Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Life Sucks And Then... Apparently You Live Some More



Very large apologies for not keeping up with my movie reviews. I had planned another craptacular marathon, but even two free movie weekends and Netflix didn't quite give up enough material at least to do one right now. I do have several very VERY bad films to review, but I'm also going through a very tough time right now. If you know me on Facebook, you've probably heard more than you want to about the illness of my favorite little cuddle cat. Well, modern medicine is a bitch. Everything they gave us to make him better made him much, much worse. It's like we paid hundreds of dollars for the dubious pleasure of torturing him for a week and watching him die even faster. Needless to say I won't be taking him back in for a 'check-up'. Check what exactly? That the medicine made him so sick he went from eating infrequently to not at all? The incredibly expensive pate'-like food they had us give him (high calories, great for weight gain) by syringe turned horribly wrong? For one thing - don't feed any animal with a hard, plastic syringe. Why? One, it's hard and when animals eat they want to chew. He just about busted his jaw, managed to crimp the end shut and slice open his gums at the same time. Oh yes, an anemic cat bleeding all over the place is such a joy. Oh and the Pepcid they gave me two whole tiny pills of (for more money than a case of the damn stuff at any store) doesn't get to do it's job if the medicine makes him.... okay okay, this is not I Suffer So You Don't Have To so that's enough of that.

Coming up in our horror (or horrible) selections: Some foreign films that prove that different countries have some weird things to be scared of, a newer film that was supposed to be terrific but... wasn't. A story about a haunted house that actually has an interesting plot believe it or not, a zombie film here and there, the 'Tremors' four movie versions (hopefully with a little commentary by my friend Tim Forston), a movie about a sick little moo cow of a doctor doing unspeakable things to a guy he kidnaps - not so unspeakable when we find out why, and any other goodies I can pack into my little brain for your non-viewing pleasure. And oh boy October's around the corner so there's gonna be some more The Walking Dead character reviews...

After all, I STILL Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To. In sickness, in health, who knows - maybe even after I'm dead  (How many zombie reviewers do YOU know of?)...