I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Throw-Away Movies That Can Still Be Kind Of Fun


John Carpenter Presents Body Bags (1993) Showtime Direct To Video


I call this a throw-away movie because it's really not the horror/thriller it claims to be, but it is still kind of fun because obviously John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper, and a slew of familiar actors decided to have a laugh and make this anthology. It starts with a creepy looking coroner (John Carpenter himself) going through cadavers until he finds some in 'body bags' and proceeds to narrate the tales of how they got there. And fade away to:




The Gas Station: Anne is a college student working night shifts at a gas station. It's dark, isolated, creepy, and she's understandably nervous about being alone. She was met at the gas station by 'Bill' who gives her the basic run down on the place then leaves. Creepy crawly characters show up which makes her that much more nervous. A nice guy, Pete, gets gas but leaves his credit card behind. She soon finds out that 'Bill' isn't who she thought he was and.... well, things get messy. Did she deserve it? You decide.

Hair: Richard is going bald. He tries every comb-over technique imaginable to no avail. His girlfriend tries to console him that it doesn't matter but he doesn't care - all he wants is hair. A clinic advertises complete hair restoration and desperate he decides to try it. He gets all that he wanted and more - we're talking Fabio type hair here. But, being a horror flick of course there's a sinister twist to his new-found look and things get ugly fast for poor Richard. Did he deserve it? You decide.

Eye: Brent wants to play Major League Baseball but that hope is dashed when he's in a car wreck that claims one of his eyes. Since he's a pitcher, that pretty much ends his career. But wait, a doctor claims he can perform an 'eye transplant' that will restore his complete vision. One problem (so far) - the eye is brown and Brent's eyes are blue. Oh well, get a colored contact and off you go. Soon after the surgery Brent is happy to see (sorry, bad pun) that his vision is as good as ever. However he starts to 'see' things that aren't there and begins to dream about killing women and having sex with them. He's kind of a religious guy as well as happily married so of course this bothers him a great deal. Things become worse, to the point where he confronts the doctor about where the eye came from and finds out it was from a killer who was recently executed. A real sick bastard. So the 'visions' become worse and the result is.... tragic. Did he deserve it? You decide.

After telling his three tales of woe (not really that terrifying) it is revealed that the 'coroner' is himself a cadaver, who must go back to his table when the real coroners (Tobe Hooper and Tom Arnold) come back and begin cutting him up. Which pisses him off. Understandably.

This is worth a look if you're prepared to be entertained just by the silly stories and all the familiar faces you see. Among those are David Naughton, Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, Robert Carradine, Stacy Keech, Sheena Easton, Deborah Harry, Mark Hamill, Twiggy, and other not-so familiar faces.

Yes the stories are kind of silly, the premise is ridiculous and the execution is laughable. But I think that was the point of the movie. Here you have your hard-working horror movie makers and directors just having a bit of fun. Check it out and see who you can recognize before the credits run.