BUT FIRST: AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF JAPANESE/AMERICAN MOVIE TRAILERS
HA! GOT YOU!
Don't worry, the movie's coming, it's just that these were almost as good...
I just had to start with the previews that came with my DVD - if the US did trailers like these I might go to the theater more often...
1. Japanese cowgirl/Yakuza Hunter Asami is at it (again?) in Yakuza Hunter: Duel In Hell. As for gore in just the preview alone we get a chainsaw to the groin (ouch!), a head caved by a bullet, a hand blown clean off, and many, many beatings. It's been three years. After beaten up to death, she made a come back. (Those are their words, not mine so don't whine) By Spaghetthi Western Bastard (again, shut up! I know!) Director/Writer/Editor Shinichi Okuda
3. The game has finally become a movie. (Shows a flying girl in a bikini and cowboy hat with two swords fighting through, uh, zombies? Bad guys?) Onechanbara: The Movie. AD 20XX - the zombies are overflowing in the streets. One pretty girl ('cause you wouldn't see an ugly girl in a bikini in a movie, right?) stands up to defeat them. Her destiny is tainted blood. Sexy and violence (say it with a heavy Japanese accent to get it right).
5. This is most danger movie (I saw you smirking back there! Get out!). To avoid fainting, keep repeating, it's only a movie.. only a movie (actually this gimmick has been used several times in the past by bad horror movies in the US). They will come they will come they will come they will come they will come they will come they will come. THEY COME IN THE TOILET. Zombie Ass: The Toilet Of The Dead (yes, it's for this movie, now hush). This is Japanese zombie. They are living in the toilet. They pervert! They are dangerous! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! (Listed among the stars of the movie is my personal favorite: Shit Zombie, as Demo Tanaka. Isn't that backwards?) DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE! (Their words)And now our two movies actually taking place in the US:
6. (No we're not done yet, you got something better to do?) An American states her dream was to work on Wall St. but all men are bastards and she's attacked so... not pretty enough for a bikini and cowboy hat I guess she wears the mask of a ninja and goes after the bastards - which is pretty much anyone who's male in this movie I guess. Shinobi Girl. She takes their lives since they took her soul - hmm, good trade.
7. It wouldn't be a complete crap offering if we didn't have our Paranormal story so... In 2003 a group of paranormal investigators entered the infamous Fisher House - and were never seen again. We have our skeptics, our believers and one woman who wants to marry a dead guy. WTH? Wait you goons - this has a Japanese girl in it. Sheesh. Tsukiko is a girl whose mother was raped by a demon and so hovers between two worlds - but to keep her human side she must FEED THE BEAST. Whatever the hell that means, guess you'll have to find the movie. Hmm? Oh, the name - Flesh For The Beast: Tsukiko's Curse. Duh.Woof, that was longer than some of my reviews but hey, if you even find ONE of those movies and know where I can watch them, let me know. DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
- And shame on all of you that thought I wasn't talking about a real movie. They've got some twisted minds there in Japan. I like it.
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