Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

1980'S BAD BAD RUBBER PIGGY PART THREE AKA DID I ALREADY DO STUPIDEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR YET?





Oasis Of The Zombies aka L'Abîme Des Morts-Vivants (The Abyss Of The Living Dead) aka La Tumba De Los Muerto Vivientes (The Tomb Of The Living Dead) aka Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies aka Le Tresor Des Morts Vivants (The Treasure of the Living Dead) (1982) France

Yeah yeah I know, I've already proclaimed my pick - so we'll just predate this one for last year, okay? 'Cause this was by far the most horrible, boring, stupid, pointless zombie movie ever made. How bad was this movie? This movie made Zombie Lake look like something created by Einstein.

You know how when a movie is bad they just try to sell it under another title? Well this one has more titles than it has a plot. I'm not kidding either. Where Zombie Lake at least attempted some sort of story, this is merely Nazis who intercepted a French troop who happened to be moving six million dollars worth of gold across the desert. What desert? What French troop would be that stupid? How would the Nazis know? 

Point being, according to the movie anyway, that six million was seized by the Nazis and then they and the gold mysteriously disappeared (read sunk down in the sand or were buried by the French - it's not clear). So we have two different groups going after it independent of each other - one an ex-military type of Frenchman and his cohorts, the other a bunch of colleges students 'cause hey, nobody's gonna miss either group, are they?

Is the gold recovered? Pffft. Was there at least some nudity to keep interest at a minimum level? Pffft. Which group won, the students or the ex-military? Pffft. Were these Nazi zombies at least better done than those in Zombie Lake? Pffft.

Excuse me, I have to go get a gallon of water, I seem to have run out of spit.

From the metallic-sounding scratching of zombies climbing up through the sand (Metallic?) to the only site of zombie being a skull popping up and cutaways to people putting up their arms and screaming, to in the end when there is a zombie to be seen (in a dark, it-could-be-anybody scene) it is soooo obviously a mannequin and fell over like wood when 'attacked', this piece of garbage couldn't be saved by hundreds of incidences of nudity, which, of course, this film does not have. I highly recommend this movie to people you really really hate.