I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Movies So Bad They Make You Say "What In The Blazes Did I Just Watch?" 




End Of The Line (2007) Canada:


I think what shocked me most about this movie was how many reviewers actually seemed to like it. Maybe they were all Canadian. Or haters of religion. Or good movies. Or just blind. This is such a clunker/stinker of a movie you wonder what the hell they were thinking even trying to make this a plausible movie much less one that shows some kind of plot or sense. Nope, this is pure garbage, and a whole lot of it. It is described as 'unsettling', 'creepy', 'scary', blah blah. I would merely put it as.... duh.


Plot: Karen is a nurse working a late shift at the hospital on the day that a former patient committed suicide by jumping in front of a subway train. Apart from having terrible nightmares of eyeless and mouth-less people, Karen also appears to suffer from sporadic hallucinations. On her way home, while waiting alone for the subway train, she sees the bloody corpse of her ex-patient on the tracks. Fortunately, Karen runs into Mike who keeps her company when they board. Unfortunately for both of them, several members of a cult-like global Christian group (which is already a major duh, as global Christian groups are not 'cults' but...) are on board as well, all carrying pagers and overlarge crosses. But they smile pleasantly and play nice like good Christians should. 


The subway travels underground this unnamed city, made I suppose a little creepy since it's late at night (I live in the country.). Things seem... boring as hell when, one by one (Why not all at once? Isn't that how they work?) the 'Christian's' pagers go off. They then stand with their large crosses, which unsheathed reveal to be large daggers. It is their sworn and religious duty (Is that supposed to be creepy too?) to slaughter everyone not involved with the 'movement' to 'cleanse their souls' before the demons come. Huh? Where in the Bible is that taught exactly? Oh wait, I'm asking intelligent questions from a major duh movie. A small group of non-zealots on the train panic and try to get away, some getting slashed up for their efforts, including the subway operator, which brings the whole thing to a screeching halt. Now all are trapped in the tunnels. 


Those that get away (including Karen and Mike although we really don't care) find a couple of maintenance workers (must be getting paid double-time) who show them passages to get to a locker room to bar the door shut and keep away from these 'God be with you' whack jobs. Again, where in the Bible.... ah, never mind. Once in the locker room they turn on the TV to find out if this is just a fluke or.... They hear the voice of an evangelistic preacher who's been gaining a huge following (I wonder if he has a crystal Cathedral) with his broadcasts about the end of the world, the coming of the demons, and the cleansing of souls. Apparently he is the one who has decided that Armageddon (I guess) has started. The TV then turns into a red plasma looking screen, and all channels are off the air.


I would continue the narrative but it's pretty self-explanatory. They get chased, some get stabbed, the rest keep getting chased, etc. so let's get to the end - basically it's Karen, lucky girl, who's lasted through this, uh, journey. Apparently according to this leader of mayhem, Armageddon lasts for 24 hours, after which all the zealots take pills and kill themselves. Suicide? Cleansing the soul? Never mind. 




Before the credits appear Karen survives the "cleansing" but begins to see demons appear from the bodies of the cultists and other areas. The last scene shows her closing her eyes as the demons surround her. The camera then closes in on her face as she opens her eyes she begins to calm down, making the audience wonder if the demons disappeared and were just a hallucination brought on from the stress of her ordeal or she simply begins to accept her fate. Or she could just be really REALLY glad her acting career is over and she can collect her paycheck. I would not call this real horror by any sense of the word. 


To say that a man could possibly lead that many people to such fanaticism is a stretch - but if history is any indication, not an impossibility. I'm thinking the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, hell even Jim Jones. So yeah, fanatics ok, a little bit possible. A 24 hour on-the-dot- Armageddon? Ummm, no. Demons popping out of bodies of both supposedly good and bad people to consume those who are left? Definitely not. So trying to make this scary by making it late at night, in a subway tunnel, no hope of escape to the topside, and they're-coming-for-you whack jobs kind of gets kicked to the curb by the ridiculousness of the rest of this supposed end of the world scenario. Pass on this one, it's not even worth scratching your head over.