Random Bleating From Yours Truly
First, my sincere hope that all of you in particularly weird sections of the US and the world going through this 'global warming in reverse' thing are home and safe and warm. Being in the Pacific Northwest often has its advantages, even if it means being frequently wet.
I can hear you groaning from wherever you're reading this you know. In my mind of course. Yes this is yet another 'why can't you just be normal' type of entries. The abnormal being myself. When I started this blog it was at a friend's suggestion since I was posting all the time about what was wrong (or right once in a while) with horror films. And thus I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To was born.
It was going to be both a creative outlet as well as therapy for me. Since my illness began (for those of you lucky enough not to have read my previous gripes I have fibromyalgia with a nice mix of other ailments for texture and color) my ability to concentrate, read, or even write had become harder and harder to do. My ability to write particularly suffered - for a while, the best I could manage (very, very slowly) was my signature and it still looked like a doctor's handwriting (old joke, sorry).
This means typing is possible, but it hurts like hell, some days more than others. But at least you can READ what I type and thank goodness for spellchecking. Oh, I know how to spell, but my fingers suck at hitting the right keys. I remember in the days when I could take a computer completely apart and put it back together or add a bunch of stuff to it without a sweat that there were dictating programs that would do your typing for you. They were supposed to be 'smart' enough to pick up on your style of speech so that the accuracy would improve with each use. Cool.
|I don't remember having a joystick - I probably broke that too.|
So I took notes on the movies I watched 'cause after the credits rolled I couldn't have told you the plot to save my life. Do I use the IMDb and the wiki as part of my reviews? You bet - not to copy them, but to make sure I get names and the progression of the story straight. 'Cause even when I write the stuff down, there's no a guarantee that when I started the review I can read, much less understand, what I wrote. But I was determined to force the fibro back - get interested in TV shows, other types of movies, books, maybe even beading (a hobby I was actually pretty good at before).
|Yeah, kinda feels like this.|
Relax, this isn't a real animal.
The DVR got cleaned out of all but one series I'm determined to watch dammit (and unfortunately it's not TWD, sorry) and the movies have, unfortunately, been reduced to a list of ones I plan to review in the next couple of months. But after a dry spell lasting - woof, how many years has it been anyway? No matter - I finally got through TWO books - and I'm personally in debt to David Wong (aka Jason Pargin) for that one. He's the head of Cracked.com and the author of John Dies At The End and This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It. Since JDATE is in the top ten of my fave movies (I put it on like background music every couple of days) I just had to read and see the REST of the story 'cause I knew that you couldn't possibly tell the whole JDATE story in a 90 minute movie. I was right.
The first book took me two weeks. The second one, half that. Not because it wasn't as good, it was because my eyes were able to stand focusing on the words longer and longer before the massive headaches set in. So Mr. Wong, thank you very much 'cause I have two new Stephen King novels, a Best Of Horror 2013, and all of my Anita Blake novels sitting with thick dust on the shelves that I'm determined I can now at least attempt to get through.
|Yes, they're just this small...|
When I first turned it on it beeped at me and asked me to set the date and time. I panicked and turned it off. A couple of days later I tried again, having read over the one of four pamphlets that came with the thing, probably half a ream of paper worth of instructions, only one packet in my language.
|Okay so it's not like this... it's actually much, much worse.|
'You know how you talk - don't type that.' How is that, I ask? 'You ramble, you use half sentences, you start conversations in the middle.'
Ah. In other words, in person I'm a crushing bore. Good to know.
Coming up: American Psycho gets psychoanalyzed, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters should have stayed in the oven, and a huge WTH for 2013's version of Texas Chainsaw 3D; also the much talked about, never seen horror movie worksheet may make an appearance plus what's wrong with today's horror genre pretty much is always what's been wrong with it...