Witchtrap (1989)I had another vampire movie to get into but I decided to take a break from fangs and get into some different horror. Bad choice. This film was one of the worst ones I've seen yet, and that's saying something. It was soooo bad (How bad was it?) that details outside the movie are actually a lot more interesting than the whole movie itself.
In the 80's my sister wanted me to watch what she thought was a cool movie called Witchboard (1986) starring a young Tawny Kitaen and Stephen Nichols (the eye patch wearing soap opera heartthrob). Now movies about the occult I do not go for. They're dumb, the information is false, and messing with this kind of stuff is always dangerous. There's nothing entertaining with screwing around with evil spirits. I told her so. She didn't appreciate that.
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| We flip a coin. Winner gets out of this movie first. |
Now Witchtrap was made (or rather directed) by the same guy, and coming out three years later, apparently the biggest push for the movie was the statement that it was NOT a sequel to Witchboard (he just apparently didn't have much in the way of ideas for titles) but a whole different movie. Even though the catchphrase is 'This time it's not a game' which leads one to believe it's a sequel. Massive duh quotient. And that pretty much sums up this movie. If you can watch it without saying 'duh' once, you're a better movie watcher than me. I rolled my eyes so much I got a headache.
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| They said if I took off my clothes I get to die first. |
Okay a brief overview: We have a supposedly haunted house owned by a Avery Lauter who's been dead two years. He was a suspected murderer but his body, missing his heart was found before they could arrest him. He was a warlock, and was supposedly in the middle of a ritual that would make him immortal, but he was interrupted. So this group of idiots - um I mean mediums and their cronies try to rid the house of his 'presence' (Nobody can stay more than a couple of days and the last one killed himself - or did he? A bad continuity error shows the guy falling while holding onto the railing when he flips over, but in all subsequent shots he is sailing over a good five or six inches from the railing) and with the worst acting I've ever seen stretch this abortion of a movie for the full hour and a half. The only difference was there were no teenagers. These were all adults being stupid, acting badly, and being killed one by one. Woof.
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| Don't laugh - we spent all our money on this scene. |
Long story short is they fail and the security team they hired (Guns against warlock ghosts? Really?) lose two of the three and the last one finally figures that, after a somewhat gross scene of the last medium alive swallowing the warlock's ashes and becoming him, if he shoots the box with the warlock's heart inside he can kill him, and by throwing it out the window and having it shatter, the thing melts (wax is cheap and so was all the so-called special effects) and the medium emerges from the muck. And they ride off into the sunset. And that's the most I want to say about this piece of... film.
The best part of this movie (said with a massive amount of sarcasm) was the factoids I found out from several places around the globe (America didn't have much to say, but Russia and other countries did). The movie was to have an 'X' rating (big deal) if certain scenes were not removed including:
- The scene where the blonde camerawoman's throat is pierced by the shower head.
- The close up of the male medium's brains being blown out.
- A longer shot of the same medium's head exploding.
- An actual view of the security guy's head being run over by the possessed car
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