Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Thursday, February 13, 2014


The Croods 3D (2013)

First let me say I don't like animated movies. Sorry. When I was little Disney scarred me for life and now... let's just say the only one I've seen that I've really liked is Shrek. The original. Part of that is that I guess I want a cartoon to look like a cartoon, not a brightly colored CGI version of some story. Especially when they throw the 3D aspect into it. Can't watch those at all - my eyes won't focus and I get a headache, plus I don't think they're worth the expense. I have to admit I kind of liked ParaNorman. BUT that movie was not for kids. Also a PG 3D animated story, it was a great one for a horror buff, a rotten choice to show the kiddies. And then we have this PG 3D story.

The hubby wanted to watch a movie with me and he can't stand my usual stuff and has little patience for TV shows or even TV cartoons - but when I mentioned that someone had said this movie was 'cute' he looked at it and decided to try it. Despite it having Nicolas Cage and Ryan Reynolds in it. He shrugged and said, and I quote, "At least I won't have to look at them."

I don't have kids. If I did and I had to guess, I would say that this is a good movie for the kiddies - if you explain to the young ones (those under 10) that the movie might get scary in spots but everything will be okay. If your little one gets scared easily... this might be something you hold on to for a bit.

This movie goes fast and uses the usual plot devices in most animated stories. In this case though, the villain is the earth itself - that would be the scary part for the little ones. How do you fight or defend yourself from your own planet? How do you cope with losing everything you've ever known your whole life?

But you are the parents, you decide what your children watch so you also can decide what to discuss with them beforehand. Geez, that sounds like an after-school special, doesn't it? And then you can enjoy this neat little bit of expensive animation.

Since this is more of a recommendation than a review I won't go deep into the plot. Basically, it is a family of cave(persons?) with a rigid set of rules for survival. Their motto is 'Never not be afraid'. Then their world falls apart. Literally. And this time that word is used correctly. 

As things collapse, crack and generally destroys themselves, the Croods (the aforementioned family) reluctantly move on for the first time in their lives to find safety elsewhere. They are accompanied by a young boy named 'Guy' who seems to have lots of new ideas, to the consternation of the father of the family.

As they go through an incredibly colorful (but dangerous) world, each time they think they find a place that will be their new home - you guessed it, it collapses. I'm not sure what age the animators are trying to emulate, if they are picking one at all (I know just about nothing about this stuff - too much sleeping in school I guess) but if I took a shot in the dark I'd say it had something to do with the continents breaking apart. Or not.

Of course 'Guy' leads them through with his new ideas, the father Grug hates everything, the daughter Eep has a crush on Guy (seeing as how he's the only boy who exists outside her family) and the rest... just kind of follow. Each has their own personality and are good comic material.

Their dangers aren't just the earth trying to kill them of course - there are predatory animals and plants to keep things interesting. Like I said, this is a fast-paced film with lots of things for little ones to see and plenty of bright colors to keep their attention for the 98 minutes it takes the Croods to finally reach the destination they think will be their new home. Not bad - but no sequels please.