Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, January 18, 2014


Bad Milo aka Ren & Stimpy (Kidding)

(Stimpy farts then sniffs. He runs to Ren.)

Stimpy: Rrrrrreeeeeeennnnnnn! Ren, Ren, you'll never believe what happened!

Ren: (reading) What happened?

Stimpy: (Looks around.) Something came out of my... butt!

Ren: (disinterested) That's nice, Stimpy. Something came out of your butt.

Stimpy: No, no Ren. I'm serious! And not only that... it made a sound!

Ren: (monotone) Let's see if I've got this straight. Something came out of your butt, and it made a sound.

Stimpy: And it smelled funny!

Ren: You've really lost it this time. You've lost your mind. Something came out of your butt, it made a sound, and it smelled funny.

Stimpy: (gleefully) Yes!

Ren: You're an eeediot.

Stimpy: (crestfallen) No Ren, really! Wooh! (Bell rings.) I'll make another one! Watch me now... (strains) Hunnnnnh! (Nothing. He looks disappointed, then strains harder.) HUNNNNNH! (Nothing.)

Ren: Well?
(Stimpy strains the hardest he's done in his life as Ren walks away. His butt cheeks deflate. Ren walks back and kicks the flabby cheeks.)

Ren: You have an overactive imagination. I don't want to hear any more about your stinky fantasies. (Ren walks away again.)

Stimpy: (depressed) Stinky's not a fantasy. He is real. (DING! Stimpy looks hopeful.) And I will find him! (Runs off. Searches all over the house. He gets an idea and talks to the nose goblins he's left under the piano bench.) Hey guys! It's me!

Nose Goblins: (They slowly open their eyes. They speak in chorous.) Hi Stimpy!

Stimpy: Hey listen. Have any of you guys seen my friend Stinky?

Nose Goblins: (Answering one at a time) I don't think so. What's a Stinky? Yeah, what's he look like?

Stimpy: (Thinking hard.) Well, he's kinda small, and he smells funny, and, oh yeah! He came out of my butt!

Nose Goblins: (Answering in chorus) He came out of your BUTT?!?

Nose Goblin: Does he talk?

Stimpy: Well, uh, he did make a sound.

Nose Goblin: (whispering to another goblin) He talks to farts, man!

And that, dear readers, is my review of Bad Milo. Hope you Happy Happy Joy Joy'd it.