I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Movies So Bad They Make You Say "What In The Blazes Did I Just Watch?"


The Host (2006, South Korea)


Let me say, without any prejudice  whatsoever, that Asians have a very different idea about what makes horror (or comedy) than we do. If you've every tried to get through any Eastern-produced movie you know pretty much what I'm talking about. In South Korea this was considered a 'blockbuster' comedy/horror film.


Oh. My. Goodness.


Basic plot: An American coroner working in South Korea (we The Walking Dead fans know him as Hershel Greene, the veterinarian introduced in Season Two) orders his Korean subordinate to dump dozens of bottles of formaldehyde down the sink which dumps into the Han river. The coroner knows this goes to the river but doesn't care (the first of many anti-American slams presented in the film). Meanwhile, a bankrupt businessman commits suicide by jumping into the Han river, presumably mutating him into a monster.


A family that is portrayed as dim-witted (their presentation, not my opinion) is affected when the monster, who appears on land and begins to kill people right and left, grabs the small girl of the family.


This is funny? The family spends the rest of the movie attempting to rescue the girl who is actually alive and calls them for help. Ultimately, they fail, but a small boy who the young girl rescued is taken in by the surviving family member (He didn't have anyone looking for him? They can just snatch a kid and it's okay?) and becomes his 'new' kid.


Anti-American sentiment is present throughout the film to the delight of North Koreans, who usually don't like anything out of South Korea right now. The American military is shown to butt into their business, attempting to kill the monster with 'Agent Yellow', a thinly veiled reference to Agent Orange.


And you've just spent more time with this movie than anyone with a pulse should.