Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, February 10, 2014


Internet Trolls And Cellular Phones

A troll is a supernatural being in Norse mythology and Scandinavian folklore. Later, in Scandinavian folklore, trolls became beings in their own right, where they live far from human habitation, are not Christianized, and are considered dangerous to human beings. Depending on the region from which accounts of trolls stem... no wait a minute, that's not right. I'm talking about internet trolls.

This is the most foul of people clogging your news feed or favorite website. Now some people like to put their comments on everything they can find, using their real name just to get their name noticed somehow by all the others making comments. Why they'd want that I've no idea. No thank you. Those could be trolls but I think they're just vain.

Then there's the people who don't comment about the article at all but put links to whatever they're selling, those who complain that the article they've just read has no bearing in real life and, finally, those who feel the need to totally destroy the people brave enough to upload things on YouTube or a website or ??? or make comments.

Internet trolls are persons who sow discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a forum, chat room, or blog), either accidentally or with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

We're not talking about someone who disagrees with what Miss Murder thinks about a movie. That is called a personal opinion and we are all entitled to one. I personally like it if someone actually pays attention to my review enough to find a mistake or a plot point I mistook. But some comment just for the eeeeeeevil wickedness of it.

Backing up just a bit, I used to look over our local news websites a lot and comment on the news stories. But I found out something interesting (and incredibly disturbing). There could be the saddest of news stories (babies dying, young people losing their lives to cancer, older ones being killed in vehicle accidents) and invariably there'd be someone saying something crude. Doesn't matter what, it's just disgusting. This happens so often there's is now something called Godwin's Law especially formulated for these type of people.

Basically Godwin's Law (or Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies or Godwin's Law of Nazi Analogies) is an assertion made by American attorney and author Mike Godwin that has become an Internet adage. It states: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches." In other words, Godwin said that, given enough time, in any online discussion - regardless of topic or scope - someone inevitably makes a comparison to Hitler or the Nazis. In 2012, "Godwin's Law" became an entry in the third edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.

When I first heard this I scoffed - what a crock! So I looked over news and blogs and discussions on Facebook and news pages and.... If I had no command of the English language I'd be saying "OMG IDK SMH totes!" Or, in a real language, he was right. Not every single time, but in a lot of things that I read IN ONE SITTING, yes, the argument (because there always is one) degrades into a form of name-calling and there's a good chance Nazis and Hitler will be mentioned. Here's my personal recent example (no Nazis though):

Miss Murder likes a new a cappella group called Pentatonix. They are five young people who not only sing with great harmonies, several in the group can make it sound as if there are also instruments accompanying them. They usually do 'mash ups' of pop groups hit songs. Among their unusual aspects (read wonderful) they have a guy who not only is able to sing very VERY low bass but Avi Kaplan has been documented as being able to sing two different notes AT THE SAME TIME.

So Texans Scott Hoying, Kirstie Maldonado and Mitch Grassi used to sing all the time together in high school. In time they wanted to round out their sound and added Avi. Then they saw an incredible video of a young man named Kevin Olusola who can not only beatbox but accompany it with a cello and their five member band was complete. Their name comes from the pentatonic scale of five notes. Cool.

Among their growing list of songs, there is one they have of their own: Run To You. Watch it on YouTube, it will give you chills. All five sing perfect harmonies and it is wonderful. So Miss Murder had the dumb idea of saying so as a YouTube comment. I think I said it was so beautiful and they did it without trying to add any kind of instrumentation.

Some... person decided to tell me that I don't deserve to breathe and I was a horrible racist, since the African American Kevin was a 'beatboxer' and my calling Kevin Olusola a singer was very insulting. Huh. My compliment on this gentleman's singing abilities apparently was being equaled to calling him the 'N' word. Mmph.

I replied (which you should NEVER do with trolls, EVER) that Kevin also did not play the cello for most of their performances, is that insulting also? I got an instant reply (he apparently was up with his finger on the notification button waiting for someone to slam and trolling at breakneck speeds) that a beatboxer should be given credit as a beatboxer and not using him as one... sigh. You know what? There was more but I just hit the 'delete' button and put a new comment for PTX saying their song was just beautiful and it made me cry. The end. Is there a lesson here? Nope. No matter what you say or how you say it, if it is public, get prepared to be slammed by somebody for something.

NOW. About cell phones. It's funny watching people sweat about how big their display screen is, how many pixels their camera has, how many games and movies they can hold - on their freaking phones. No one talks about dropped calls or keeping their phone for emergencies (unless it's using their video to capture some event from their car even though they're not supposed to use 'em while driving). No, their phones need to be the best there is so they can play Angry Birds on the toilet or something.

My phone is five or six years old. It's make and model doesn't matter - just know that it flips open, I dial, I talk, I close it to hang up. Period. Pictures? Oh it takes pictures. In fact it's memory is completely full. Why? Well, this particular one will not download photos to a computer. You have to BUY a picture storage service. Then you CALL them, give them the pictures and they put it on THEIR picture site. From there you can then download them on your computer. Sheesh. So I have some important photos on there that are years old on my phone 'cause... you know.

I've purchased two ringtones during my stint with this phone. So I thought hey, my favorite band betrayed me (never mind) so I wanted a new tone. I made a list of ten possibilities of songs that were catchy AND that I would be able to hear (it doesn't play songs so loudly - if I'm not beside it, I can't hear it). After trying over and over they had number 5 so I went to the right screen (yes it hooks up to the internet, you just have to remember to keep your magnifying glass handy) and purchased it. Cool. 

Not cool. No song. Sigh. I called customer service. The first call I felt like I was talking about a computer (Did you turn it on and off? Did you try...) - eventually the call came to the point a lot of them do. They hung up on me. Oh no you don't.

Your only hint, sorry...
I called again - I made sure that the gentleman knew I had to call twice. He apologized in advance 'cause his headset was shorting out so unless he stayed perfectly still there would be a loud buzzing noise. Oh well, it brought a little levity as it was kind of like playing Operation - every time I heard a buzz I'd say 'You moved!'. I had to do something. Another half hour later (I'm guessing) the verdict is I can buy all the songs I want - they just won't download. Great. Got my $2.50 back with only an hour of work. Pffft. 

Then I got the bill - not only had they STILL charged me for the song, but we were also charge around $25 for me being on the internet because we 'don't have a data plan'. That took yet another long phone call to reverse. Finally. But I still ain't getting no smart phone - I don't sit on the toilet long enough to watch a movie or play games.

Back to the movies (on a real computer)...