Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013


2013/2014 And The World Ain't Ending Yet

Not being a party person here I sit in front of my trusty electronic companion, contemplating the tons of messages I've gotten asking questions about me and this blog so I thought hey, you've been so good to me, why not answer a few? Okay, okay you caught me - nobody's asked me a single thing. I'm just so grateful to be working toward three years of being able to write this blog and want to pass a little thanks and information about yours truly.

Why did you start your blog? Do you think you're funny or something?

My sense of humor has always been a little... different I think. It's not every student who has their Creative Writing teacher tell them, "You're kind of weird, aren't you?" I wanted to be a writer but had neither the time nor the attention span to write anything but short stories which, unless you have an agent, aren't really going to get you anywhere. I had, like most writers, the GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL in my head, but in my head is where it stayed and though it's changed over the years it hasn't come out of there yet.

I was fortunate enough to work for a newspaper in a small town for a couple of years. I learned that just because something is the truth doesn't mean it can be printed and corruption can be found in the smallest of places - that's all I'll say about that. I did get to write articles, roll film, take pictures, develop film and make prints and since the newspaper was still the manual 'stick the articles to the page and make 'em fit' type of paper I got to be creative. I still miss that job.

That didn't answer the question idiot.

Oh yeah. Umm, I guess it started when I was on a group page on Facebook and I would make smart remarks which most appreciated (some didn't) and one guy, Tim Forston (who has co-written several reviews with me and I hope to have more from him soon) suggested I start my own blog. I USED to be computer literate - I could have a motherboard and a bunch of parts in front of me and hammer together a working system with no problem. Now if my computer says 'Hey!' I panic and turn it off. 

So he showed me how to start one through Google + and slowly I built one up. I was actually shocked when I hit 1,000 views, then 2,000 - it kind of really took off from there. I was so wrapped up in it I missed my own blog's first anniversary and didn't realize it 'till months later. This May will make three years of writing - and I thought my ideas would dry up within a month.

So why don't you start a blog of short stories?

Hey that's a good idea, why didn't I think of that?


Oh. I'm afraid that between watching movies and keeping up my blog, my Facebook horror page, and all my FB accounts takes up all my time between naps.

How many Facebook accounts do you have?

That's between me and Mark Zuckerberg and if he doesn't know, I'm not telling you.

What's with the 'Miss Murder' stuff?

Well, I was hoping to have a bit of help and I asked a young person who was liking my stuff if she'd like to help. She thought that was cool - but then realized it wasn't once a month or once a week but all the time and she kind of choked. But I liked the 'Miss Murder' moniker so I'm keeping it for myself thank you very much. And if she wants to throw in a review now and then I'm sure not going to refuse her.

So how much whiskey DO you drink when you write your reviews?

Oh. That's kind of a joke. I really can't drink anymore. Not that I don't enjoy a beer now and again but alcohol and I just don't get along really well. There was a time when I could pound the beers quite regularly (that was NOT a good thing for me by the way) but I'm pretty much a soda drinker now.

You also whine about being sick and stuck at home all the time. What's up with that?

Roughly ten years ago or so I began to feel more tired than usual after work. I had a job where I worked 10-11 hours a day, I took care of the house, shopping, etc. I had a motorcycle (I loved that machine, she was sweeeet) and other hobbies (reading, beading, cross-stitch and a bunch of other stuff). Suddenly I couldn't work, had to give up the motorcycle and all my other hobbies and I hurt. Constantly.

If you've never heard of Fibromyalgia, it basically means 'You're gonna hurt all over and your brain will become mush and you can't do a thing about it bwahahahaaaa' to which you say 'What?' 'cause you've forgotten what you just heard. That, combined with a bunch of other fun ailments has me down flat more than sitting up so I do what I can when I can. It sucks, but others have it worse so meh.

What about your horror movie worksheet? Are you going to make that available?

You forgot to say patent pending. Actually while the worksheet is in development it's not quite finished yet. Some aspects have been there since I first started but the more movies I watch, the more things I find that I want to add to it (for example the 'piss of death' every guy takes in the woods right before he dies). So it may be a while.

Why just pick on horror movies? There are tons of other types of movies that you could pick on.

I picked the sci fi/horror genre because it's my favorite. To me, real life is where the horror is, what's on the screen just strikes me as funny. You can go watch Adam Sandler, I'll watch zombies 'pulling taffy'.


Oh, sorry. That's on my worksheet. 'Pulling taffy' is what a zombie does when they go straight for a victim's intestines.



Don't those movies scare you, give you nightmares?

Nope. I quote the great Beetlejuice, "I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER - EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT..." Ahem. Sorry about that. Nope, where others hide their eyes, I just giggle. Hmm, maybe my Creative Writing teacher knew more than I thought...

Okay, okay enough of that. So for the start of 2014, how does the blog look?

A hell of a lot better than I could ever have hoped for. I was crossing my fingers that I could maybe reach 52,000 views. Then I went past that and... wow. All I can say is that it has been so much fun and I really appreciate everyone, whether they look at my blog and wrinkle their noses and go away, or actually stay to read it.



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