Having horrible days added onto an already suck-filled life with health and other problems kind of makes a reviewer a bit mean when it comes to criticizing someone's hard work. Fortunately I have no problem with that... and believe me, these people more than deserve what they get... you'll soon see what I'm talking about. For a little bit of a change though, our first entry is actually NOT a movie, but type of documentary...
Zombies: A Living History (2011)
In a way, this was a pretty interesting bit of history, mixed with battle tips, mixed with folklore, mixed with theories galore. The part that made it awful was that it was mixed all right - mixed in the head. These guys couldn't get their facts straight, nor stop contradicting themselves, which made for a program that for those who aren't terribly interested in zombies think those that us who are must have pate' for brains. So I took the show, reworked it so it was logical, left out the contradictions (For example: "Death is man's greatest fear. But what he fears the most is..." whoa, wait a minute slick. You just lost your audience right there. Another was when describing a type of zombie that "was unstoppable so to stop him you have to..." no no no.....) because that kind of stupidity is what makes zombie enthusiasts look like morons. We are not morons. We do not necessarily believe that zombies will take over the world, but certainly a massive breakdown of society is totally plausible, and having some kind of disease causing it has actually happened before in history, so why not again? Let me attempt the real breakdown here:
The earliest reference to a type of zombie is a Mesopotamian poem entitled 'Epic Of Gilgamesh' where Ishtar, a goddess, would cause the King Gilgamesh to have a kind of immortality where 'the dead will feed off of the living'. In China, since ancestor worship (and dread) is their prominent fear, their version of zombies are known as 'Jiang Shi' or 'the hungry ghost'. It is also known as a type of 'hopping' vampire or zombie (not sure what the hell that means but oh well). It would manifest itself (usually being a past family member) if for some reason it was pissed, like it had a horrid death, a bad life, or an improper burial. The Arabs coined the term 'Ghoul' which is still used today usually representing something dead but still animated. It too is usually the creation of a soul that is punished for a sinful life, often being represented by a woman who was a prostitute. Nice. In fact, this is what Romero called his creatures in his ground-breaking 'Night Of The Living Dead' in 1968. The term zombie came later, and not necessarily to his liking. The Scandinavians, not to be outdone, had a Viking version called the Draugr (this was the supposedly unstoppable one).
Each culture also seems to have its own way of 'preventing' zombie attacks, and some are still used. In Ireland, excavations have revealed bodies with rocks in their mouths, supposedly to prevent them from biting. The Greek created the term Maschalismos, meaning to mutilate the body before burial, supposedly to keep it from being able to do any damage should it choose to rise. But think of today's cultures - we still burn, bind, embalm, bolt coffins, bury them in cement vaults or locked crypts - that's not for us, that's for THEM. So they can't come back. Right?
Now of course the chance of a coming zombie apocalypse is very slim. But new diseases are very, very tough and getting more resistant to any cures. From the black plague that decimated Europe's population by the millions, to mad cow diseases, H1N1, SARS, etc., the possibility of a disease, whether 'natural' or man-made is very VERY probable. And since our world is now so small that many travel the globe, it is no longer something that would be contained to say a city, or a country, or even a continent. We are all at risk from anything, and there is no distinction on who would live or who would die.
They had some interesting people speaking on this subject - including Max Brooks who is always entertaining to listen to because he's so damn sincere about everything. The only one I hated was a representative of Fangoria (News flash guys - you've got a decent magazine but as movie makers and 'zombie experts' you suck!) who I totally expected to end all her sentences with 'Oh. My. God!' and shake her head around a lot. But I digress. There were some very smart people stating some very logical statistics, history and probabilities so if you can find this program, listen up. Even if zombies never become 'real' other things certainly already are and you will only benefit yourself and those you love by paying a little attention.
One fellow I really enjoyed and want to find his book was Roger Ma. His book is The Zombie Combat Manual and I highly suggest it for practical weapons tips. For example: He brought out the more 'exotic' type of weapons like Katanas or Maces, but you know what? The best tools are the simple ones - the crowbar, the trench digging tool (fancy way of saying 'shovel'), the ax, the .22 pistol. There are flashier, there are fancier, and some have way more, uh, destroying power, but what do you want to carry on your back if you have to hike everywhere you go? As one guy put it 'Ounces become pounds become pain.' Less is more. And anything in a regular emergency kit could be used in a zombie situation, so having an emergency kit doesn't make you weird, it simply means you have prepared for... well, anything.
And that was the main point. Zombies are a scary thought sure, but for man to survive, it will take cooperation, keeping our heads, preparing supplies and watching others backs as we would want them to watch ours. Because a ZA might be funny to some, but it's not far off from any other disaster where the total order completely breaks down (look at the effects of Katrina still being felt) and caring for our families as well as our fellow man is what will see us through in the worst of scenarios.
I could really go on and on but this is good enough and not a bad start to my Saturday. Unfortunately, it was about to get worse.
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