I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Movies So Bad They Make You Say "What In The Blazes Did I Just Watch?"  




The Final (2010) After Dark Horrorfest:


There's been a lot of emphasis on bullying and a huge movement to try and end (or at least lessen) the pain that not-so-popular kids, never mind the LBGT groups, go through every day in their schools. Positive encouragement and proactive methods are developed to make a better life for these troubled teens. This isn't it. This isn't even good for BAD methods. It's just - bad. And torture. Literally. And the worst is suffered by those who watch this movie.

A teenage girl in a hoodie walks into a restaurant (that sounds like the start of a joke). As she pays you see that she has two fingers missing on her right hand. She sits at a table alone, hearing a young boy asks his mother "Why does that girl's face look like that?"

Enter your high school bullies names here.

High School (or any school for that matter) is hell. Anyone who wasn't popular or at least accepted knows that. And guess what kids - this is far from new. If you think you getting ripped on is something new to your generation, guess again. Ask your parents, ask your grandparents - kids being cruel to other kids goes back... probably to the Garden of Eden. Cain DID kill Abel after all, and that was his brother. So kids are cruel. What's new? Apparently to the makers of this movie, what you can do about it. If you're stupid.

We really aren't that hot but the movie says we are so...

Stereotypes run rampant in this flick. One student Ravi is constantly humiliated by Bradley and Bernard, both jocks. Emily, who the movie describes as goth but I thought just... normal, is tortured by the three 'bitches' (their own description) of the school - Kelli, Bridget and Heather (This movie goes by strict stereotype rules - if you're an outcast, it's complete, not just because you're not popular but because your a TOTAL... something. Pick anything. It's probably here, although I notice the LBGT crowd is carefully omitted from this group - so this movie isn't taking any chances). One exception: An African American student (apparently the only one in the school) is shown to be popular both with the 'cool' kids and the 'unpopular' kids. These 'unpopular' kids agree that he, (Kurtis), is a good guy and is not to come to their 'party'. Party? Looking at the movie poster we get the idea this is about some school-based thing - nope. These unpopular kids are planning the ultimate of revenge in a type of suicide pact.

Don't laugh - this is my fave 'kill 'em all' mask...

So we have Ravi, Dane, Jack and Emily (although several unidentified others help them with their elaborate - read impossible movie garbage - plan). All have families that don't 'get' them. Again, if you think this is something new... read the third paragraph again. It's same-old same-old.

Oh cool... S&M games...

A house that Dane has conveniently inherited is cleaned up and prepared for a big 'final' party. It is to be a costume party, and all the popular kids are invited, thinking it to be some snob kid's bash. They go all out with elaborate and expensive costumes, and taunt the unpopular kids for not being invited. Which is what they wanted. All gather at this house where it seems like the typical teenage type party - no wait, there's no alcohol and no drugs. They're drinking punch? Cool kids don't go to punch parties. But it's part of the plot so shut up. The punch is drugged, and since everyone has conveniently had some, all are knocked out. They wake, finding themselves on the floor chained together. And the fun begins - I mean the torture. I don't know who gets tortured more, these kids, or the people who watch this thing. A speech is given about cruelty, payback, blah blah blah and how these 'hosts' have no intentions of surviving the night although some guests may be allowed to live. Another stereotype (let's just drop that word and assume it applies to everyone or I'm gonna have to type it endlessly) named Miles thinks everything is a joke. As a result, a cattle prod is shoved in his face. For fun I guess they let one boy go, just to be caught in a bear trap and tackled by the 'extra' unpopular kids we weren't really introduced to who are patrolling the grounds on four-wheelers (these kids might be unpopular, but they have money).

Don't worry... after this movie you'll never have to be in another, I promises.

Bernard is given a drug that paralyzes him but he can still feel pain. Emily then sticks needles (no, no, acupuncture needles) in his face. Meanwhile unfortunately the boy they liked, Kurtis, found out about the party and showed up. The four argue about whether to let him go or not but Dane, kind of the leader, says he came, he stays. Ravi doesn't like that and manages to slip Kurtis a key, who gets loose and escapes. As a result Dane kills Ravi (so much for loyalty among outcasts). Heather gets it next - Emily smears a paste on her face that is like a slow form of acid, first there's a tingling, then burning, finally the skin begins to disintegrate. Bridget guesses the girl is Emily (big deal, the only thing she has on is a mask, the clothes and hair are the same) and apologizes. So Emily tells her she won't be tortured IF she cooperates and cuts off Bradley's fingers with small pruning shears. Bridget can't do it, watching Bradley start to cry. So Emily turns to Bradley, offering him the same deal. Bradley, whimpering, is not as... humane. Arguing that he needs his fingers for football (stereo... oops sorry, not writing that word again) he cuts off two of Bridget's fingers. After that Emily gives Bridget the opportunity for payback against Bradley. In horrific pain, she still can't do it. She is punished by having the acid-like 'paste' smeared on her face.

Are you sure this is the only way to lose my virginity?

Meanwhile, somehow Kurtis makes it to a neighbor's house who, because Kurtis is African-American and because it is so late at night, is suspicious of him. Kurtis is knocked out and tied to a chair. He pleads with the man, who agrees to go himself to see if Kurtis is telling the truth. Leaving him there, he leaves, finding a cop who has become victim to the patrolling four-wheelers. Not being terribly bright he soon is crippled in a bear trap but does manage to kill two of the three patrollers (he did bring a gun). Kurtis, being left alone, manages to get free and calls the police. He finds the man in the trap who gives him his gun so he can rescue the others.

Just an ordinary day at the dentist...

Back at the 'party' Dane has gone completely nuts (Now? He wasn't nuts to orchestrate this in the first place? Why now? Oh, because the movie says so.) and gets back at Bradley who had so far escaped injury by maiming his (now former I'm sure) girlfriend Bridget. Dane takes a knife and severs Bradley's spinal cord, paralyzing him (so much for football). Just as the group (Now getting uncomfortable around Dane - apparently they were supposed to be cruel but not THAT cruel. Wait, what were the cruel rules?) are about the cut out the tongue of a boy named Riggs, Kurtis burst in with the gun. But he gets shot by Dane but not before killing Andy (another kid with no backstory, sorry) and as Dane is about to finish him off, Emily, in a fit of - I dunno -  decides to kill Dane. Okay now we're really getting stupid here. Police sirens are heard in the distance and the remaining tormentors know it's the end and Jack kills Emily as the police burst in. Pointing the gun at his head and telling them 'there are more of us' he kills himself.

A news report recounts how the popular kids were abducted and tortured "without reason". The final scene reveals that Bridget is the disfigured girl from the beginning of the movie. And thank goodness it's over. No? C'mon didn't this movie make it's point loud and...

In 2011, a sequel which is rumored to be titled, The Final 2: Torture is in the works (and I thought the FIRST one was torture). The film is based on another group of outcasts who plot a deadly revenge on their bullies. Well THAT'S an original idea. Supposedly Bridget is now one of the outcasts. She's apparently stuck in high school forever. Oh yippie, I just can't wait because.... I watch 'em so you don't have to. Sigh.