Night Of The Scarecrow (1995)Teenagers are stupid and deserve to die. At least in horror movies. This less less less than zero piece of garbage was supposedly set in Washington (that usually means British Columbia) but this particular horrid movie was made in California. And there's cornfields. Lots of cornfields. See, in bad horror movies, if kids are going to break into a building, it's an abandoned hospital, asylum or prison. If they're going to be in the country, they're in a cornfield. You don't hear of teenagers getting slaughtered in the strawberry fields, or wheat - it's always corn.
It has a long back story but basically the townspeople were desperate for good crops and willing to let a warlock of some kind work magic so they could have lots of good crops. But like every other story where people do something bad to get something good, as soon as they got it they turned on the warlock, trapping him in the cornfield forever. Or at least until some dumb drunk kid messes with farming equipment and breaks the 'seal' that is holding him down and he rises. Oh please kill 'em quick.
So as a scarecrow he rises and starts killing. He's trying to find a book to become a real boy again. But first he has to bore us for 85 minutes. Two try to stop him and we really root for them. Nah, just kidding - I'm hoping for quick deaths. There are bad puns throughout this turkey, a deputy with a six shooter that he apparently got from the magic firearm store 'cause he shot a lot more than six times.
Now I expect to get a lot of flack for this review - it's been called one of the best scarecrow movies of the 1990's. By somebody. Somewhere. Not me. And trust me, not you. And if you DO think this is a good movie, just don't post it on your Facebook page, 'kay? Potential employers look at that stuff.
No comments:
Post a Comment