Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

I'LL PROBABLY NEVER BE KILLED WITH KINDNESS BUT MY GOOD INTENTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME...






You Don't Want Me As A Friend, Trust Me

I admit it, I'm a horrible friend to have and I wouldn't recommend it. I truly mean to be good, to be there, to listen, and to support my friends but...

After the "but" is usually where the excuses come in, but if you know me or have read my column enough times, you pretty much know what they are. They're why I disappear, don't get my reviews done, don't talk to my friends (the small number I have left and it's getting smaller), and why although I would have loved to have a few, making the smart life decision of having no children. So I'm usually bleary-eyed, in my pajamas, sitting in silence (unless my tunes are cranked at full volume or I've got a bad horror movie on for noise).


That's a big reason why I have this column. The mind keeps spinning (not well, but it spins anyway) so this was my big outlet. Trouble is, the big companies are too busy trying to make your phone screens larger and thinner at the same time, and not paying any attention to those who have trouble using technology in the first place. I don't mean they don't know HOW, they just, for one reason or another, CAN'T.


Take my dictation software. Please. Don't get me wrong, if Dragon Naturally Speaking software ever needed a spokesperson... I'd probably say yes then not show up. Sigh. But it is very, very vital to me even getting a word on a page - whether it can completely understand my mumbling or not.

In the 'not' sense, I still get a giggle. See, besides regular words (and words I'm shocked it even knows), it's supposed to know words YOU use that might be unique to you (i.e. one mine is 'movie-stupid' or 'DUH'). That works great... when you speak clearly. When you don't...



This is pretty close to what I look
like trying to get my column done...
But even when I fail it (Because hey, it's a program, I'm supposed to control it, right?) and lob a few four letter words at it, it still "works" because it gives me different words almost every time. So being extremely frustrated and throwing an 'F' bomb at it can totally break my bad mood and give me the giggles when the program proceeds to take that and make something different with it. I'll have to print some of those sometime. At least it keeps my bad language to a minimum...



Here's a picture of something from my childhood (she said quickly changing subjects without warning) - I used to live across the street from a drive-in theater which made for noisy Friday through Sunday nights. But it was totally cool watching movies over and over sitting on our front lawn. Anywho, unfortunately it went the way of many drive-ins around the country and shut down - and eventually torn down to make room for... stuff. I really don't know, I didn't pay attention 'cause by then I didn't live there anymore. My point - I did have one - is that I learned they saved the old sign, fixed it up, and it is now used by an aviation museum which I think is totally cool.

But I do have some good news (she said, jumping quickly back to the quasi-subject she was talking about). I finally learned how to make my own videos. Not of me of course (you do NOT want that), but I can put in snippets of a movie I'm reviewing instead of just saying sarcastic things about the pictures I use. Or when something reminds me of a song you do NOT have to hear the whole song. But beware, next up may be a podcast - I haven't decided yet.





I want to be a paperback writer....MY SHARONA!


Sorry, got off subject again. Anwho, doing brief reviews by podcast might be funny, but I don't understand why people would want to just sit there and listen to somebody drone on - ohhhh, I get it. See, in my day, they called that RADIO.

Anaconda is on its way and so is the promised trio of bad bad rubber piggy (I don't know why Nazis make me think of that 'Zim' phrase) movies that I have down on my text program, I just need to gather pictures (and maybe little videos) and put them together.

I noticed that even though I haven't been a good 'friend' or 'blogger' or whatever, you are still reading and for that I cannot thank you enough times. It definitely makes me feel better - I just wish it was a drug that could keep my brain working and my fingers on the keyboard...