Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

You Too Can Make Money On The Paranormal - Right?

Paranormal Studies

After watching myriads of movies where privileged young snots get themselves killed (and usually all their friends too) in the midst of writing thesis papers on the Paranormal for their high schools or colleges I thought hey, what kind of money could be made in this and where ARE all these schools that are teaching so many young people this total BS (and no doubt at the same time pointing them in the direction of a relative-owned shop where they can purchase all that EMF and BFD and whatever else they use for ghost hunting). So I went to my good friend Google. At first, there was nothing - unless you wanted to learn online. That sounded lame so I kept going...

If you've had the same experiences I've had, going to Yahoo answers is kind of like hitting your thumb with a hammer in front of a very stupid crowd. You know you've hit your thumb, but 100 people will tell you hey you hit your thumb, instead of telling you how to treat it. In other words, it stinks. The best I could find (and the answer I was expecting anyway) was from one person who actually took the question (I didn't ask it, are you nuts?) seriously: "They don't teach paranormal stuff as majors in colleges; the best you could do is major in science or philosophy and take related classes, but even those aren't offered at many colleges. You probably already know to avoid the 'metaphysical' colleges if you want a real education."

So... all these movies showing classes about the paranormal are a bunch of crap, but then you already knew that. You could try comparative religions or the classes mentioned above, but you still are not 
going to get a lot of answers on how to assemble your own Scooby team. The best you can hope for is something that is slightly related that you can somehow parry into your own little money making scheme: "There are no accredited colleges or universities offering paranormal studies courses or degrees. One can study parapsychology. However, most scientists engaged in psi research hold degrees (usually doctorates) in conventional sciences such as medicine, engineering, physics, psychology, etc."

In other words, prepare for about 25 years or more worth of college. Think your parents can swing that? Or you? Are you young enough that if you finally get done with all of that the first supposed ghosty you see doesn't make you drop dead of a heart attack?

Am I being a bit sarcastic? Ehhh, yup. When I was in high school (no college for me) there was no such thing as anything even remotely interesting as making your own movies, studying EMFs and other phenomena, or any of that bullcrap. I was lucky my high school taught math. Not well, 'cause I couldn't do algebra to save my life, but it had it. Reading, writing, math. And gym. Stupid, worthless gym.

Sigh, so what DOES one do when one is determined to become a ghostbuster? Is there any hope at all for a future at staring at shadows constantly repeating 'What was that?'

One person puts the whole 'What countries offers parapsychology majors in the world?' answer pretty simply: "None of them. A few in Europe used to, but they don’t anymore. That’s because parapsychologists never found anything to study. As soon as you apply the scientific method to the paranormal, it disappears – it was never there to begin with. Nothing paranormal has ever been shown to exist. Trust me, if it ever is, scientists will be all over it and you’ll be able to get a degree studying it. There are so many scientists you can’t pick anything in the world to study that no one else has already written books on. If there were a whole new field of science out there, no one would be ignoring it."

So next time you see someone with a hand-held camera and an EMF wandering around repeating endlessly 'Is there anyone there?' do me a favor and knock that stuff out of their hands and beat some sense into them, okay? (Just kidding, but pointing and laughing is almost as good).