Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Oh My God No! Another Shoy's Saturday Craptacular Extravaganza Marathon

Is cannibalism ever a good thing to make a story about? It's been around almost since the beginning of man (the Zombie documentary talked a lot about it but that would have taken up a lot more space) and yes, it still happens. In fact, some diseases that cause zombie-like symptoms can be traced to those who consume other human brains. Oh goody. So, besides obvious stories like the Donner party and the Uruguayan rugby team who crashed in the Andes which happened even if the movies were exaggerated or even new movies made to exploit that, do we need more? Apparently Fangoria, a decent magazine but sucky movie making machine thought so and so we have...

Hunger (2009)

Basic synopsis: A twisted son of a bitch who was in a car accident as a child (eight track player in the car was a nice touch) who was there for weeks and ended up eating part of his mother decides he needs 'answers' and so performs experiments on other human beings, observing their behavior when they experience 'hunger'.

Take five people - four of them have been in the position of taking another person's life for different reasons. One has not, he is the 'control subject'. Put them in a pit with no chance of escape and watch them with cameras. Conveniently have one of them be a doctor so she can explain what is going to happen to them if they can't get out. And watch the 'fun'. But this is not 'fun', it is torture (more for us) just to watch these people degenerate into animals as the 'hunger' gets worse and they get more desperate. They have water, just no food. Supposedly, the average human being can survive for 30 days without food. And there is a countdown running to show them the days passing. Oh, one goody slipped in there - a 'ten blade' made for cutting human flesh.


They actually last pretty long before resorting to cannibalism, 24 days. The doctor, Jordan is knocked out and they kill a sickly man and eat while she's unconscious. They tie her up with... whatever the guy left down there I guess. The second is eaten at 27 days. And this is taking way too damn long. Two (plus Jordan) are left after 30 days thinking that they've 'won' - until they realize they still are not getting out. 


At 33 days, one kills the other. Jordan, using the last of her strength kills the last one - but still does not eat. She writes something on the water can lid and hides it from the camera, smashing the light. She tells the 'camera' that he will not win. This scares him, and he can't help himself, he goes into the pit to see what she wrote. It was 'See you soon sunlight'. As he puzzles that out she leaps on him and kills him. The final scene is her slowly climbing the rope ladder to freedom, feeling the sun on her face and the movie stops there. Ninety minutes too late. This was horrid, I don't know why Fangoria thinks they can make movies, this was just torture and I don't mean for the characters.

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