like The Grudge or The Ring.  There's Devil, The Sixth Sense, and Village (take a vacation M. Night), a whole pile of demon possession movies, and the movie I'm about to rip into little eensy teensy pieces, the Hasbro funded movie so originally titled Ouija, rated for ages 8 and up but rated PG-13, so... that math doesn't really add up either.

Maybe PG-13 should just completely go away. That way I won't be spending the very rare times I watch a movie in the theater comforting some poor little girl who's scared spitless. I ain't never been a mom and don't plan to be one so why should I protect some weekend father's kid from nightmares?

Okay that was mean, I'd protect any kid. What it all comes down to is that no one should have to.

                        

LET IT SNOW, MAKE IT GO, I DUNNO...

Okay, I'm Done With This Now

The 'dusting' of snow we were supposed to get turned into a four inch frozen nightmare that they promise (yeah, right) will go away today or tomorrow - I'm not holding my breath, but I AM taking a snow day (hey, if the school kids get to use that I'm gonna too) and so the horror movie reviews will have to wait just a little bit longer - but then you were expecting that, right?



If there is anything good to say about fibro (and there isn't), it's that you can bow out of stuff when ya gotta, which is most of the time. AND it's cold. So wherever you are, stay safe, stay warm, stay sane. And for God's sake, PLEASE take care of your pets and keep them sheltered! I'm going nuts here listening to some poor dog barking and howling, probably 'cause it's tied up somewhere outside. In THIS. People who do that should be tied up naked in the woods for a couple of hours and see how they like it.

Yup.

                        

PART TWO HORROR MOVIES THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE (OH YEAH, I DID THAT ALREADY)... LET'S CONSIDER SOME MORE GREAT REDDIT RESPONSES...

Reddit Users Are Both Creative And Too Damned Young

The snow is still here, probably because I'm trying to get this out before it melts and that means I only have hours to do this and so here we go:

So. Enough jabbering and let's look into someone else's brain pan for a bit (again):

Does Anyone Actually Have One Of Those Dreams Where You Sit Up Gasping Or Screaming?

I forgot to tell the reason I asked this. I've personally NEVER done this, no matter how bad the dream. I watched a couple of seasons of Medium on Netflix and all I could think of was if she were my wife I'd make her sleep in her own damned room (she sits up and gasps several times an episode which ALWAYS wakes up her husband). I mean once in a while you can't help it, but every night? So I asked and this is what people said:


1. As far as not remembering them I get that sometimes too. Just waking up choking with a strong sense of uneasiness. - thegreatbrah


2. Honestly RECALLING the dream is not as scary as HAVING the dream was, I'm not sure anyone would actually be that interested in a story about a zombie virus that I managed to cure when Stanley Kubrick told me where to get the flower to compile in the computer and something about airlines. But I guess I could try to make it into a proper narrative, if you really want. :O - lyssavirus  Miss Murder says nope, your dream sounds scary and inventive enough, I'm not gonna ruin it...







Has Anyone Had An Interesting Lucid Dream? I Mean, The Kind Where You Look Around And Try To Remember Things Because You Definitely Know You Are Dreaming?

I realized I forgot to say why I asked this... with me, lucid dreaming is a definite mood lifter. After I have one, I always feel better, no matter how horrible or sick I felt when I fell asleep. Yes, I fly, or visit strange places, or see people I've never seen before. Our minds are a terrific mechanism that no one quite understands. I say I've never seen the people in my dreams, but obviously I've seen them somewhere, and they are stored in my brain, even if I can't remember them.

The best are, of course, of flying - although I have had some as 'tame' as simply being able to float about six inches off the floor. A silly one I was fully aware in was shopping at the grocery store, pushing the cart along but never touching the ground. For me, flying in a lucid dream is problematic. See, I can fly, but if I overthink it in my dream and realize that I AM dreaming I also realize that I can't really fly and sometimes I crash. 

I've seen familiar sites (like the Columbia Gorge) except in bright color like you'd find in the painted desert of Arizona. I've stood loving all the colors, knowing full well it was a dream.

The most vivid (and fun) was one of the first I'd ever had. I was at a fair (rides and cotton candy, the whole bit) and I knew I really wasn't there so I made it a point to focus on the people. Sometimes in lucid dreams, attempting to focus on faces or printed words will knock me out of it but this time, I remember faces, what they wore, the smells, even the garbage. I did not know a single person I saw. That was so damned cool, I was almost euphoric when I woke up. 


1. I have them all the time. One of my favorites was where I found myself in a forest looking at a well. All I could think was "Why the fuck would that be there?" And then, Samara started crawling out of it. So I noped the fuck out. And ended up in another place entirely, far away from the creepy little girl. - annarchy8


2. Sure, depends what you consider interesting. Usually I just fly around or have conversations, stuff like that. I got interested in trying to practice lucid dreaming after seeing Waking Life and I can pull it off on occasion but it usually doesn't last very long. - RobAChurch

What Is The Creepiest Thing A Doctor Ever Said To You? 

1. Doctor went to have me turn my head and cough bare-handed. I asked her if she was gonna put on gloves. She said, "I only do that with ugly or gross b@||s. Yours are nice enough." My wife was in the room... We changed pcps after the apt. My son's Dr. asked recently if our son ever stared at the moon for long periods. I told him no, and asked why. "No reason," was his answer.

What Is The First Horror Movie You Ever Watched - I'm Talking About Your Earliest Memory?


I asked this one because I remember watching Wait Until Dark and Play Misty For Me when I was very small - and getting in trouble during PMFM because I wouldn't cover my eyes during the ax scene... One mentioned Tommy, which wasn't technically a horror movie but scary as shit nonetheless... I had seen that one too and learned three lessons from these movies: 1. Leaving the refrigerator door open will kill you (misunderstanding WUD), 2. If you watch too much TV, poop will come out and make you swim in it (misunderstanding Tommy), and 3. Killing someone with an ax is okay as long as you close your eyes (misunderstanding PMFM). Anywho:

1. I think mine was The Legend of Boggy Creek or Cat People. Both are pretty early memories. - dondo09


2. First I truly remember is Child's Play. I refused to go to bed, even after my parents told me they were planning on watching a scary movie. They turned off all the lights in the house, and proceeded to watch Chucky with their 4/5 year old in the same room. I was absolutely terrified of the killer doll, and further more, too scared to leave the room since the rest of the house was dark.

My parents got a kick out of the lesson they were teaching me about disrespecting their orders, but for years after that I was insanely scared of Chucky. I couldn't go into movie rental places If there were Chucky posters on the wall, or the movie was on the shelf. I would have to walk by and cover my eyes, repeating: "The Brain, The Brain, The Brain" because for some reason The Brain was a good guy in my eyes, and he would keep me safe. Needless to say, my mom was reaping what she sowed when people saw and heard me doing that! :P

It wasn't funny, though, kids just saying his name in school or on the bus would make me break down into hysterics. I was teased relentlessly over it.

I finally decided one day to beat this fear... Stared in the mirror and just kept repeating his name until suddenly, out of the blue, it was okay.

Anyway, I was never mad at my parents about what happened. I love all things horror now, and I thank my past for that. :P - Vore


3. Saw Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare at the age of 3 one year in Florida when on vacation in Disney World with my parents. Went to a theater nearby and they knew I enjoyed horror films from what I always chose to rent at the video store or watch on TV. They didn't give me the 3-D glasses though for fear that I'd get too scared (I guess there's a line somewhere). I remember watching the whole movie and being pretty well-behaved for a 3-year-old. It was one of the experiences that started my love for horror, pointless sequels, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and gave me everlasting nostalgia for a film that everyone else hates. - HESPECTtheCHRIS


4. King Kong at 4 - parents let me stay up late to watch in on BBC2. Not really a horror film as such, but had elements of horror. Also Theater of Blood, as a New Year's treat with the family when I was 7. - Gorshiea


5. Amityville Horror. My aunt opened a bible on the tv and we wrapped the movie in a plastic bag and left it on the patio. We returned the tape the next day. - OnlyTookTenMinutes


6. Nightmare on Elm Street when I was about 6, a baby sitter put it on and let me stay up to watch..... I didn't sleep properly for months! Loved it though :) - Subver5ion


7. It was either The Boogey Man (1980) or Sisters (1973), I really can't remember. There were images from both films that lingered with me from being about 3 years old (born in 79) but it wasn't until the internet picked up that I managed to find out what they were both called. - fatguy666


8. These weren't my first because my parents woke me up for the 3rd feature HOUSE OF USHER because they knew I'd want to see it (and in fact insisted) but I remember seeing THE CONQUEROR WORM and HOUSE OF USHER at the drive-in when I was 5. Awesome! - darklordrob


9. The original Evil Dead. I think I was 4 yrs old. - Pssshhhttt


10. I watched Freddy's Dead on UPN on Halloween Night '96 as a 5 year old. The fact that I didn't find it scary speaks volumes about the quality of that film. - ratey


11. The Shining. It was my favorite movie when I was five. unyieldingwish


12. It was either Jaws or The Exorcist. - daymanuahh


13. Alien. My dad loves that movie. - misfitxj


14. The first movie I remember being truly scared by was the relatively age-appropriate "Watcher in the Woods" at 6 or 7 years old. The funhouse mirror scene in particular kept me up at night, as I recall. - abilliontwo


15. They Live - beige4ever


16. Salem's Lot. - PoopyMcpants


17. Stephen King's IT for me as well. I remember my dad was out of town on business and they were going to air the first part that night. I BEGGED my mom to let me watch it. Hell, she already let me read the book and it is on TV, I figured it can't be that bad...

I went to bed that night and all I could see was that clown, the lifeless eyes of adult Stan and the blood written word IT on the bathroom wall. That shit stuck with me for a LONG time.

Now that I am an adult with kids of my own that want to get into horror, I feel it is my duty to work the way up to that type of film for them. But they will see it. And I am sure, Pennywise will haunt their dreams as well. - theenigma31680


18. Friday the Thirteenth part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. I was about seven and I remember watching it with my grandfather, who was asleep for most of it. Watching Jason kill a teenager with a hot sauna rock is my first slasher/horror death I can remember. That's what I call letting off steam. - Blackwaltz25


19. For me it was sitting in a movie theater as a three-year-old with my mom and seeing the trailer to Cronenberg's The Fly I remember the quick green cuts of the writhing fly-thing and Jeff Golblum sobbing "Help me" at the end over the title card.

For YEARS I thought about that trailer and never knew what it was until I rented the Fly on DVD in my mid-twenties and watched the special features. It was serious closure. - Montese_Crandall


20. Creature from the Black Lagoon. I was in love with Scooby Doo and monsters, so I became hooked on the Universal monster movies. I saw Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein earlier, but it is not exactly counted as a horror movie. - AtomicAnarchist


21. First movie I remember watching that freaked me the f*** out? Parents took me along to the original theatrical release of The Dark Crystal. Not horror, but, when you're two years old (Born in 1980), those Skeksis are pretty damn scary... Screamed so damn bad the folks left the theater five minutes into the movie...

First legit horror movie I ever saw? My dad sat me down and we watched Alien and Aliens back to back when I was around 6 or 7. I didn't process much of the story line in the films, as I was too busy being scared shitless. I think my birth father, as scarce as his presence was during my childhood, was the main contributor to the horror fanatic that I grew up to be. Hell, I remember he used to read me IT as a bedtime story in elementary school. Yeah... - Cornelius_Talmage


22. Nightmare on Elm Street. Cousin showed me while he babysat me, lead to a wonderful love for horror movies. - heypuddin


23. Child's Play. I felt so guilty because I watched it at a friend's house and I knew that my parents wouldn't have wanted me to see it haha. - Matty_James


24. Pet Semetery - bayraycoon


25. I saw part of a Frankenstein-esque movie when I was about 5 or 6 (looking back, it seems like it could have been Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, the Robert DeNiro one, but the details I remember are a little different). I distinctly remember people's hearts getting ripped out of their chests. It scared the crap out of me, and for a while after that I cried at every bedtime because I was convinced that the monster was going to come in the night and rip my heart out. - PenelopePickles


26. It's Alive. Not sure how old I was... less than 10 for sure, and way too young to see it. All I remember is the initial scene in the delivery room, blood being spattered all over the walls, seeing this thing and then me saying "nope nope nope nope" as I hightailed it to the theater bathroom. - danthebaker


27. Stephen King's "It". I remember something about hoovering, and my mum telling me to go outside and play but I was scared shitless. This may have happened in the film; I actually haven't seen it since! - NoMoreAnxiety


28. Child's play when I was 4. I was both traumatized and completely obsessed by it. - There-Wolf


29. True horror movie? Night Of The Living Dead. I was forced to watch so that boys wouldn't have me run to their arms if we went to see a scary movie. Movie I saw and had nightmares about is Tommy - the musical. Man, I can still see that iron maiden of drugs. - ilookedinthebox

30. Event Horizon. Still scares the shit out of me. - THBlueSquirrel 

31. I'm thinking Freddy Vs. Jason was the very first one I remember watching. - The_Other_Dragonborn 

32. Either The Lost Boys or Fright Night. - emf13

33. I'm still young (19) but probably The Ring shortly after it came out. One of the first horror movies I didn't nope out of as a kid. - brightfalls

34. The first one I remember seeing was Suspiria, when I was about 4. I was more awestruck than scared. For years afterward I couldn't remember the name of the movie, but I remembered the flowers on the wall and the girl falling into the barbed wire. It took me forever to find it, because those two scenes were all I had to go on. I watch it at least once a year now. - staygoldponygirl88


35. Can't remember specifically, but my dad would watch King Kong, Frankenstein, Wolfman, etc with me since I was 4 or 5. - SauzaPaul


36. The Thing, John Carpenter's version. I know there were earlier films I saw, but I can't remember them. That one, coming out when I was 5 (I saw it at a friends house a year or so later while his brother was watching it on HBO) simply obliterated all memories of horror films previous. It was monumental in my childhood. - GaijinSama


37. The one i remember the best is probably IT (the one based on the stephen king novel). That scene where the little kid goes to pick up his paper-boat from the sewer drain and Pennywise shows up, is still stuck in my head. Very creepy. - danigazm


38. Poltergeist. - murderface403



There's probably more and I promise once I get back upright again, I'll print them as promised and I thank everyone who were willing to share the weird and the wonderful stuff in their minds...