HELP WANTED: B HORROR MOVIE TEENAGERS
Help is immediately needed for B movie teenagers to star in whatever lame script some writer thinks is good stuff and finds a fool with money to make it for him. It may not make it to an actual theater, but that's why they created DVD's.
You are qualified if you meet the following: You must be pushing 30 at least (30+ will be considered on a case-to-case basis) to play a young, privileged person between the ages of 16-20 either attending a top high school or college with courses that either do not or should not exist. No older people please, unless as a younger person you were in many of these types of movies and your name is known. Race is not a factor as long as your look is mid to above medium income, or your 'street cred' is applicable to the audience.
You must have no accent unless the movie warrants it. You must be between model slim and movie slim. Overweight people need not apply unless again the movie warrants it. You may bring your own, oh, what's the new word for 'bling' - whatever it is, bring it with you, it will be considered as part of your wardrobe.
Prepare to be messily dispatched in the course of your part. Your head may be removed or your entrails strung out so wear sensible shoes and clothes you don't mind throwing away. Perfect makeup is always required of course, even for severed heads.
If you choose to apply and we do use you, do not be surprised if the audience wishes you dead before the beginning credits finish rolling. That simply means you have done your job. If there is actual cheering when you death does come, consider that a good addition to your resume when you apply for your next role.
Screening hours are 24-7, we are always open as movies come out faster and faster thanks to low budget companies, hack authors and cheap special effects crews. Serious inquiries only please.
Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.