Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Friday, March 21, 2014


A Lesson To Be Learned

Although it seems like I've been neglecting my duties, I really haven't. What I have been busy doing, when not watching movies, is finding a way to put all those movies I have on my tape recorder on this blog. My fingers being the sore, little fat sausages that they are, have decided that they don't even want to type one review, much less all my reviews.

Therefore, I have decided to take the plunge and purchase some voice dictating software. The last time I attempted this, it was a horrible disaster. I don't know if that was because the computer was older, the software not as good, or whether I just didn't know what I was doing.

I said the movie was bad, not there's oogie to be had...
So far, with some lumps and bumps as to be expected, this software is actually working pretty well. I had to spend some time training it. That was not fun. Training dictating software involves reading for extended periods of time out loud so that it may listen to how you slur your words, how awful your speech is, and how crappy your reviews actually sound in your own ears. No, just kidding. What it had me read was excerpts from the Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook, which sounds like a lot of fun, until you actually tried to read it out loud.

Hey, YOU try to get a software program to understand the word 'paradigm'!

But, I think for the most part, I have it figured out, as this first dictated entry shows. In any case, I will be able to get my reviews on here and let my poor fat sausage fingers soak in warm water, while I take lots of aspirin and this time it will be for my headaches, not my aching hands.

But until then, I thought I would share the scariest two minutes of film I think I have seen in a very long time. This showed up in my Facebook news feed this morning, and I happened to watch it because I was awake. I thought, well, two minutes, what could it hurt?

It's a good thing that I don't get nightmares, scare easily, or need to sleep with the light on. This very short, two minutes at most, piece of film won the BC Horror Challenge for Best Director in 2013 and in my opinion should have swept every award they have.

For my faithful readers, I am presenting the video here for your amusement. If you can't get it on YouTube it is also on Vimeo, so I hope that you are able to watch and enjoy and check your light switches to make sure they are on.

I kind of feel like the Crypt Keeper and want to say something like, <gravelly voice> I called this nauseating little tale, Lights Out - Who's There.

Until next time, kiddies, keep your flashlight handy and your teddy bear close.

I will be back with movies that aren't near this good, but they will do for this blog. Thank you for your patience, thank you for continuing to read my blog, and watch out because I have the whole butt load of movies to commit to my computer. You have been warned.