Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

AND NOW... A SHORT AND PREACHY MESSAGE ABOUT SMOKING... YOU MAY SKIP THIS IF YOU WISH...






Cough, Cough, Cough

The current statistics for the smokers of the world is 1.1 billion people. 'Kay. Your body, you get to do with it what you want.

But.

EVERY DAY approximately 3,900 kids under the age of 18 will try their first cigarette. If smoking persists at the current rate among youth in this country, 5.6 million of today’s Americans younger than 18 years of age are projected to die prematurely from a smoking-related illness. This represents about one in every 13 Americans aged 17 years or younger alive today.

Didn't Hollywood decide to try to discourage the 'smoking is cool' image by NOT having cigarettes in their movies? Didn't some people go so far as to publicly try to SHAME celebrities for not promoting a healthy image for their young devotees?

I've been watching waaaaaay too many movies. Watch any movie from the 50's, and cigarettes were practically handed to you in restaurants with your meal, whether you were pregnant or not. Same with alcohol, actually.

But.



Didn't the whole industry decide they were going to try to NOT have this practice shown by their characters on TV shows and movies? Or if they did, the majority of those who smoked were the 'bad guys'?

So what the hell happened?

That is all.





Thursday, January 29, 2015

MOVIES YOU WATCH BECAUSE OF WHO'S IN THEM - BUT IF THIS MOVIE GAVE ME ANYTHING, IT WAS A GREAT SONG... AND NOTHING ELSE BECAUSE THE REST WAS A TOTAL PIECE OF CRAP...








Beneath (2013)

Do you have ANY idea HOW MANY MOVIES, SONGS, AND TV EPISODES THERE ARE WITH THIS NAME? SOME IN THE SAME FREAKING YEAR??? Usually when a film proclaims itself to be an IFC After Midnight Film, you can expect one made outside of the US, but this incredibly offensive offal was made in the good ole' USA. I have absolutely no idea where as this movie has no wiki page of its' own and the IMDb apparently doesn't have a freaking clue either.



This starred Jeff Fahey, one of those on the list of people I'll watch in anything (although that list is coming under stricter scrutiny lately). The horrible thing has actually been in my draft pile for a couple of months - it's part stupid cliche', part stupid unreal behavior, and the rest is just plain bad acting in a movie claiming, of course, to be inspired by real events.

Real events, which we all know by now is relative, meaning simply that yes, there are coal mines, yes, there are accidents, and yes, people have died in them. That's it. So.



In 2013 (in the movie), a collapse at the Brackett Coal Mine left 19 workers trapped nearly 600 feet underground. This is what happened... beneath the surface.

Now, I looked this up (of course) and the most complimentary thing I could find about this 'Brackett' story is that it is a VERY LOOSE interpretation of mine collapses and, of course, despite its' claims, IS NOT A TRUE STORY. Which is good because is sucks sooooo bad.


We have a crew of miners who apparently have survived in good health in a coal mine for years although they do not wear respirators (the one guy who actually had one had no filters on it), they rarely wear their helmets, I didn't see ANY goggles or any other safety gear that you would think a veteran coal miner would make sure to have at all times in order not to spend out his latter years with black lung. OR, get thousands of dollars in fines for violating OSHA regulations.



The stupidest premise in the world and the most clichéd: Judith Marsh (Molly Hagan) decides she wants a take-your-daughter-to-work-day and picks the last day of George Marsh (Jeff Fahey) on his last working day, because he is retiring. Speaking from the OSHA view, this is impossible. Where my hubby works (not a mine) I can't just stroll onto the place - there's permits and equipment and this and that and the other thing... and when there's an accident, those rules get so tight you could make a diamond out of coal - no pun intended.

So. No masks, just boots, jackets with SMALL reflectors, and when they feel like it, a helmet - no respirator, no earplugs, no safety goggles. 

This is supposed to be spooky because 19 miners died ??? in a tragedy where they were stuck and left to die slowly as the air ran out. Pffft. Whoops, that was a waste of air.


So a cave-in happens of course when two miners are careless with a piece of equipment they've run (and I'm sure they had to get certification to do so) for years. It's a machine with a large rotating steel drum equipped with tungsten carbide teeth that scrape coal from the seam. It can mine as much as five tons of coal a minute – more than a miner of the 1920s' would produce in an entire day. 

These guys want more money. More coal, more money. So, they get really greedy and careless, and they break open a hole in a wall, causing the cave in. Score so far: 3 dead, 5 or 6 missing, one badly hurt.


They have 72 hours to spend in their little survival chamber that they conveniently were near when the collapse happened. They have oxygen and plenty of supplies to last five or six days. The chamber is well lit and has portholes to looks out. The inside looks like a decompression chamber.

The daughter starts to hallucinate - first she thinks she sees one of the miners stick his finger in the wounded guy's leg and move it around, then when alone with the injured guy, helping him with his leg, she thinks she sees his face melt. She grabs her helmet an runs like an idiot. Did she close the door?




She comes face to face with a now blind, zombie-like version of one of the original miners - uh, maybe. They make the movie too damned ambiguous - are they really seeing spectres or is it just the lack of oxygen causing them to hallucinate?

Whatever the hell is going on (and by now I really really really don't give a damn) she goes on a killing spree which the movie seems to think is a perfectly rational thing to do and she lives... and gets out... isn't that lovely?

The ONLY good thing about this movie is a song that played at the end. Believe me, if it had played at the beginning, I would have listened then shut the freaking movie off.





'The Lost Soul' Doc Watson Family





Monday, January 26, 2015

A MOVIE SO AWFUL I'M GIVING YOU A BREAK AND SHOWING YOU THE ONLY GOOD PART OF IT... WHICH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL MOVIE. YOU'RE WELCOME...






1,2,3... Scream aka End Of The Road (2011)

There is nothing more frustrating (okay, there's a lot of things but this is a pisser too) than seeing a bunch of names attached to a movie that makes you want to see it, just to find out that those people either are in it for a fraction of time, a voice-over, or get killed before the beginning credits stop. This was one of those movies so here's your warning:





This movie is about a couple of guys (cameraman and soundman) who finish up with a film by Robert Picardo and are on their way to Idaho to shoot the first episode of a new reality paranormal series called 'Spirit Seekers' with actual psychic (pffft) Randolph (played by Doug Jones, well-known contortionist and sci fi actor, recently of John Dies At The End). The buildup is supposed to be that, of course, they piss off whatever supernatural force has started this mess in the first place. The punchline is, that it is all a practical joke - played by Robert Picardo. There, you just saved yourself roughly 90 minutes. You're welcome. For a treat, this is the only part of the movie worth watching (and that's stretching it a bit):








Oh, and Zack said this himself in this movie, so here you go my fave redheaded Canadian dude, you are now a meme:










Sunday, January 25, 2015

THREE MASSIVE MANIACS AND A REALLY NICE GUY - ALL SQUISHED INTO A SEVEN FOOT, THREE HUNDRED PLUS POUNDS MAN...






Kane/See No Evil 1/See No Evil 2 (1992, 2006, 2014)

Do I really have to say 'Watch out, there's spoilers!' at the beginning of each review? If I do, I quit. I mean really, if you want 'The kills were nasty, the ending satisfying and I give it three out of five' go somewhere else. I mean it. Leave. NOW.

Don't be disheartened young ones, this won't be a huge review of the life of Glenn "Kane" Jacobs. Just the basics: He was born in Spain, has been married since 1995, began his career in the WWE in 1992, is best known as "Kane", and in the horror movie world as "Jacob Goodnight".

If you've ever seen him as Kane, you know he looks like a nightmare. Towering over his opponents he has been known to smash everyone and everything in sight (in the WWE). To call him a nice guy out of the ring is not saying that the wrestling is fake. I know the score on that. 


They may have "stories" they make up for drama, but the moves and the routines takes strength, coordination, caution, and lots and lots of practice. THAT is not fake. One wrong landing, one wrong execution of a move, and a wrestler's career can be over in a second, if not his life. People have died in the ring, most notoriously Owen Hart, who died due to a mechanical malfunction in 1999.

They take very strict measures to insure the safety of wrestlers, and training in order for their time in the ring to be safe and precise. So in that way, no, wrestling is not fake. The drama may be, but the men pay for their fame with a lot of injuries during their careers.




See No Evil (2006): I reviewed this movie October 21, 2013, so I'll just touch on this one so we can go on to the new Soska take on the Jacob Goodnight story. Basically the WWE wanted to make an 80's type slasher movie so they have the monster, the evil mother behind the monster, a bunch of kids that nobody's gonna miss anyway, and a whole lot of unlikely coincidences to make sure they go to their untimely demises.

There were two things that, if you remembered nothing else, stood out. The huge chain with the hook on the end that 'Jacob' threw like it was nothing, and the fact that after (sometimes before) each person was killed, he also pulled out their glazzies - oops, appy polly loggy. Some Clockwork Orange is still in my system, I guess it takes some time for the gloopy stuff to get out. 'Jacob' plucked out their eyeballs, keeping them in jars of liquid.

They killed him pretty good in the first one too: Not only had he lived with a bullet hole in his skull for four years (nice shots of maggots and flies coming out of there - the sound of a fly buzzing meant he was nearby), so to really, really kill him, they shoved a pipe through one eye, then shoved him out a five? six? story window into an atrium, with an interior shot of a piece of rebar splitting his heart. He was dead, dead, dead.




See No Evil 2 (2014): "He's not dead anymore." That's my favorite line of this movie, which has gotten both good and bad reviews of how the sequel was treated. The second movie, much anticipated as it was to be directed by the Canadian Soska sister team, was bound to come under harsh scrutiny. I personally think that it was unfairly due to their youth and the fact they are women. Sad but true.

They loved the saga of Jacob Goodnight and felt he could be a long-living (sort of) character and wanted a sequel. Hey, they were bound to make a few changes, while sticking to the general formula of the movie, that is, to keep it close to an 80's type slasher film. Just with a lot more gore. You HAVE seen American Mary, right?

Not to say I don't have my problems with this movie. It picks up right where the first movie left off (never mind that it was eight years ago) as the bodies are removed from the dilapidated hotel and brought to the morgue.


I was excited to see that the Soskas had a cameo at the beginning as two bodies that had just been autopsied. Unfortunately, they do not appear elsewhere in the movie. They did bring with them favorites Danielle Harris and Katharine Isabelle (American Mary). Unfortunately (and my biggest gripe) Katharine Isabelle played a drunken idiot in this movie - Danielle Harris got to be the 'smart' girl.



So coincidentally (of course) the bodies are brought in on the night of morgue attendant Amy's (Danielle Harris) birthday, when all her friends have planned a surprise party. Nothing is more surprising than having a seven foot corpse get up and start picking off your friends one by one...

My problems with it? Let's do those first and get them out of the way. All the bodies should have been in bags yet none were. In fact the other bodies were not even present anywhere in the morgue yet the supervisor said they had received at least seven of the victims.


Tamara (Katharine Isabelle) sits on Jacob's body and taunts him about the fact his mother tortured him as a child. If this movie is taking place just as they're removing bodies from the hotel, NO ONE could know who 'Jacob' was, what his motivation was, or his history. They wouldn't have known the significance of his wounds including the whip marks, the hole in his head, and the condition of his heart.

His mother had referred to him as the Hand of God and the media knew this when there was no way they could possibly have found out so quickly and broadcast it as the bodies were still being brought to the morgue. And they had his mother (with no wounds showing) already put in a drawer? Really?



From some magic room in the morgue Jacob managed to find the signature chain with a hook to use as in the first movie. There was also a freaking sweet looking knife they had to actually have hand made - but his mythology of 'seeing the sin' was gone and he didn't pluck out eyeballs. He did talk a lot more though - in the first movie I believe he had one line - in this he talks quite a bit.


Some complained there were too many 'flashbacks' but you have to remember - a lot of people have probably never watched See No Evil and it HAD been eight years so...

Lets go to the positives. Glenn Jacobs is a truly talented (and very coordinated) guy who can play mean and nasty like few others - not to mention do his own stunts (But then again, who the hell are you gonna get to do 'em for him?)

I usually don't list things like camera work, direction, shots, etc. 'cause, well, those things aren't funny. A lot of movies make 'em really stupid, but not funny.



The Soska sisters, young as they may be, pay a lot of attention to detail (if you ignore the parts they kind of just did away with) and several scenes were particularly well executed. One that stuck with me was when a rack of shelves with glass jars filled with liquid and other icky things was pulled on a guy by Jacob. The detail of the glass shards and flying stuff was neater than any 3D trick and this was not a 3D movie. You could just about see each individual shard as they flew through the air - very cool.

Originality: Embalming Jacob was a freaking sweet (and messy) idea, especially since the liquid was blue (watching blood and then blue gunk fly out of his eye socket was particularly gory) and a great device to keep him going for more movies; the whole cast dies for a change, despite there being the good, the bad, and the stupid; Kane was terrific - he talked this time - maybe a bit much but it puts him apart from the Jasons and the Mike Myers of the genre.

Overall I'm glad I have both DVDs and I can't wait to get hold of The ABC's Of Death 2 to see what letter the Soskas got to make into a gooshy, bloody mess.




                        

Thursday, January 22, 2015

OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TRY THIS GAME OF THRONES SHOW - BRING IT ON. UMMM WAIT, ALL THE GUYS LOOK A LITTLE PUNY - THEY'RE FIGHTING WITH FOAM SWORDS... IN BLUE JEANS AND HOMEMADE COSTUMES... OH DEAR GOD THIS IS A LARP MOVIE!!!






Knights Of Badassdom (2013)

The Pacific Northwest is truly a beautiful place to live. To hear some describe it, it's a cold place of nothing but rain. That's 'cause you don't live here, jerks. It's green, it's beautiful, we have everything from mountains to ski on, rivers to windsurf, and other rivers great for kayaking. We have lots of parks and the trails are so popular, the rescue teams have a really busy season rescuing people who come in from the city and think they can get up a steep mountain just because their StairMaster at home said so (I, of course, do none of those things).


We don't have hurricanes or tornadoes (well, a small funnel or two has been spotted), no earthquakes (maybe a rumble every umpteen years or so) and Mount Saint Helens? Psssh, she's gotten over her lady troubles and hasn't spewed ash since 2008. So we don't mind getting a bit wet now and then.



Hmm? The movie? Sigh, okay if we must. Yes I knew this was a LARP movie - and yes I know what a LARP is, I used to know people who talked to me who were seriously into this kind of thing. Used to. Anywho, I saw the name Peter Dinklage and although I've never seen an episode of Game Of Thrones or read any of the books (It's on HBO which I don't get, and books aren't my friends lately...) I thought this might be good for a larph... umm I mean laugh.


I expected awful and in terms of story and stuff I wasn't disappointed. I was, however, surprised that this movie was not detestable. Although I wanted to hate it for being filmed in Spokane, Washington, I actually kind of enjoyed it. It is silly, it is lacking in clear direction, and those who actually participate in LARP activities may hate it. I laughed a bit, shrugged and took notes.



It was directed by Joe Lynch but don't mention that to him or he'll probably punch you in the face. Apparently things weren't hunky dory in his little kingdom. Pffft. We have three friends who live in one house owned by Eric who's an 'accidental millionaire' (no, they don't explain that) and their house is shaped like a castle, the interior, more of the same. These grown men have been LARPing for years and aren't going to quit anytime soon. Well, at least not for the next 85 minutes.



Now you have to know that this movie, although released in 2013, was actually shot in 2010 so it's been out in the stratosphere for a while. It is interesting to note, however, that the main characters were made to 'train' in the ways of the Force... oops, sorry, the ways of the LARP... no? THEY HAD TO SPEND A DAY PRETENDING THEY WERE REAL MEDIEVAL LARP CHARACTERS IN ORDER TO TRAIN FOR THE MOVIE, OKAY? Wanna guess who the best of them was?


Yup, they said the one who had the best style was Peter Dinklage. So he had a solid resume to continue his career in Game Of Thrones.



So we have the 'millionaire' and full-on nutjob Eric (Steve Zahn) who's frustrated that he's only a 26th level wizard and the 'gamemaster' won't let him advance, Hung (Peter Dinklage) who is well versed with a blade (and the ladies), and Joe (Ryan Kwanten, an Australian actor who starred in True Blood). Of the three it is Joe who is trying to extricate himself from the fantasy and stick to gritty reality - he's a grease monkey, has a girlfriend - whoops, she dumped him, never mind - and his convenient doom metal band (who we never see). Sigh.

Getting, uh, very mellow with his friends, he wakes to find that he is at a LARP gathering and there the movie kind of stalls. Eric brings with him a mystical book he bought on eBay that he uses as a spell book - and finds out it really IS a spell book. With it, he unknowingly raises a succubus. Sigh.


Lame lines that rip off good movie quips plus a lot of bad acting follow ("Excuse me while I whipeth this out.", "There's a fungus among us.") and each group has their own name. They are... uh... do I have to do this? Sigh...


Freakend Warriors
The Medieval Kenevils
Gnomeland Security
Fair-Leather Friends
The Norse Whisperers

I'm beginning to see why Joe Lynch would like to pretend this movie didn't exist.

This is one of those movies I had to watch twice because during my super-funk I watched it, took notes and promptly lost them so let me break down the rest of the movie for you:



The succubus, because Joe had a picture of his ex on him when she was summoned, of course looks exactly like her. She reeks. Uh, I mean she wreaks. Havoc. The first to go (dammit) is Hung, whose heart she shoves through his back and has a hard time trying to get it out through the front again. Ummm, I guess they wanted to really exercise that special effects budget. 

Eric, is told by the 'gamemaster' (Jimmi Simpson) that his book is genuine and written in Enochian...

Okay, don't whine, this will be a short lesson. This has nothing to do with Enoch or The Books of Enoch which are usually accepted as having some historical or theological interest or significance, but they generally regard the Books of Enoch as non-canonical or non-inspired of God. 2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness."


Enochian is a name often applied to an occult or angelic language recorded in the private journals of John Dee and his colleague Edward Kelley in late 16th-century England. Kelley was a spirit medium who worked with Dee in his magical investigations. The men claimed that the language was revealed to them by angels. The language is integral to the practice of Enochian magic.

So. If you have half a brain you know that the words "magic" and "angels" shouldn't even be sharing the same sentence, much less have one be attributed to another, right?


The 'spell' must be sung for whatever reason. People start dying right and left when Eric bungles the spell and actually transforms the succubus into full-on demon form (see previous paragraph). He tries but she turns the book to ashes. Only some stone which was embedded in the spine of the book remains - it apparently being the source of the book's (yaaaaaawn... sorry) power. But there's no spell. Well, I guess it's doom metal to the rescue...


The song is decent, because it was performed by Brendan McCreary - check it out, it's not half bad. So Joe, the non-believer, grabs the stone and his very short, uh, foam stick and "sings" this doom metal song (that he *ahem* wrote with his band) and the stone shoots rays into the demon - plus it summons the dead Hung who did some fancy sword work until the beast ends up a steaming pile on the ground. Yeah. I guess we're through now.

Meh.



                        

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

AN INTERESTING ADDITION TO NETFLIX THAT MAY CATCH YOUR INTEREST






Flesh For The Beast: Tsukiko's Curse (TV Miniseries 2013)

Well despite the fact that nothing is working for me right now, I'm awake so I might as well let you in on an interesting short series currently running on Netflix. I first heard of this when it was a movie - the preview for it looked good but I could never find it. The preview was also one of many included on my Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead DVD so I really thought it might be interesting.


The basic premise is a parapsychology team of a male skeptic (Patrick Smith) and a female believer (Charlotte Pines) who accept Tsukiko (Maho Honda) into their little group to kind of play a paranormal style of Scooby Doo type mysteries. I've just watched the first one - interesting, not terrific, but interesting.

The first episode involved the little-known practice of post-mortem weddings. That's right folks, some people want to marry dead people. It happens. I shit you not.

Oh and my droogies I apologize for the third person blog entry from yesterday. Apparently I had my dictation equipment on 'smug bitch' mode and, well, you know.

Sorry this is short and sweet but the better I get things together, the better blogs I can put here. Thank you all so much for the continuing rise in readership - that's just way too cool for words.

UPDATE: After watching all seven shows, this promising looking series just sunk into a pit of diarrhea, murder, devil worship, anything anyone would consider offensive. It then left the viewer hanging with unanswered questions, missing characters (Charlotte Pines), and *SPOILER* the main character (Patrick Smith) getting the 'taffy pull' treatment and dying, while Tsukiko (Maho Honda) just skips merrily through a park.

Meh.





                        

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

MISS MURDER'S REPORTED DEMISE HAS BEEN A BIT PREMATURE BUT SHE AT LEAST SHE JOINS QUITE A SELECT PARTY...






Yes, The Horror Movie Shaming Is Continuing...

Hello, hello, hello my droogies! Yes, faithful ones, Miss Murder realizes that the new year has a whole two weeks used up (or three, she don't count so good) without a single horrible movie review. 

Now Miss Murder could go into paragraph after paragraph of what's been going on with her health, but since you are faithful droogies, you already know. Miss Murder has basically been somewhat of a potato gone rotten lately. And no, that is not a Val Kilmer joke, although it could very easily be.



Let's just say she won't be
doing this anytime soon...
Let's just say, even though Miss Murder said she would not go on about her health, these past few weeks have seen her worse than usual, to the point where her faithful hubby has had to wheel her drooling, disgusting self between the bed and the computer so that at least she would have some material for future posts, even if she hasn't finished the ones she's been promising for weeks.

Oh droogies - the movies she's seen! Including one that insults you (the main character talks to you like you're scum for watching him) and uses the phrase 'oh my brothers' waaaay too much which is what got Miss Murder into her Clockwork Orange mood.

Now if you find some words in this particular column that don't sound like real words, it is because Miss Murder is back to using her wonderful dictation program. Things have gotten so bad that apparently that she had to retrain the program to recognize her voice as apparently her voice had changed. And not for the better, dear droogies. So. What HAS Miss Murder been doing?



Wait a minute... that guy on the right
looks familiar... ah hell,
he's a regular on the SyFy show Haven!
Well, young ones, besides working on the promised Kane/Jacob Goodnight/Soska sisters saga, she has once again strayed from the Netflix fold because it seems that their horror selection has been a little stale lately. 

Although when looking up the "WWE" site to read up on the background of the wrestler "Kane" Miss Murder "laughed" so "hard" she couldn't "continue" (don't worry Weird Al, these are not quotations for emphasis, it's just that so much of their drama is "staged" they have to use "quotations" in place of saying wink-wink-nudge-nudge-say-no-more when they're mixing fiction with rea - I mean manly gymnastics.)

Now Miss Murder is not saying Netflix doesn't have lots of horrorfilms (Since when is that one word - damned dictation program - oh well, that's kind of horrorshow, right droogies?), but it gets pretty bad when she can index them from A-Z, and at a glance see what she has seen, what she has not seen, and what she does not want to see.



Unfortunately, this isn't John Dies At The End...
She's not going to say exactly where she's been watching most of her movies (*cough* Hulu *cough*) but she's been surprised to find some not so typically awful horror, and some movies even worth reviews of their own. Now, apparently, some places have quite a catalog of horror movies and surprisingly there's not a lot of 'doubling' comparing their lists to Netflix.

This particular place seems to have a lot of Gravitas Ventures, which scream cheap and sleazy and worthy of a review once in a while.



Not quite this bad, but you
get the pic - oh no wait, no you don't...
And most of them are available free without subscribing. This isn't a suggestion, just an observation. You can forget about the other frigging worthless service (*cough* Crackle *cough* *cough*) that has commercials that stream perfectly, but movies you develop a stutter after watching because the streaming sucks rocks.

But she has seen her share of interesting movies. She's actually seen an abandoned asylum movie with a slightly different ending, total pieces of garbage that she was able to grab a nugget or two of gold from, and a quote or two.



Am I?
So far her favorite quote has been when a man who was old enough to know better was confronted with the ghost of Charlie Manson's daughter. He said, "Manson? The singer? I thought he was gay."

She's also seen the much anticipated (for whatever reason) Annabelle - and all she can say right now is HOLY CRAP! HOW DID YOU EXPECT AN INNOCENT BABY TO SLEEP WITH THAT DEMONIC PIECE OF CERAMIC HELL YOU ACTUALLY 'SEARCHED' FOR JUST TO PUT ON HER SHELF? Seriously, somebody needed to call Social Services on those idiots.

Oh, and the movie sucked too.



Corey Feldman wasn't one of them...
So she has a whole lot of movies that she has made notes on tape for, most of them, terrible. One was almost watchable, and 'paranormal' wasn't even part of it. One. Movie. How sad is that? And do you know how many movies she was suckered into watching because the top billed star was someone she wanted to see... only to discover they are in the movie somewhere between two and ten minutes before they're killed off or just collect their check and go home.



Don't get excited, this is the only
movement in the entire movie...
Of course, there were a few surprises and actually a movie or two in the huge messy bundle that she has been watching in stutters that might be worth a peek. Please be patient and she will get things up to speed just as soon as she is able.

Miss Murder now needs to wipe the drool from her chin. Where is that hubby?