Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

YOU'VE GOT REDD ON YOU







Redd Inc. aka Inhuman Resources (2012) Australia

Let's face it horror fans, the internet world of watching movies (outside of paid services) is getting dicey. Where many used to upload or download torrents, or just stream movies from a particular site, chances are they run into some bad mofo trying to hijack their computer. It's happened to me twice and I am so glad to have a strong security system and team to help me if I'm in trouble. But it has made me back up and off from using certain sites (even those 'approved' by my security software) and staying with my DVD's and Netflix. I've noticed that there's also a rise in movies being shown on YouTube.

That's fine but you've got to expect certain, umm, problems. For example, a lot of the time they're labelled with every horror synonym and description you can think of to try to get viewers on their page. I've seen lists of descriptions longer than my Google page. 

Another is that they often don't have the title of the movie on the main description so you have no idea if you've seen it, would never watch it, or if it even is a movie after all until the beginning credits get done. 

Also and this is a big one - when I watch music videos, I expect (especially with the Vevo ones) to see a commercial at the beginning. Irritating but livable. With some of these movies, there's a freaking commercial every, oh, I'm going to say ten minutes or so. That. Is. Horrid! I was trying to get info on a movie's credits when it went to commercial! By the time I could get back to it, it was over.

Aaaand of course there are lots of them that are only allowed on the site for hours or days before the link is pulled for one reason or another.

I found this movie by sheer accident. If you know a good place to watch it, go there. If not, don't enter the title to see it on YouTube, you won't find it. The link (as of 11/6/14) is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK1MpnfkNao


Why did I bother? In big letters at the beginning: Tom Savini, Special Make-Up Effects Supervisor. That was enough.

This movie is torture porn. I'm learning what that means and yeah, it can get pretty messy. This one, presented by Fangoria, had a story buried in it though, and it was almost (ALMOST) interesting. 

It starts with the capture, trial, and death by a fire at the mental hospital of a company president who happens to be an ax murderer who liked to chop the heads off of CEO's of big corporations. 



Six months later, we see Annabelle being interviewed for a job by Skype. Being interviewed by Skype? That scared me more than the whole movie... brrrr...

After the interview ended with a 'we'll call you' which you know never happens, Annabelle is contacted during her 'job' as an online stripper by a stranger offering her a job. She cuts him off, but minutes later is attacked and knocked out.

She wakes up in a room, locked to a chair which in turn is locked to a table filled with computers. There are five others with her. Okay, great - we've got the typical wake-up-with-strangers scenario. 



Their new "boss" is a man named Reddmann - the ax murderer who was supposed to have died. Apparently he cut off his left arm at the elbow to leave evidence of his 'death' in the fire. Ouch. He also is sporting a toupe' that some poor hedgehog gave his life for.

The people were not chosen at random (DUH THEY NEVER ARE). All are people who participated in his trial and conviction, whether cop or lawyer or just material witness. Mr. Reddmann's 'purpose' is to have his innocence proven, since he feels those involved with the trial 'didn't do their jobs properly'. 'Kay. 


If they screw up, they get a mark on their forehead with his new left metal hook. Five strikes and you're dead. He files all body parts in a file cabinet (very small chuckle).

He is quite insane. Now here is where it gets almost interesting. His insanity comes because of a certain doctor at the hospital he was committed to. You KNOW in horror movies that every doctor that works in an asylum (or hospital) is evil, nasty, crazy, demon worshiping, or plain sadistic. The doc did a great job to make this man as nasty and evil as he was supposed to be in the first place.


The movie goes in the order you expect - people screw up, people get tortured, people die. But did this guy actually commit the murders at the beginning of the movie in the first place? The participants are chained for days (some for months) to a table, expected to examine every piece of the trial - transcripts, statements, evidence, etc. to determine if they all had done their job 'properly'.

Hmm... try to guess what comes next. Ah c'mon guys - you act like you don't already know. OF COURSE these people didn't do their jobs properly or we would just have a cheap VHS torture porn tape. Evidence was hidden, depositions were 'lost', the cops were corrupt, the 'witnesses' didn't see what they thought they were looking at, and we won't even talk about the psychic the police hired to 'find' Reddmann or Redd as he wants to be called.


Tom Savini gets to make his cameo as the one witness who could have proved Redd's innocence (Redd was firing him at the time) because then the trial would have fallen apart. And on and on and on...

That was the main problem for me. The 'clues' took too long in between the 'torture' of the 'employees' (my ''''' key is just about wore out now) and the stripper suddenly becomes the MacGyver of the group and manages to plot an escape. Uh huh. The hero, if you can call her one, manages to get into a vent, knock Redd out cold with a dismembered leg and tries to free the others.

They use office supplies as weapons but whoops, more die. Of the two who survive, Annabelle and another 'witness' guess which one is the REAL ax murderer? Sigh. When he attacks and severely wounds the girl I almost said 'good' 'cause then it would be over. But no, it goes on ad nauseam and I do mean AD NAUSEAM. 


Somehow she lives but so does Redd and the real killer - and then another fast forward and she's home and healed. She's written a tell-all book about the experience so money is no longer a problem.

On her way to a book signing though, the killer comes to get her. As she runs into the night and the rain, she also runs into Redd, who saves her from the killer (Umm, what?) and then tells her he's on his way to a certain doctor to 'talk' to him about his, umm, methods... are we trying to copy Hannibal the Cannibal or are we doing an homage? Ah, forget it.

The ending was improbable but not too bad. Dressed fancy for her book signing, she shows with blood all over and the head of the killer, slapping it on the podium. Most horror writers WISH they could have a signing THAT cool.