Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, August 20, 2012

A Most Spectacular Craptacular Movie Marathon Weekend

Old Movies Revisited Just For The Fun Of It

Shocker aka Wes Craven's Shocker (1989)


Few movies show even an ounce of imagination to go with all the killing to make a real horror movie. Even fewer can do it and make it remotely entertaining, and in places, even funny. This was one of those and I needed a break so oh goody. Now I had seen this one before and laughed my butt off, so I was looking forward to seeing it again. It was a bit slower and not quite as 
funny as I remembered, but still had some good stuff. There are familiar faces, but the most fun is seeing pre-X Files Mitch Pileggi, who was such a stuffed shirt as Skinner in that series, play a gleeful serial killer. Not to say there weren't more than a few duh moments too, after all, this was the 80's still and I think movies were being played around with to see what would 'sell' the best. But here we go:

A serial killer is taking out entire families in L.A. He's been doing it for nine months and cops are no closer to finding out who and how he's doing this - he leaves no evidence on the crime scenes (of course this was before CSI, so...). Enter Jonathan (Peter Berg), pretty boy football player who can't keep his eye on the ball 'cause it's on his girl Allison. During one practice, he hits his head, hard, on the goalpost. His girl walks him home, but not to where he lives, where he grew up with his foster family and the screen goes blue, telling us something is up. He goes in (Allison has disappeared) and finds a bald TV repairman named Horace Pinker (Mitch Pileggi) in the process of murdering his foster mother, brother and sister. When he dives into Pinker to stop him he goes right through him - and wakes in his own bed. 

The phone rings: What Jonathan saw happened for real. For some reason, he now has a 'connection' with the killer (I knew why even the first time I saw it immediately, but then I do that a lot). His foster father, who happens to be the detective who has been trying to catch this guy, of course doesn't believe Jonathan's story. So Pinker is free to murder Allison to get back at Jonathan. Despite Jonathan's pleas, his foster father continues to disbelieve him so he goes after the guy himself. What he doesn't know is he's being followed - his detective father has become suspicious of him. They end up at Pinker's TV repair shop, and after the death of most of the officers, Pinker is finally caught and arrested. He of course is sentenced to the electric chair immediately (Only in movies, right?) and Jonathan wants to watch. That's when he finds out what I knew and you probably figured out too: Jonathan is actually Pinker's son, who he beat the crap out and killed his mother - Jonathan had shot him in the knee, giving him a signature limp, which you know will mean something for the rest of the movie.

Now Pinker isn't just a psycho, he's into black magic (of course) and is actually found 'praying' to... somebody while shocking himself with the wires off a TV set. Do we know where this is going kiddies? Of course we do, but after a slow spot it gets kind of funny. He's executed - but not. He survives the shock until his, uh, evil? Soul? Whatever - something goes into the doctor who was to pronounce him dead, who then leaves the building. The dead body of Pinker (in an orange jumpsuit with checkerboard squares - a design I could find nowhere so have no idea what significance it had) is presumed to be the end of the trouble. But Jonathan is not convinced.

Pinker jumps from body to body. After implicating and having Jonathan put in jail for 'copycat murders', Pinker can't help himself and keeps killing so Jonathan is freed. He is determined to destroy him once and for all and asks his teammates and coach for help (Isn't that what a football team is for?). After Pinker inhabits the body of Jonathan's father, he 'escapes' into a satellite dish, and things finally start moving toward the funny parts. Pinker can now jump from electric source to electric source and is now almost impossible to fight. But Jonathan thinks he's the one who can do it. After 'tricking' him into a TV set, he 'follows' (How? C'mon, this is Wes Craven, anything goes.) and they start hopping from channel to channel. Best line? In the original Frankenstein, Jonathan yells at the good doctor 'Call 911!' <snort>

They keep doing this for a while, even interrupting a newscast (John Tesh before he got all goopy with the dumb piano music) reporting that strange sights have been reported on different channels. Finally they jump out - into the original room Jonathan first saw him in, in his foster home. He's had a television crew set up to 'capture' the moment. He also gets hold of a remote and of course, for Wes Craven reasons, it works on Pinker, making him 'pause', 'reverse' and somehow repeatedly slam himself into a wall, Three Stooges style. Oh, did I mention the 'ghost' of Alison has been helping him through all of this? No? Well, that's Wes - if he can cram extra weirdness into something, he's gonna do it. So the climax of the film is the camera crew indeed sees Pinker as his electric self, and Jonathan forces him back into the TV as the football team (Remember them?) do a little felony at the power station and cause a blackout throughout the city, supposedly wiping Pinker out once and for all.

Yes it was silly, a bit stupid and pure Wes Craven but hey there's worse. A lot worse.

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