Slash (2002) South Africa
It's pretty sad when you watch a movie and all you come away with is a sense of satisfaction that you got the make and model of the car they were using... But lately some of the movies have been such stinkers that hey, you gotta cling onto something when there really is no plot to speak of. Too bad 'cause there aren't too many movies showing that are out of South Africa. Pity. It calls itself a comedy/horror/thriller and strikes out three times.
|Oh how I WISH this was the band playing...|
We fast forward to a car with two 20 somethings that we want dead the second we see them. Apparently they can only afford to travel in a car that is being rocked back and forth by stagehands while they blow 'fog' past the windows so you can't see that yes, they're in a studio.Whenever they show the road, the camera is positioned so it looks like they're driving right down the middle of the road. Sigh. The car (because that's the only interesting thing I could find) is a 1970 Pontiac 2 door convertible Lemans that they have attached aftermarket fog lights to since the '70 Pontiac didn't have 'em (Isn't that exciting?) but they didn't think through their design change very well.
See, the young idiots run themselves off the road in movie-stupid style (because of a CARDBOARD COW) and crash into a cornfield, taking a sign to the grill as they do. Now, with the extra fog lights, there's not enough room in the grill for the sign, so you can clearly see that the right fog light has been removed so the sign will fit. It is also obvious that the movie makers have trampled the corn in advance so the car will not only fit through the field, but they can open the doors with no problem.
Isn't that exciting boys and girls? These are the things I notice when I see a movie. Which is probably why I usually watch them by myself. So the driver goes off to take the 'piss of death' 'cause don't you always die in horror movies when you go off alone to relieve yourself?
So the guy gets knifed first (naturally) but outside the car so they don't mess up the pristine white interior. The girl, apparently also unwilling to mess up the inside of the car jumps out and runs through the cornfield to die - as we get a brief sigh of relief until...
|Just call me 'Mac' - 'cause I love Mac 'n Cheese...|
And how does a douche band like that who play in small bars afford a new bus? Oh yeah, sorry, the duh factor. I almost forgot... the boy's name is McDonald <small chuckle>. Oh one more duh - the dead aunt is laid out on the dining room table (yum!) and apparently she listened when they told her not to breathe but forgot about swallowing 'cause you see her throat go up and down.
|This whole movie is just yankin' your chain...|
|It's coming at us! Let's not move to the right or left or anything...|
|I got this outfit at Wal Mart. Why? It was on sale...|
Oh yeah, the surviving band members (after being treated to those magic blankets movie paramedics like to give out to make them all better) go back on the road with a new song. What is it about? I'm really disappointed in you for not guessing. I don't know the title but the word 'scarecrow' and 'EIEIO' are included. Wow.
Old MacDonald had a farm
And on this farm were dead people
Cause this farm was duh central
And blood corn is extra tasty
Ahem. I'm really sorry about that.