I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Tune In, Tune Out And Just Explode



Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things aka Revenge Of The Living Dead, Things From The Dead and Zreaks (1972)


Special thanks to Tim Forston for a, ahem, gem of a movie.


This is the 70's we're in now people. That means freaky deaky people, totally groovy language man, and most importantly of all, the clothes. Oh yeah, and this is also a zombie movie. It could go under the 'Outright Ripoffs Of George Romero Movies' category but hey man, let's just chill and enjoy the groove of a truly bizarre comedy/horror movie (I think the comedy was supposed to be the people, the horror the zombies. Easy enough.).


As my friend pointed out and he of course was right, this was an extremely low budget film (shot for $70,000) so for the money, they actually had some pretty good zombies, and quite a few of them. The makeup is actually pretty good. Not enough money for the typical tear-out-all-the-intestines scenes that are standard for zombie movies, but not bad at all.

That being said my groovy babies, lets check out the plot: A theater director (I would have watched this just to see his clothes - we're talking orange-red-white striped pants, a gold shirt and an ascot) and his acting troupe set by boat for an island with a graveyard on it with the plans of digging up a corpse and bringing it to life. Why? Oh no my babies, keep it cool man. You don't want to bum me out by looking for logic now are you? Okay, so when this group of six get to the island (Oh, by the way there are no 'children' in the movie, that's just what the director calls his actors so you can rest easy.) they find it is all a cemetery. I think the writer of the film got a little confused at this point because things become contradictory. 'Hallowed ground' instead of being holy is described as so full of evil psychic energy that Satan and his demons love to feed there because that's where the most horrible and violent of criminals are buried. On hallowed ground? Ummm.... never  mind. They dig up a body who's hair is blue for some reason (And I swear I saw him giggling but the whole film is in the dark so...)  and propped him up on a cross to do this Satanic ritual (I'm not Catholic but I'm pretty sure that if they were that would be a self-defeating move). Alan (the director) produces a grimoire (pronounced grim war but he calls it a grameer - ha!) and starts his groovy little recitation. It fails. The Jewish princess of the group (this film is not progressive, it stereotypes everyone, including two gay actors who show up later) starts her own recitation which is actually funny. In a Yiddish accent she starts calling Satan names, even uses God's real name (Jehovah, which is rare for a film) and basically calls Satan a yutz. Great googly chutzpah! Nothing happens.


Okay my babies, your minds are about to be blown so hold on tight. They drag the corpse back to the caretaker's cabin (who is tied up against a tree although the director claims he's dead). They then perform a wedding ceremony for the director and the corpse and he takes his new dead male bride to bed. Are your minds completely blown yet? Well hang on....

Finally, an hour into the movie we see the appearance of the first zombie. The ceremony (or Yiddish name-calling) has actually worked. From there my babies we hit pay dirt (sorry). There are actually quite a few 'zombies' out there and even though the actors hide in the cabin they get killed one by one. The director and a spacey chick are the last - they attempt to get upstairs but are overwhelmed. He then shoves the girl into the zombie pack so he can get away (We The Walking Dead fans would say he 'Shane'd' her). But getting to his room he is met by the fatal embrace of his 'bride' who finally has joined the other dead in, uh, waking up I suppose.

The last scene is all the zombies getting on the boat presumably to go to the mainland to eat more  people, or just to get out of the movie. And that's the end my babies, you dig? No? Expand your minds and enjoy the hipness. Or just watch something else. It's all good.


What do you mean what does 'Zreaks' mean? That's not cool, man.