I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

My First Bollywood Experience


Zombie Wars aka Zombie Farm (2007) India

This movie is kind of an enigma. It was made by an Indian Company, has an American director and cast, and was bought by All American Pictures. So it's a little puzzling why they had to have a copy of the film's Indian license at the beginning and the 'warning' of public use is not only spelled in UK English, but there are misspelled words in it. Not an auspicious beginning. But, the storyline at least had some unique elements to it that made this not terrible. Not great, but watchable.

Although the man listed as writer, director and 'cutter' whatever that means is David A. Pryor, known for stinkers of action movies in the 90's I've seen a whole lot worse and at least this had a somewhat interesting storyline. Unfortunately, it's narrated by a flat voiced girl that makes you want to strangle her just to shut her up... but here goes:

The narrator starts by telling us it's not known how it happened - whether a comet passed too close to earth (no ripping off Romero guys) or if man was just being punished for thousands of years of sins, but the dead just crawled out of their graves - by the millions. It is now 50 years later and man has been reduced to small camps just trying to survive. How have the zombies lasted all this time without running out of food? This is the halfway original idea - they have intelligence. Not enough to speak (their growls sound like dogs or bears), but enough to set up a 'farm' (this only shows one, but it's low budget so...) to breed humans for food and also to get them to raise crops to feed themselves until they're 'ready-to-eat' I guess. They have a leader, who examines each human captured to determine what to use him/her for, and his lackeys obey. Enter Brian and David, two 'soldiers' who continue in their daddy's footsteps as they continue to fight for humankind. They rescue a band of women from zombie captors (these humans can't talk, write or read since they've been raised by zombies as just food) and later that night the camp is hit with a zombie ambush. They find out that ALL the camps (I think 12) had been hit at once, showing not only intelligence, but some degree of being able to coordinate and plan attacks. David, who has taken a liking to a long haired blonde he's rescued (calling her 'Star', yuck) runs off into the woods to save her after she panics and takes off. Duh.

Nice POV, they just forgot the gore.

Of course, both David and the blonde are captured. After they are sniffed up (not kidding) by the leader, they are paired and locked in a stable for future breeding. Any prisoner dumb enough to talk is eaten. Why? I said this was almost watchable, not logical. There is no logic in any of this but hey, it's a zombie movie, how realistic can it get? Anyway, Brian wants to save David of course but they don't know where he is. Enter a rat-like character named Sliver, who's been in the farm for five years (he can talk) who tries to help David. David has him smuggle him a pencil and paper (oh yeah, zombies use a lot of that) so he can write a map, put his 'mark' on it and sneak it onto a zombie before it goes out hunting, hoping his troop will kill it and find the note. They do. But Sliver has his own agenda - he works for the 'Council', a town full of people that had set up this farm so the zombies would leave them alone. David becomes suspicious after a zombie makes him bathe and has a bar of soap. These guys are smart, but soap? Something's up. After Sliver meets with the leader of the 'Council' he is given a knife to kill David to stop him from messing things up. David knows this, and wins Sliver over, promising to help him get free if he cooperates. So Sliver, saying David is 'too big' asks the Council for a gun. He gives it to David who plans the escape. Just as he does, his troop conveniently shows up, and all the zombies are wiped out (there anyway) and the humans rescued. Since Sliver has told David all about the 'Council' they decide to pay them a visit.

Intestines - it does a body good.

Now the leader is obviously missing a few bolts. His dad was apparently a taskmaster when he was a kid, so he keeps their zombie selves tied to a bench while he yells at them. I guess he tired of this, because he then shoots both in their heads. That was just a side point - the troops show up and confront the 'Council' telling them the farm is gone and if they try it again they're gone too (Why didn't they just kill them? They were responsible for years of slaughter.) after which the leader tries to shoot them, but Sliver knew he had a gun and shot him first. Their argument? Since these humans were born and raised in the zombie camp they're just 'cattle'. Oh yeah, I would have mowed them all down.

I just love me some redneck...

Back to David... he ran off into the woods to find his 'love', Star. Now this is where the movie has one of those bummer with a glimmer of hope endings. If you want to see this, stop reading. As he's looking for Star, out of nowhere and with no explanation, a sniper takes him out. So he's given a 'soldier's funeral' which is to be burned so the 'pus heads' as they keep calling them won't dig him up and eat him. Oh and the narrator? It's Star, who apparently learns to talk... as well as have his son. She is hoping that 'David Jr.' will be the one to save the world.

The production values were actually pretty good. The zombies were a bit green, but after 50 years they might just be showing wear. The gore was decent and the makeup was also pretty good. In other words, this movie didn't totally suck - it had some interesting ideas. Sorry I don't have more information about it, but I couldn't find it anywhere and the one review I did see totally hated it. Don't know why, like I said I've seen a whole lot worse.

And since this was done by Americans, starred Americans, filmed in L.A., and bought by an American Film Company I'm not really sure how India entered into this whole mess at all. Maybe they financed it originally - not sure it was a true Bollywood experience at all.