I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

An Important Public Service Announcement



Reefer Madness (1936)

It has just come to my attention (says an overweight, cigar-smoking man from the 1930's) that a horrible menace is here in the United States and that it has the power to destroy the lives of thousands of young people this century and the next. Hmm? No you smart ass, not World Wars I and II and the dozens to come, I am speaking of course of the horrifically violent drug marihuana. That's not how you spell it? Don't you sass me you young lawbreakers. You know who you are. I have come from the past to speak to a nation that has actually (wipes a tear) made this life-ending horror legal in two of your states. You know who you are Colorado and Washington State. Next you'll be saying it's okay for gay and lesbian couples to get married. What? (Faints dead away)...

Definite drug users... look at the way they dress!

This propaganda movie was rediscovered in the Library Of Congress in the 70's and was so... damn funny they had to drag it out so we could point and laugh. Also known as Tell Your Children, The Burning Question, Dope Addict, Doped Youth and Love Madness this film was made by the National Organization For The Reform Of Marihuana Laws - also known as the American Tobacco Companies. 

Nah, I'm kidding about that last part but it is common knowledge that several major and massive industries were decidedly threatened by the presence of this little green weed. Paper, cloth, medical use - all kinds of things, not just the smoking part were big worries for people with big pockets who needed all this 'free' stuff to go away. If they couldn't sell it and the government couldn't tax it, it was a menace. Okay, end of my speech (and I'm not even pro-marijuana). This is how it starts:

The motion picture you are about to witness may startle you. It would not have been possible, otherwise, to sufficiently emphasize the frightful toll of the new drug menace which is destroying the youth of America in alarmingly-increasing numbers. Marahuana is that drug - a violent narcotic - an unspeakable scourge - The Real Public Enemy Number One! It's first effect is sudden, violent, uncontrollable laughter; then come dangerous hallucinations - space expands - time slows down, almost stands still... fixed ideas come next, conjuring up monstrous extravagances - followed by emotional disturbances, the total inability to direct thoughts, the loss of all power to resist physical emotions... leading finally to acts of shocking violence... ending often in incurable insanity. In picturing its soul-destroying effects no attempt was made to equivocate. The scenes and incidents, while fictionalized for the purpose of this story, are based upon actual research into the results of Marihuana addiction. If their stark reality will make you think, will make you aware that something must be done to wipe out this ghastly menace, then the picture will not have failed in its purpose... Because the dread Marihuana may be reaching forth next for your son or daughter... or yours... or YOURS!

Okay, so if after that speech you're still not convinced, then don't come crying to me when you start listening to jazz music, kill all your friends and sleep with everyone in town. 'Cause I told you. Holy crap! I just realized... most of those symptoms are also consistent with bipolar disorders and fibromyalgia. Well I'm screwed...

Johnny Law catches the scum of the city...

Now spend roughly an hour and watch this groovy scene and laugh your butt off. You don't even have to be stoned to find this extremely funny. It even inspired a musical satire, which premiered off-Broadway in 2001, and a film based on the musical in 2005 that they colorized but not just colorized, groovy colorized it, making the marijuana smoke different colors depending on how 'high' the smoker was. Better stick with the much safer tobacco and alcohol kiddies, it's legal almost everywhere. What? Studies show what? Next you'll be telling me that drinking Coke is the cause of my acid reflux...