Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Ow My Mother Lovin' Freakin' Eyes


Satan's School For Girls (2000) Made For TV

Not only was this awful waste of film made for TV, it was a REMAKE 
of a 1973 ABC Movie of the Week. Both done by Aaron Spelling. The first starring Cheryl Ladd, this one what-else-the-hell-do-I-have-to-do Kate Jackson. Double the horror! And we get Shannon Doherty who was hanging on to her relevance by that time.

This miserable after-school type special on the danger of witches at your local college (yeah, that's always been a problem) is centered on Shannon, who poses as a student at Fallbridge College to find out why her sister committed suicide out of the blue after coming home for a visit (Gee, couldn't be because of you, huh Shannon?). The ending to this movie is obvious after the first 15 minutes, especially after Shannon reveals that she and her sister have had special 'abilities' since they were kids... riiiight.


Saving you the horror of the typecasting of goth type kids (no they are not dangerous or witches, get with the times people) we find that the true witches are <gasp> the blonde and privileged yuppie types (See? Not dark and deep thinking kids, the rich bitches.). They reveal that the whole plot was Satan's way of getting to Shannon eventually because she is sooo powerful. So what happens? Oh, well since this is by Aaron Spelling, no logic or realistic plot progression is needed - Shannon just 'turns on' her powers and electrocutes everyone. Happy ending for all. I'm really surprised he didn't slip his daughter into this thing somewhere...

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