I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM PART FIVE AND FINALE

Maplewoods aka Operation: Nazi Zombies (2003)

First of all, I have no idea why it was originally called Maplewoods. Second, I don't know why they changed it to ONZ because there isn't a single damn Nazi in the whole movie. Oh the whole thing was supposed to be the FAULT of Nazis, but that's still a big stretch for a big retch of a movie.

Sorry, but after watching horrid after horrid movies made by Brain Damage, and knowing that this film is basically an ego trip of one David Stewart III who - now dig this - made this piece of garbage, he also acted in it, was the set director, composed music, operated a camera and designed costumes. Sorry David, you are no Tom Savini and this is the sorry ass proof of that.

As usual, the CIA, not having America's best interests at heart, conspire with the Army Chemical Corps to recreate a Nazi experiment to make soldiers keep on keepin' on even after they're dead. Nice. No retirement for our brave boys - crack that whip you bureaucratic ticks. Hmm, I think I'm in desperate need of a nap.

Anywho, of course everything goes to hell and so they send in Special Forces to clean up the mess - which just makes a bigger mess as zombies attack and more and more BECOME zombies so, you know, more mess... and we have to live through this for 87 minutes. Sigh. That's about it. It's bad, it's cheap and it's not as advertised. And I'm done.