I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Movies So Stupid They're Almost Good - No, Wait, They're Still Bad 

Rocktober Blood (1984)

After seeing really stupid stuff that taxed my brain I decided to go with a straight, brainless slasher flick. You know, the kind where you guess the ending five minutes into the movie and so just wait for it to play out. And yes, this is exactly that kind of movie. If you want to hear wailing 80's type songs, outfits, hair, etc. just turn your brain off and let the movie run.

The films opens in a recording studio, where Billy "Eye" Harper, (Tray Loren), is wailing away, sort of like he's trying to be Mark Slaughter, and finishing he goes off to find easy women booze and drugs. His former girlfriend Lynn (Donna Scoggins), is left to sing the harmony tracks although he had promised her she would sing lead in this particular song. Lynn is left to herself to go up to the jacuzzi upstairs, after refusing Kevin (Kevin Eddy) the recording engineer's offer to join her. Meanwhile Billy returns to the studio, where he finds only Kevin and Mary, Kevin's assistant. Billy, out of nowhere, kills Kevin by slitting his throat, and impaling Mary. When Lynn returns she finds Billy smoking some drugs at the recording studio's control panel. Lynn discovers the bodies and Billy tries to kill her, but security guards save her, and Billy runs off. Skip ahead two years.

My vocal cords don't move just 'cause I'm that good.

Billy was apparently caught, tried, convicted and executed, all the while claiming his innocence. Lynn has now taken control of the band and sings lead. It is now the Rocktober Blood Tour Press Party, and Lynn and the remaining band members are performing in the concert. A mysterious figure then appears in a Halloween death mask, and tells Lynn to meet with Chris (Nigel Benjamin), the band's manager, in the office. When she arrives in the office, she is cornered by Billy, who leaves her curled up, and crying on the floor. After that, Billy persistently stalks Lynn, killing people involved with her along the way, but hiding the bodies, to make others think she's crazy. 

Pat Benetar? Who the hell is that?

Eventually Lynn with help from friends digs up Billy's grave. They find out that, yes, Billy is very dead, and Lynn assumes that she's going nuts. The next night, Lynn and the band are getting ready for the show, when Billy reappears, and tells Lynn that he's really his twin brother, John Harper (Gasp! I never in a million years saw that coming! Okay, right from the beginning I really did, I confess.), and that she identified the wrong man. John tells Lynn that the people he killed valued Billy 

more than him, even though he wrote the 

Close the coffin dammit I'm dead!

renowned songs himself. Then John knocks her out and she's put in a prop coffin. When John removes his mask however, he sings just as Billy did to the delight of the crowd, even as he slaughters the 'extra' women handcuffed to the stage (they think it's part of the show) and then prepares to kill Lynn. Chris finally figures it out (massive duh) and when the time is right (How the hell would he know?) John is bashed with an electric guitar, supposedly electrocuting him. But he keeps singing. And the movie ends.

Electrocution just makes me sing higher.

See? No brain cells necessary for this one. And you don't have to watch it either,because I watch 'em so you don't have to.