Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, February 17, 2014


Aberration aka AfterThought aka The Dreamer (2007 - re-released 2013)

I have a quick statement for movie makers present and future: Putting a weird picture of an evil looking little boy on the poster for your movie only pisses people off when they waste time watching a vapid movie that could have been seen on the Disney channel (and THEY would have been bored). And the caterwauling by the, uh, I wouldn't really say singer, at the end of the movie just added insult to injury. Somebody get that girl an auto tuner. Wow did it suck!

Problem is, they KNEW this movie sucked. Not to be confused with the movie of the same name (the Aberration one I mean) from 1997 (that's a creature feature from New Zealand) this was first called AfterThought and made in 2007 and even has an IMDb page at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0476985/  .

It. is. horrible. So horrible that apparently either it was yanked from distribution or never distributed in the first place and it sat in limbo until 2013 when they simply changed the title to Aberration and tried it again:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2887012/ .

Hey, if it sucked the first time, how the hell did they think they were going to make it fly the second time just by changing the title?

We're talking about a film that doesn't even know what kind of movie it wants to be. The only concrete part is that there is a girl named Christy. Who drives a Zamboni. In Wisconsin. 'Cause they play hockey there. The rest is just a mess.

One of its' many problems is that it can't decide exactly what this movie is about. One description says Christy is a 'dreamer' who talks to the dead. One says she is a 'conduit' between the dead and the living. One says she has terrifying visions of the future. Well? Which the bloody hell is it? One of 'em? Some? All?

The presumably dead boy in the hockey jersey that follows her around is a blatant copy of Ju-on. If the kid had meowed like a cat they'd have their asses sued off. They should have anyway. That combined with the constant is-this-real-or-a-dream boring sequences, characters you can't tell apart except by attitude (okay, that's the asshole - that's the outcast - that's the popular girl, etc.) and a clear-as-glass outcome that's obvious from the beginning makes for a tortuous 85 minutes.

Kinder, gentler reviewers (read people who either know somebody who worked on the film or someone who didn't actually watch it) said that although there weren't many scares (How about NONE?) it was a 'mystery that kept you guessing until the end'. Um, no. It was a horrible mess of half-ideas in an obvious plot that had a predictable ending that came waaaaaaaay too late. That movie should have been about fifteen minutes long. And setting it up for a sequel? No bloody-freaking way.