Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011)
I almost put this movie under 'Movies You Watch Because Of Who Made Them' because the reviews said this movie sucked out loud and even viewer ratings were poor to horrid. But Guillermo del Toro made this movie, and since he did the Hellboy series, Blade II, Cowboys and Aliens, and a spate of kiddie films, I thought it couldn't be too bad. I was wrong. Dead bang wrong. This is one of those movies about a little kid that kids can't see (rated R). I hate those to start with. And why was it rated R exactly? There was absolutely no language, violence was there but no real gore, and the scares would only work on a ten year old, if they were really gullible. Talk about being bored to tears - I almost applauded when the credits showed up.
Sometime in the 1800's I'd guess, there's a mansion called Blackwood Manor, where famous wildlife painter Emerson Blackwood kills his housekeeper in order to get her teeth. He has already knocked out his own. He puts them all on a plate, setting into an ash pit in the basement, pleading for mysterious things in the dark to give him back his son. But since they are not children's teeth, they're rejected and the things take him down the hole instead.
|The latest equipment in fairy busting technology.|
From the first night, Sally hears voices. Of course, adults don't believe her (probably thinks it's the drugs) and she is left on her own from the start. Nice. Sally wanders the grounds and finds the hidden basement's skylight (and a fairy ring - a round of large mushrooms with nothing but grass in the middle although leaves cover everything else). One of the workman restoring the house, Mr. Harris, warns her, Alex and Kim not to venture into the basement so of course being movie-stupid that is what they immediately do. Sally finds the sealed fireplace (or ash pit, whatever) and hears that the voices are coming from there - she's hearing them in the ducts I guess.
|The only caring adult isn't even related to her.|
Finally a little adult smarts but the wrong person. Instead of daddy, the girlfriend visits Harris in the hospital, who sends her to the library. The librarian shows her unpublished artwork which is very similar to what Sally has been drawing. Blackwood had drawn them just before he vanished, along with his son. Now we get that this is a twisted take on the tooth fairy lore. Coming home she finds a hidden mural that depicts his son being taken by the 'fairies'. She wants the kid out of there but the massive duh of a dad can only think of his investment in the house and the big dinner he's having for his boss.
|Inattentive, greedy and just plain stupid daddy.|
|CGI overkill of very ugly tooth fairies.|