I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Making Movies Out Of Nothing At All

Book Of Blood (2008)


To begin with, let me state that Clive Barker is one of my favorite horror writers of all time. Nightbreed, based on the first half of his book Cabal was and still is near the top of my favorites list and I watch it every time it comes on even though I have it on VHS (no laughing). And yes, many movies have been made by taking a writer's short story (like Stephen King) and blowing it up into an entire movie, sometimes SEVERAL entire movies. But this is unique. You see, Books Of Blood was an anthology of short stories in six volumes that Clive Barker wrote. This movie was made from the INTRODUCTION to these volumes. A whole movie based on an intro. So if there isn't a whole lot of substance here, you can see why.

I knew I should have taken Home Ec.

We start with a guy eating the most disgusting breakfast I have ever seen (this is England after all, not known for their great cuisine) and dripping blood onto his plate (ewww). He doesn't know it but he's being stalked. The stalker offers the guy a ride. He accepts and, exhausted, falls asleep. When he wakes up, he's strapped to a table (sound sleeper) and the stalker reveals he's a kind of bounty hunter. He's taking the guy in. Well, part of him anyway. His skin. All of it. The guy, knowing he's going to die, offers to tell the story of why he's the way he is if the bounty hunter will kill him quickly. The bounty hunter, in no particular hurry, agrees, staring at the scars covering the guy's entire body, from head to foot.

What? Is there something on my face?

Paranormal professor Mary wants to see ghosts. Really bad. Of course, she can't see them, just talks about them incessantly in her class. During one class she notices a very handsome young man named Simon staring at her (I guess that makes her a cougar) and she's intrigued. After class the young man reveals he believes in ghosts, he's seen them. He even has a psychic talent, gained when he was a child. She's thrilled because she knows of a house with a horrifically violent past that she believes would be the best place to find the spirits she wants so badly to see (do we see a Poltergeist kind of theme going here?). So the two, with her assistant Reg go to stay at the house. Reg has all kinds of equipment to 'catch' ghostly presences (yup, definitely Poltergeist stuff) and the boy Simon is to stay in the attic room, where violent deaths have taken place. The first nights we hear the bumps and groans and the teacher and her assistant are shocked to find charred writing on the walls. She's thrilled, he's skeptical. He convinces her to have the stuff the writings were made with analyzed.


Several times through the film Mary recites what is part of the introduction of the Books of Blood: 'The dead have highways. They have signposts, these highways, and bridges and lay-bys. They have turnpikes and intersections.' You bored yet? That would be her fault because the books are great. Anywho, 'It is at these intersections that this forbidden highway is most likely to spill over into our world.'

Watch where you're writing - NO NOT THERE!

By this time it's obvious they need a time filler (this was, after all, only the introduction to a whole series of books) so we get a romance between teacher and student. That takes up some time. During the night Simon, still sleeping alone in the attic, begins to scream. Cuts begin to appear on his body in different languages. He's hurt but not enough to take to a doctor. She is now convinced that this house is indeed an intersection and the dead are trying to communicate. Meanwhile, the two continue their affair to eat up some more time. Oh and to create a bit of exposition for her - she too had a gift as a child, seeing little girls playing by a fountain who weren't really there. She said nothing. When the fountain was torn out they found the body of a little girl - whose father went on to kill six more before being caught. Ho hum. Yeah, now I'm seeing a bit of Nightmare On Elm Street stuff here 'One, Two, Freddy's coming for you...'


But sweet innocent Simon is a major faker. Yeah, he once had an experience as a kid, but that's it. He faked all the stuff happening to him and around him to impress her. She finds out and kicks him to the curb even though he swears the second happening was real. He's determined to prove himself so he comes back and we get to start all over again as he moves into the attic room. What do you know, he was telling the truth and is attacked again, more bloody writing appearing on his body. When he screams Mary runs up to him. Reg starts to follow but as he's halfway up he sees a 'real' ghost and, being in a horror movie and therefore stupid, promptly falls down the stairs and breaks his neck. When Mary reaches Simon who is writhing on the bed, she sees these 'ghosts' surrounding him, writing on various parts of his body. One wall now shows a huge landscape with a long road, and a constant stream of, I guess, disgruntled dead people walking along it. Mary now believes she is the 'key' and Simon the 'book' for their tales to be told (hence the anthology) and swears to make sure to tell their stories. Simon has had enough, besides being disfigured for life, he hurts and he realizes Mary just wants him for his body (sorry, had to throw that in there). He runs away. She's afraid if she doesn't get him back SHE will become the book, hence the bounty hunter. And his tale is told. And his bargain is honored. Inexplicably once the bounty hunter's done and the skin is in a suitcase, the entire room (sealed for some reason) fills with blood, drowning him. That's one way of getting out of paying him.

I wonder if I can get this in baby blue?

We next see Mary (whose hair has inexplicably turned completely white) with the suitcase she took from the dead bounty hunter (the blood has completely disappeared). Taking it back to the 'highway house', she opens it and ewww again, there's the complete skin of her little boyfriend. She hangs it up so that the dead, who continue to traipse through the house, can again start writing their tales of woe (what happens when they run out of space?). The last scene is Simon himself on this highway, looking sadly back at her as he joins the others shuffling off to.... somewhere. And she makes millions telling dead people stories.