Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

MARCH, MARCH, MARCH, MARCH, MARCH, MARCH, MARCH... OH DAMMIT IT'S APRIL! STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT 'I WATCH 'EM SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO'... BUT MEANWHILE, HERE'S SOME REALLY DUMB STUFF CELEBRITIES HAVE SAID...






Why she didn't make the list, I honestly couldn't tell ya...
No, I'm Not Lazy, I'm Scheming...

I realize it's already the fourth and I didn't get that one last March movie finished in time (you're welcome), but I've been working and planning and trying to get my health better (And I finally have what seems to be competent help with that, yay!) but I'd rather not reveal anything until I'm sure it's actually going to happen (re: I'm actually going to be able to pull it off) so for now, thanks entirely to and credited to the YouTube channel WatchMojo.com (SUBSCRIBE! SUBSCRIBE!) which has some of the most hilarious top 10 lists I've ever seen, here are:



10 Dumbest Things Said By Celebrities (And a sarcastic word or two by Miss Murder)


10. Brooke Shields: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (Apparently she was killed at birth.)


9. Kanye West: "I won't go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I've ever felt to home." (Hey, be thankful they just used one - it could have been the whole freaking encyclopedia of Kanye.)

8. Alicia Silverstone: "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." (Be thankful I didn't tell you about how she describes - in her words - how she is the 'potty whisperer'.)

7. Tara Reid, star of Sharknado 1-1,000, was the champion of this list in my opinion, but they chose instead to put her at number seven and created my favorite duh moment:



video

Too bad she didn't seem to hear that Tiger Shark remark, I would have loved to hear her mating theory on that one...

6. Jaden Smith: Everything he's ever said on Twitter (example), "If a book store never runs out of a certain book, dose (sic) that mean that nobody reads it, or everybody reads it?" (No Jaden, those kind of remarks usually mean that your parents are brother and sister.)



5. Sean Connery: "I don't think there is anything particularly wrong in hitting a woman." (He later amended that, saying you would use an open hand, not a fist. That's okay dude, as long as you remember that it is legal for women to carry guns... and we're not laughing WITH you, we're laughing AT you...)

4. Jessica Simpson: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken By the Sea.'" (I... I really don't know what to say for this one... but it's no surprise that the reality show of her marriage was short - and so was her marriage.)

3. Justin Bieber: "Anne (Frank) was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber." (Yes, I can totally see that. A starving and dying little girl tottering around the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp, singing to herself 'Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby...' Dude, you are a freaking douchebag. Wait a minute, are you competing with Kanye per chance?)


2. Charlie Sheen "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total freakin' rock star from  Mars." (No argument here Carlos, I'm tired of pretending like I'm not the hottest woman on the planet, a total freakin' horror movie reviewer genius...)

And finally, the woes of a woman who has everything in the world and has never even had to work for a stick of gum:



1. Paris Hilton "Everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to me." (That includes wealth, fame, super expensive everything, tiny dogs, famous friends, and oh yeah, my favorite scene from the awful 2005 movie House of Wax...)