Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Thursday, November 13, 2014


Reddit Users Are Both Creative And Too Damned Young

The snow is still here, probably because I'm trying to get this out before it melts and that means I only have hours to do this and so here we go:

So. Enough jabbering and let's look into someone else's brain pan for a bit (again):

Does Anyone Actually Have One Of Those Dreams Where You Sit Up Gasping Or Screaming?

I forgot to tell the reason I asked this. I've personally NEVER done this, no matter how bad the dream. I watched a couple of seasons of Medium on Netflix and all I could think of was if she were my wife I'd make her sleep in her own damned room (she sits up and gasps several times an episode which ALWAYS wakes up her husband). I mean once in a while you can't help it, but every night? So I asked and this is what people said:

1. As far as not remembering them I get that sometimes too. Just waking up choking with a strong sense of uneasiness. - thegreatbrah

2. Honestly RECALLING the dream is not as scary as HAVING the dream was, I'm not sure anyone would actually be that interested in a story about a zombie virus that I managed to cure when Stanley Kubrick told me where to get the flower to compile in the computer and something about airlines. But I guess I could try to make it into a proper narrative, if you really want. :O - lyssavirus  Miss Murder says nope, your dream sounds scary and inventive enough, I'm not gonna ruin it...

Has Anyone Had An Interesting Lucid Dream? I Mean, The Kind Where You Look Around And Try To Remember Things Because You Definitely Know You Are Dreaming?

I realized I forgot to say why I asked this... with me, lucid dreaming is a definite mood lifter. After I have one, I always feel better, no matter how horrible or sick I felt when I fell asleep. Yes, I fly, or visit strange places, or see people I've never seen before. Our minds are a terrific mechanism that no one quite understands. I say I've never seen the people in my dreams, but obviously I've seen them somewhere, and they are stored in my brain, even if I can't remember them.

The best are, of course, of flying - although I have had some as 'tame' as simply being able to float about six inches off the floor. A silly one I was fully aware in was shopping at the grocery store, pushing the cart along but never touching the ground. For me, flying in a lucid dream is problematic. See, I can fly, but if I overthink it in my dream and realize that I AM dreaming I also realize that I can't really fly and sometimes I crash. 

I've seen familiar sites (like the Columbia Gorge) except in bright color like you'd find in the painted desert of Arizona. I've stood loving all the colors, knowing full well it was a dream.

The most vivid (and fun) was one of the first I'd ever had. I was at a fair (rides and cotton candy, the whole bit) and I knew I really wasn't there so I made it a point to focus on the people. Sometimes in lucid dreams, attempting to focus on faces or printed words will knock me out of it but this time, I remember faces, what they wore, the smells, even the garbage. I did not know a single person I saw. That was so damned cool, I was almost euphoric when I woke up. 

1. I have them all the time. One of my favorites was where I found myself in a forest looking at a well. All I could think was "Why the fuck would that be there?" And then, Samara started crawling out of it. So I noped the fuck out. And ended up in another place entirely, far away from the creepy little girl. - annarchy8

2. Sure, depends what you consider interesting. Usually I just fly around or have conversations, stuff like that. I got interested in trying to practice lucid dreaming after seeing Waking Life and I can pull it off on occasion but it usually doesn't last very long. - RobAChurch

What Is The Creepiest Thing A Doctor Ever Said To You? 

1. Doctor went to have me turn my head and cough bare-handed. I asked her if she was gonna put on gloves. She said, "I only do that with ugly or gross b@||s. Yours are nice enough." My wife was in the room... We changed pcps after the apt. My son's Dr. asked recently if our son ever stared at the moon for long periods. I told him no, and asked why. "No reason," was his answer.

What Is The First Horror Movie You Ever Watched - I'm Talking About Your Earliest Memory?

I asked this one because I remember watching Wait Until Dark and Play Misty For Me when I was very small - and getting in trouble during PMFM because I wouldn't cover my eyes during the ax scene... One mentioned Tommy, which wasn't technically a horror movie but scary as shit nonetheless... I had seen that one too and learned three lessons from these movies: 1. Leaving the refrigerator door open will kill you (misunderstanding WUD), 2. If you watch too much TV, poop will come out and make you swim in it (misunderstanding Tommy), and 3. Killing someone with an ax is okay as long as you close your eyes (misunderstanding PMFM). Anywho:

1. I think mine was The Legend of Boggy Creek or Cat People. Both are pretty early memories. - dondo09

2. First I truly remember is Child's Play. I refused to go to bed, even after my parents told me they were planning on watching a scary movie. They turned off all the lights in the house, and proceeded to watch Chucky with their 4/5 year old in the same room. I was absolutely terrified of the killer doll, and further more, too scared to leave the room since the rest of the house was dark.

My parents got a kick out of the lesson they were teaching me about disrespecting their orders, but for years after that I was insanely scared of Chucky. I couldn't go into movie rental places If there were Chucky posters on the wall, or the movie was on the shelf. I would have to walk by and cover my eyes, repeating: "The Brain, The Brain, The Brain" because for some reason The Brain was a good guy in my eyes, and he would keep me safe. Needless to say, my mom was reaping what she sowed when people saw and heard me doing that! :P

It wasn't funny, though, kids just saying his name in school or on the bus would make me break down into hysterics. I was teased relentlessly over it.

I finally decided one day to beat this fear... Stared in the mirror and just kept repeating his name until suddenly, out of the blue, it was okay.

Anyway, I was never mad at my parents about what happened. I love all things horror now, and I thank my past for that. :P - Vore

3. Saw Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare at the age of 3 one year in Florida when on vacation in Disney World with my parents. Went to a theater nearby and they knew I enjoyed horror films from what I always chose to rent at the video store or watch on TV. They didn't give me the 3-D glasses though for fear that I'd get too scared (I guess there's a line somewhere). I remember watching the whole movie and being pretty well-behaved for a 3-year-old. It was one of the experiences that started my love for horror, pointless sequels, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and gave me everlasting nostalgia for a film that everyone else hates. - HESPECTtheCHRIS

4. King Kong at 4 - parents let me stay up late to watch in on BBC2. Not really a horror film as such, but had elements of horror. Also Theater of Blood, as a New Year's treat with the family when I was 7. - Gorshiea

5. Amityville Horror. My aunt opened a bible on the tv and we wrapped the movie in a plastic bag and left it on the patio. We returned the tape the next day. - OnlyTookTenMinutes

6. Nightmare on Elm Street when I was about 6, a baby sitter put it on and let me stay up to watch..... I didn't sleep properly for months! Loved it though :) - Subver5ion

7. It was either The Boogey Man (1980) or Sisters (1973), I really can't remember. There were images from both films that lingered with me from being about 3 years old (born in 79) but it wasn't until the internet picked up that I managed to find out what they were both called. - fatguy666

8. These weren't my first because my parents woke me up for the 3rd feature HOUSE OF USHER because they knew I'd want to see it (and in fact insisted) but I remember seeing THE CONQUEROR WORM and HOUSE OF USHER at the drive-in when I was 5. Awesome! - darklordrob

9. The original Evil Dead. I think I was 4 yrs old. - Pssshhhttt

10. I watched Freddy's Dead on UPN on Halloween Night '96 as a 5 year old. The fact that I didn't find it scary speaks volumes about the quality of that film. - ratey

11. The Shining. It was my favorite movie when I was five. unyieldingwish

12. It was either Jaws or The Exorcist. - daymanuahh

13. Alien. My dad loves that movie. - misfitxj

14. The first movie I remember being truly scared by was the relatively age-appropriate "Watcher in the Woods" at 6 or 7 years old. The funhouse mirror scene in particular kept me up at night, as I recall. - abilliontwo

15. They Live - beige4ever

16. Salem's Lot. - PoopyMcpants

17. Stephen King's IT for me as well. I remember my dad was out of town on business and they were going to air the first part that night. I BEGGED my mom to let me watch it. Hell, she already let me read the book and it is on TV, I figured it can't be that bad...

I went to bed that night and all I could see was that clown, the lifeless eyes of adult Stan and the blood written word IT on the bathroom wall. That shit stuck with me for a LONG time.

Now that I am an adult with kids of my own that want to get into horror, I feel it is my duty to work the way up to that type of film for them. But they will see it. And I am sure, Pennywise will haunt their dreams as well. - theenigma31680

18. Friday the Thirteenth part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. I was about seven and I remember watching it with my grandfather, who was asleep for most of it. Watching Jason kill a teenager with a hot sauna rock is my first slasher/horror death I can remember. That's what I call letting off steam. - Blackwaltz25

19. For me it was sitting in a movie theater as a three-year-old with my mom and seeing the trailer to Cronenberg's The Fly I remember the quick green cuts of the writhing fly-thing and Jeff Golblum sobbing "Help me" at the end over the title card.

For YEARS I thought about that trailer and never knew what it was until I rented the Fly on DVD in my mid-twenties and watched the special features. It was serious closure. - Montese_Crandall

20. Creature from the Black Lagoon. I was in love with Scooby Doo and monsters, so I became hooked on the Universal monster movies. I saw Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein earlier, but it is not exactly counted as a horror movie. - AtomicAnarchist

21. First movie I remember watching that freaked me the f*** out? Parents took me along to the original theatrical release of The Dark Crystal. Not horror, but, when you're two years old (Born in 1980), those Skeksis are pretty damn scary... Screamed so damn bad the folks left the theater five minutes into the movie...

First legit horror movie I ever saw? My dad sat me down and we watched Alien and Aliens back to back when I was around 6 or 7. I didn't process much of the story line in the films, as I was too busy being scared shitless. I think my birth father, as scarce as his presence was during my childhood, was the main contributor to the horror fanatic that I grew up to be. Hell, I remember he used to read me IT as a bedtime story in elementary school. Yeah... - Cornelius_Talmage

22. Nightmare on Elm Street. Cousin showed me while he babysat me, lead to a wonderful love for horror movies. - heypuddin

23. Child's Play. I felt so guilty because I watched it at a friend's house and I knew that my parents wouldn't have wanted me to see it haha. - Matty_James

24. Pet Semetery - bayraycoon

25. I saw part of a Frankenstein-esque movie when I was about 5 or 6 (looking back, it seems like it could have been Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, the Robert DeNiro one, but the details I remember are a little different). I distinctly remember people's hearts getting ripped out of their chests. It scared the crap out of me, and for a while after that I cried at every bedtime because I was convinced that the monster was going to come in the night and rip my heart out. - PenelopePickles

26. It's Alive. Not sure how old I was... less than 10 for sure, and way too young to see it. All I remember is the initial scene in the delivery room, blood being spattered all over the walls, seeing this thing and then me saying "nope nope nope nope" as I hightailed it to the theater bathroom. - danthebaker

27. Stephen King's "It". I remember something about hoovering, and my mum telling me to go outside and play but I was scared shitless. This may have happened in the film; I actually haven't seen it since! - NoMoreAnxiety

28. Child's play when I was 4. I was both traumatized and completely obsessed by it. - There-Wolf

29. True horror movie? Night Of The Living Dead. I was forced to watch so that boys wouldn't have me run to their arms if we went to see a scary movie. Movie I saw and had nightmares about is Tommy - the musical. Man, I can still see that iron maiden of drugs. - ilookedinthebox

30. Event Horizon. Still scares the shit out of me. - THBlueSquirrel 

31. I'm thinking Freddy Vs. Jason was the very first one I remember watching. - The_Other_Dragonborn 

32. Either The Lost Boys or Fright Night. - emf13

33. I'm still young (19) but probably The Ring shortly after it came out. One of the first horror movies I didn't nope out of as a kid. - brightfalls

34. The first one I remember seeing was Suspiria, when I was about 4. I was more awestruck than scared. For years afterward I couldn't remember the name of the movie, but I remembered the flowers on the wall and the girl falling into the barbed wire. It took me forever to find it, because those two scenes were all I had to go on. I watch it at least once a year now. - staygoldponygirl88

35. Can't remember specifically, but my dad would watch King Kong, Frankenstein, Wolfman, etc with me since I was 4 or 5. - SauzaPaul

36. The Thing, John Carpenter's version. I know there were earlier films I saw, but I can't remember them. That one, coming out when I was 5 (I saw it at a friends house a year or so later while his brother was watching it on HBO) simply obliterated all memories of horror films previous. It was monumental in my childhood. - GaijinSama

37. The one i remember the best is probably IT (the one based on the stephen king novel). That scene where the little kid goes to pick up his paper-boat from the sewer drain and Pennywise shows up, is still stuck in my head. Very creepy. - danigazm

38. Poltergeist. - murderface403

There's probably more and I promise once I get back upright again, I'll print them as promised and I thank everyone who were willing to share the weird and the wonderful stuff in their minds...