I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Movies So Bad They Make You Say
"What In The Blazes Did I Just Watch?"

Ghosts Of Goldfield (2007)

Okay I have a confession to make. I KNEW this was going to be a bad one. I KNEW I would hate the 'teenagers' the second I met them, the scenario was going to be out of pick-any-horror-script-made and the conclusion would be stupid and futile. After all, it had the stamp of death: Based On Actual Events. And being me, I was right, but I watched it anyway because... <points to blog name>

We have the required five totally obnoxious and not at all likable teenagers with money doing something for school (These schools wonder why their budgets get cut? 'Cause people watch these and think 'What the hell are they doing with our money anyway?') but lying to the, uh, caretaker? of this supposedly haunted Goldfield Hotel by telling him they're from the Discovery channel. Uh huh. It's in the town of Goldfield, Nevada.

Here's the only interesting part you're going to hear about: The hotel is real, so is the town. It was a very lush place for its time, having an elevator and running water in all the rooms. There was a saloon and dining room. It was built and run for quite a profit during the gold rush, but afterward mostly became a museum and today is privately owned. While the town was ravaged by a fire in 1923, the Hotel remains as well as several other historical buildings. Whether or not you want to believe the stories (rumors more like) and the icky stuff is up to you. You can still head out there and pan for gold if you've a hankering though...

Anyway these five idiots are wanting 'real' ghosts for their... whatever the hell they're doing. Getting the keys from a guy running a saloon (For who exactly? The census of the town in 2000 was 440 people... and dropping fast). Since their car is dead, no cell phone service (required for horror films) and the supposed hotel they were to be staying at seems not to exist, they have no choice but to go to the ole' Goldfield Hotel. Somewhere along the way it got electricity since they're able to turn it on - but although the lights are all on, when they show it from the outside it's all dark - and conversely during the 'nighttime' scenes daylight can be seen coming in the windows... told you this one stunk on a particularly bad level. I mean the first kid doesn't even get whacked until we're over an hour into the movie - unforgivable! These teens were not meant to be seen for that long without dying... 

After that the pace picks up as the vengeful ghost, supposedly someone named Elizabeth who was again supposedly murdered by the owner of the hotel for being his mistress and cheating on him with the bartender (a short and very puzzling appearance by Roddy Piper) we find that the main buttinsky who dragged all her friends to this place is the granddaughter of the woman in love with the bartender who betrayed Elizabeth. Oh boo hoo. But at least we're now seeing more dead teenagers - but I think they overcompensated for the late deaths with way too much gush on the blood flow. Just sayin'...

So we're down to Elizabeth and the butt... I mean her name's Julie who tries to make amends by giving Elizabeth back the locket her grandmother stole from her (and there's stuff about a portal, a missing baby who may or may not be down a mine shaft, blah blah blah) but that ain't enough for this vengeful ghost, called an 'angel' by the caretaker. Angel of what exactly 'cause she looked like hell, no pun intended. We're all finally put out of our misery as Julie takes Elizabeth's place in room 109 where she supposedly suffers her murder over and over every night and our last scene is of the caretaker looking up and seeing Julie's 'ghost' staring out the window and smiling to himself because... I dunno, I'm just so glad to see those damn credits. Oh, and as they're rolling, THEN they tell you some of the history of the town and the hotel and the stuff and the things.... wouldn't that have done more good at the beginning of this tripe?