Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, December 2, 2013

MOVIES THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME CRUMPLE UP MY HORROR WORKSHEET, GET A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER AND START AGAIN

Frailty (2001)

Well I had a lot of fun on the Satellite Of Love last weekend, with the MST3K crew and a lot of really REALLY bad movies. I really have have a lot of catching up to do with this blog. Posting my MST3K quizzes was a whole lot of fun though, even if the only comment I've received so far is from one person telling me that all day Saturday I was calling Mike Nelson 'Dave' (have NO idea where that came from) but if you're brave enough all the posts are still there on my Facebook page at:


When I first saw this movie I saw 'directed and starring Bill Paxton' and I just about dismissed it. He's not exactly my favorite actor and when they have their own 'projects' the results are rather dismal. But, even as I had my horror movie worksheet (patent pending) filled out, smugly thinking I was done with this one. I then had to almost start over. This is a movie you think is the typical 'religious people are psycho' movie that turns into something else entirely.

We start with a suicide. One brother contacts another, stating 'there's too many' before he shoots himself. Dismal start. The movie moves to a FBI headquarters where Agent Wesley Doyle (Powers Boothe) is arriving for work, wondering what in the world an ambulance is doing outside the building. He must not be that curious, because he goes inside and forgets about it...

He is visited by Fenton Meiks (Matthew McConaughey, again, not a favorite of mine) who tells the agent he knows who the 'God's Hand' serial killer is - it's his brother, Adam. He had taken Adam's body in the ambulance and parked it outside the FBI. He then tells the entire story of the how and the why...


He and Adam lived with their father, a good man who worked hard as a mechanic and made sure his little family stayed together following the death of his wife. One day while at work, he says 'God' came to him and gave him a mission - the world was full of demons and he had to kill them. They looked like people, but that was only a disguise. God gave him a 'list' and from that, the killing was to start.

I had half my worksheet done after that little speech and was thinking 'brain tumor', especially after he had further visions that revealed the sacred 'weapons', a lead pipe, a pair of working gloves, and an ax with 'Otis' on it (which is never explained but the catch phrase of the movie is Only The Innocent Survive so that may be it, I dunno 'cause there are four other catch phrases to this movie). The gloves protect him from the 'evil', the pipe knocks 'em out and the ax... well duh. The younger brother Adam is on board from the start, but Fenton is horrified that his dad is going to start killing people.

Their first 'guest' is a woman. Fenton's father (his name is not given) touches her without the protective glove and 'sees' her sin. He kills her with the ax, assuring his children that God had told him they would not be caught because they were doing His work. Oof. There's a rose garden by their house which becomes the graveyard for the ex-demons. Why no one notices the newly dug graves...

And so it goes. The young one claims he can see the 'sin' too, while Fenton stubbornly insists their father is nutso and won't participate in the murders. When Fenton tells the Sheriff, forcing his father to kill him, he's furious at Fenton because he's never 'killed' before - the Sheriff was NOT a demon and he's racked with guilt over his death.

For his lack of faith, Fenton is locked in a cellar, only being allowed water once a day. After nearly starving to death, he realizes what he has to do - he fakes it. Everything his father and brother 'sees' he 'sees' too - it's the only way to survive. The next 'demon' to be dispatched is given to Fenton to complete. Having no choice, Fenton instead kills his father. Before he can release the 'demon' though, Adam grabs the ax and finishes his father's job. And continues from there up until his suicide.

Agent Doyle, because of all the detail and Fenton's sincerity believes him and goes with him to the rose garden to find the bodies. This is where they made a major plot whoopsie. No FBI agent worth his job is going to go off alone to find the work of a supposed serial killer the agency has been trying to find for years. But if he doesn't the movie falls apart so...

Sure enough, the movie turns on its head and my smug summation goes right out the window. It seems the father DID receive a message from God (according to the movie) and was able to discern people with unforgivable sins, such as murder, child molestation, etc. I wouldn't exactly call those 'demons' but demons certainly had something to do with them acting that way. As soon as they get to the rose garden, it turns out that 'Fenton' is really Adam - and that his brother had been on God's 'list' but his father couldn't bring himself to kill him. Fenton then had become a real serial killer (his belief in God had been totally destroyed) because he just hated everybody.

But just when you figure you've got it straight, they add another twist: The reason Adam had gone to Agent Doyle is that Doyle was on the 'list' for killing his mother - Doyle joins the others in the rose garden.

The rest of the FBI figure that Doyle was killed by the 'God's Hand' serial killer and wrap things up. And those who had met Adam, those who had taped him on the security cameras, cannot recognize him and the tapes blur his face - since they didn't ask his name, they're pretty much done. The last we see of Adam is that he is currently the local Sheriff, and lives with his wife and unborn child.