Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, February 7, 2015


I don't know her, don't know him,
don't know him, don't know... is that a her?
Who Are You?

There's been a few award shows recently (and my recently might reach back months so don't worry if you think you missed one) and I realized that I don't know anybody in movies or music anymore.

So this is a quickie quiz on names of singers, actors, and movies that I keep hearing and my quick assessment of who (or what) they are:

Channing Tatum: Boxer!

A Million Ways To Die In The West: A huge history book on the 1800's that no one wants to read for some reason.

Jake Gyllenhaal: Oh come one, you made that one up!

Katy Perry: Umm, Steve Perry's sister? Daughter? Oh, and something about a shark...

One Direction: When the street you're driving on has a solid white line.

Gerard Way: I don't know man, I used to know who he was, he was a 30's something family man with a kick ass rock band, but somebody turned him into a grey (dyed, I swear that boy changes his hair color even more than I do - probably why he keeps it so short now) haired teenager singing British Pop so...

Coldplay: Oh yeah, I used to do that all the time on school snow days.

Bring Me The Horizon: Something Donald Trump says when he's too lazy to get out of bed to see the sun rise.

Ariana Grande: A bittersweet coffee found at Starbucks.

Guardians Of The Galaxy: They're going to have to stop those movies, I don't think Robert Downey Jr. can take much more of that heavy suit.

The Pretty Reckless: Damn those kids and their loud, fast cars - this is a neighborhood! Slow down!

Scarlett Johansson: A character from Gone With The Wind.

In Bloom: One of my fave Nirvana songs.

Bradley Cooper: He's a news anchor for CNN.

Jude Law: I have to assume he's some sort of musician or something.

Adele: A type of facial tissue, I think, for people who cry over breakups.

The Hunger Games: Taking my grandmother to an all-you-can-eat buffet and see how much she stuffs into her purse.

Iggy Azalea: Oh, is he still around? Used to listen to my mother's albums of him when he was with The Stooges.

Ryan Gosling: Umm, wasn't he on 'Saved By The Bell'?

Meghan Trainor: An expensive workout they offer at gyms.

Demi Lovato: Wasn't she once married to Ashton Kutcher?

Lorde: A hair care product to give your style fullness, bounce, and lots of money. Either that or Stan's father on South Park.

The Theory Of Everything: Made famous by Albert Einstein, I think.

John Wick: I think he's the guy who started the Wikipedia.

Force Majeure: I'm not sure - all I saw was a guy in high heels and makeup yelling in three or four languages so I gave up.

To Be Takei: A sad documentary on the effects of Alzheimers when people forget their names.

Lucy: A woman who has some 'splainin' to do.

Frozen: My favorite Madonna song. I had that one on a single cassette (I shit you not, there used to be cassette SINGLES to replace the good ole' 45's...).

The Walking Dead: Me, of course.