Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, February 3, 2014


Trick Or Treat (1986)

Don't get confused bad horror fans, this is NOT Trick 'R' Treat made in 2007, although that is also on my list and coming up. THIS is the abortion starring, for some unknown reason Marc Price (Skippy from Family Ties) who plays the lead in this... and then pretty much disappears. There's a reason for that.

The true selling power of this movie is displayed on the movie poster - Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne. If you're hoping for a movie involving these two character, give it a pass... like many movies that say they 'star' somebody important it usually means that the character is on the screen for maybe a total of five minutes if you're lucky. And it explains why this turkey cost almost 7 million in 1986 dollars ($14,878,640.51 today).

So we've got this pitiful (and I mean really, REALLY dumb) story about a kid nicknamed 'Ragman' (by himself I guess since no one else called him that) who feels isolated. Oh poor baby. There's a best friend, a girl who likes him, and a room full of stereo equipment not to mention dozens of albums and cassette tapes (This is the 80's, remember?). When he started whining about nobody understanding him, I wanted to put him over my knee and use a belt until he realized he has it pretty damned good compared to the rest of us growing up. Yeah the 'cool' kids pick on him - they're supposed to, it's an 80's movie.

His all time hero is named Sammi Curr (played by the now-deceased dancer Tony Fields) - apparently they wanted Blackie Lawless from Wasp - probably couldn't afford him.

Do I have anything to say about this movie? Only that halfway through I recognized I'd seen it before dammit. It wasn't any better the second time. You see Marc's bare butt, Tony Fields waaaay overact his part (in face I would have believed he was trying to be the much more inventive and better actor T. Ryder Smith who played Trixter in Brainscan but that wasn't until 1994. He would have failed anyway.

Okay, your Gene Simmons fix comes when he plays his brief bit as DJ 'Nuke' looking completely ridiculous in a feathered cowboy had and sunglasses. One good part - he was wearing a mustache and beard which was a good look for him. He feels sorry for this teenage loser and gives him the last acetate disc Sammi ever made (fancy name for heavier vinyl disc - it was so it didn't wear out as fast). Why he has it and why he'd give such a thing to a teenager - just don't ask, okay?

This was the time of the fabled backward masking. Supposedly it's been done from the Beatles to lots of heavy metal artists. Supposedly. So the first thing this stupid teenager does with this valuable disc is run it backward. That not only ruins the record, but the needle on the turntable. But Sammi is now talking to him from the damned record. And of course as this heavy-handed movie tells you: Rock music is bad, rock albums are bad, running them backwards is bad and metal players are bad. Get it?

Hmmm? Oh, Ozzy. Yeah, you can see him for a minute - on a TV show. His (greasy) hair is slicked back and tied so you can't tell he's got long hair. He plays a preacher that claims all metal music is sick and twisted and Satanic. In other words, DUUUUUUUUH. He convinces no one and Sammi reaches into the TV and kills Ozzy on the spot. Oh well, at least it shut him up. Ozzy does NOT do good with speeches.

The idiot had made a cassette tape of the album playing backwards and now he has to hunt them down 'cause when they play, Sammi comes out and kills people. Hmmm? Why is Sammi dead? Does it really matter? <sigh> Okay, he burned up in a hotel fire - that he started performing some kind of Satanic ritual. I didn't want to let loose that kind of duh on you. Hmmm? Why the title? Because that's when the party is that they're gonna play the tape during so that Sammi can kill everybody. 'Kay?

So that was the first horrid boring movie in my little marathon - aren't you glad I'm not doing new movies now? I didn't think so.
Don't you have anything good?