Last Rites aka Gangs Of The Dead
aka City Of The Dead aka 48 Weeks Later (2006)
This was my first Netflix experience, as my 'well' of movies has run dry - nothing on the satellite and I'm really REALLY sick of early 80's version of 'horror'. For those who've never tried Netflix, when you first sign up, you take a short 'survey' to see what movies suit you best. Apparently I did something wrong because Netflix must have concluded that I'm a mother-lovin' idiot and gave me this.
In L.A. a meteor shower is due to show up one night, playing havoc on all types of signals, TV, radio, phone, etc. but supposed to be really pretty. Well, a huge chunk decides to make an early entry. We see under a stone bridge a homeless man preaching fire and brimstone (his stick cross has a doll tied to it) to about oh, maybe 15 more homeless people. He keeps saying 'we need to look up' but nobody does - and when someone finally does, of course it's waaay too late. The 'chunk' fires down at them like a nuclear blast - taking out the bridge and turning to dust everything it hits - or should have. Now, there was a huge cloud when it hit, but in the next scene we see no dust, also no cops, no news crew, no emergency services - even though this thing had to have been heard and felt for a hundred miles. And the 'dust' everyone should have turned into - or at the very least small chunks of flesh - are people still whole without much of a mark on any of them - except of course they are now zombies. The wiki says it's alien spores, the movie says absolutely nothing. That was worth a look - until you see everybody in one piece and not a living soul was curious enough to check out the big-badda-boom. Fade out to:
Now this should have enraged every L.A. resident there - the stereotypes are so awful, it should have sparked some resistance somewhere. We have our Hispanic gangbangers (all three of them) and our African American gangbangers (all three of them), each conveniently with one woman with them for who knows what reason, supposed to meet in an abandoned warehouse to complete some sort of deal - drugs? Weapons? Worse? They don't explain that either. But for crying out loud, yes there is violence still in the streets of L.A. and unfortunately minorities can be involved, but gangbanging is a young man's game, mostly because they usually get killed before they turn 18. Sad. These guys are pushing 30, easy. But we have the raunchy dialogue, the homies and the dawgs, the stupid prattle that Hollywood assumes all minorities speak and it's just offensive. And I'm a middle-aged (mostly) white woman. Every time they spoke I just cringed. The two gangs meet at 9 in the morning, although the African American gang spits out that the Hispanics were supposed to show up at 9 at night. Then why were the African Americans there? And why is the guy handling the goods and money some 40'ish white guy? Anyway, just as The Lords of Crenshaw and El Diablo (I cringe just typing that) complete their transaction, they hear a horn blaring outside. See, the zombie homeless have been busy and are now at the warehouse and the African Americans, leaving their woman in the car, determine that she's laying on the horn and come out to see zombies all over the car, trying to get in.
There is also a narc in the group and so there are a bunch of cops and Vice squad ready to converge on the party - until the zombies get at them too. Sample dialogue <wince>, "Bums are eating the cops." "They must be hungry dawg." Sigh. Awe inspiring, isn't it?
This was my first Netflix experience, as my 'well' of movies has run dry - nothing on the satellite and I'm really REALLY sick of early 80's version of 'horror'. For those who've never tried Netflix, when you first sign up, you take a short 'survey' to see what movies suit you best. Apparently I did something wrong because Netflix must have concluded that I'm a mother-lovin' idiot and gave me this.
It's supposed to be Last Rites, didn't sell, so went direct to DVD as GOTD, then COTD, then the UK decided to rip off their OWN stuff and called it 48 Weeks Later. Let me tell you, you could have called it Horny Babes That Want Your Phone Number Now and this movie still wouldn't move off the shelves. If, and I do say IF you choose to check it out, and it's 'free' or part of your subscription, just watch the first 5 minutes - that's the best part and where the bulk of their special effects money went. So here we go, briefly because... blech.
In L.A. a meteor shower is due to show up one night, playing havoc on all types of signals, TV, radio, phone, etc. but supposed to be really pretty. Well, a huge chunk decides to make an early entry. We see under a stone bridge a homeless man preaching fire and brimstone (his stick cross has a doll tied to it) to about oh, maybe 15 more homeless people. He keeps saying 'we need to look up' but nobody does - and when someone finally does, of course it's waaay too late. The 'chunk' fires down at them like a nuclear blast - taking out the bridge and turning to dust everything it hits - or should have. Now, there was a huge cloud when it hit, but in the next scene we see no dust, also no cops, no news crew, no emergency services - even though this thing had to have been heard and felt for a hundred miles. And the 'dust' everyone should have turned into - or at the very least small chunks of flesh - are people still whole without much of a mark on any of them - except of course they are now zombies. The wiki says it's alien spores, the movie says absolutely nothing. That was worth a look - until you see everybody in one piece and not a living soul was curious enough to check out the big-badda-boom. Fade out to:Now this should have enraged every L.A. resident there - the stereotypes are so awful, it should have sparked some resistance somewhere. We have our Hispanic gangbangers (all three of them) and our African American gangbangers (all three of them), each conveniently with one woman with them for who knows what reason, supposed to meet in an abandoned warehouse to complete some sort of deal - drugs? Weapons? Worse? They don't explain that either. But for crying out loud, yes there is violence still in the streets of L.A. and unfortunately minorities can be involved, but gangbanging is a young man's game, mostly because they usually get killed before they turn 18. Sad. These guys are pushing 30, easy. But we have the raunchy dialogue, the homies and the dawgs, the stupid prattle that Hollywood assumes all minorities speak and it's just offensive. And I'm a middle-aged (mostly) white woman. Every time they spoke I just cringed. The two gangs meet at 9 in the morning, although the African American gang spits out that the Hispanics were supposed to show up at 9 at night. Then why were the African Americans there? And why is the guy handling the goods and money some 40'ish white guy? Anyway, just as The Lords of Crenshaw and El Diablo (I cringe just typing that) complete their transaction, they hear a horn blaring outside. See, the zombie homeless have been busy and are now at the warehouse and the African Americans, leaving their woman in the car, determine that she's laying on the horn and come out to see zombies all over the car, trying to get in.
There is also a narc in the group and so there are a bunch of cops and Vice squad ready to converge on the party - until the zombies get at them too. Sample dialogue <wince>, "Bums are eating the cops." "They must be hungry dawg." Sigh. Awe inspiring, isn't it?
Big nasty break of continuity coming up (although there was a lot of that) that even my husband, getting ready for work while I was watching this dreck, noticed just by glancing at it - they open the bay doors for some unknown reason and the white guy pulls out a semi-automatic, prepared to wipe out all the 'hungry bums'. But when the door opens and it shows him in daylight ready to fire, it's a completely different model. I mean the barrel wasn't even close. It doesn't really matter, because he's 'splatted' by the vice squad's van, who are looking for a place to hide from the zombies.
You could write the rest of this movie and be pretty spot on. The cops trust no one, the Hispanics trust no one, the African Americans trust no one. They fight each other more than the zombies. And it's just plain embarrassing. There's nasty undead eating people out there and they're still fighting over whose gang is better. Wow. To save you the pain of the rest of this abortion, they die one by one, the Hispanic's woman turns out to be the narc, they find a box of grenades (a must have in any abandoned warehouse) and succeed at killing lots of zombies and each other. The survivors are the two women, who stagger out of a smoking warehouse (and NOW we have our chunks and body parts everywhere) just in time to see the night sky of L.A. lit up by lots of meteors crashing and burning the city. And they're doomed. But the movie IS over, so it's a happy ending.
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