Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014


It's Too Hot For Movies

I must confess that this is not an idea that's original to me. I was surfing, bored, and came upon a site where people were discussing different telemarketing problems (as in constant calls, calls at night or early in the morning, etc.) and there was a person there who described what he did. 

It sounded like so much fun that I tried it today. I should have written the 'script' down first, I kind of stuttered a little through it but DAMN it was funny! Here's how my conversation went and feel free to copy it or come up with a much better one.

Here's what you do. Next time you get one of those 'Unknown Caller', 'Not Provided', 'Private Number', or a call from across the country and you don't know anyone across the country (make really sure it's not a relative first or somebody's gonna cry), try something in this vein:

<Phone Rings, I pick it up on the second ring>

Me: Is it done?

She: Umm, is Shoy there?

Me: Is. It. Done? You cashed my check two weeks ago, you said it would be done.

She: Uh, I'm trying to talk to Shoy I think...

Me: Look, is he dead? You said no problem, he'd be dead. Is he dead?

She: Umm I think you have me confused...

Me: I paid you people two weeks ago! You said it would be done! Is it done?

She: What?


She: I think that maybe you've confused me with someone else.

Me: I think you should stop calling me constantly with telemarketer calls. <click>

Okay, that was TOTALLY nasty of me but I'm still gonna write out a couple of scenarios so I'll sound smoother and I CAN'T WAIT for another telemarketer call. 'Cause let's face it, it's too hot to review a movie (Our A/C hasn't shut off except for a couple of hours in the morning and the weather is going to be that way all week).

What was MASSIVELY funny is that she's talking to someone who PAID to have someone murdered (as far as she knows) and yet she's STILL trying to stick to her telemarketing script.

Plus you know no matter how long your number's been on the National Do Not Call Registry, there's gonna be those who insist on calling you. In fact, on the main page of the Registry's website is this warning: "Scammers have been making phone calls claiming to represent the National Do Not Call Registry. The calls claim to provide an opportunity to sign up for the Registry. These calls are not coming from the Registry or the Federal Trade Commission, and you should not respond to these calls."

I've heard that some people are making a hobby out of keeping careful track of numbers and suing for money from those who call against the registry but that's too much work.

And I'm just too evil.