I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

Husband's Choice



Thirst (2010) Canadian

Since my husband was kind enough to make a list of movies for me from some site that listed the horrible, the surprising and the even more horrible, I decided to try one off the list that I haven't seen yet. Amazon offers a free month of movie streaming like Netflix (just be sure to end it before a month, or you get popped for a whole year - $79.00. Don't know yet if that would be worth it).

So this is a story about young people used to getting everything they want and so one day they get on a ski lift but the operator doesn't know they're still on there so.... oh, I am SO sorry. That is a different movie. You know what? I'm going to contrast and compare because dammit, they're both almost identical except one is hot and one is cold. The other movie is Frozen (2010) US - so both movies came out at the same time, one in Canada (which was hot) and one in the US (which was cold). That's kind of weird - sort of like Greenland being icy and Iceland being so.. green. So now you're gonna get both:

Thirst (Frozen): 4 (3) young people, used to getting everything they want decide to take a drive out to the desert (go to a ski lodge) and take some professional photos (ski on the last day of the season). The four don't tell anyone where they're going (the three don't realize the lift operator doesn't know they're on there). So the four become stranded when they swerve to miss a wolf and in movie-duh style they crash into a ravine (the three realize they're in trouble when the lift stops while they're near the top and all the lights go out). Now we go excruciatingly slow as the four suffer (now we go excruciatingly slow as the three suffer). One of the four has a subdural hematoma and because although the smart girl knows medicine, even cracking the girl's skull to relieve the pressure doesn't save her and she dies early (as soon as the three know they're stuck one offers to try and jump to ski down for help and suffers open fractures to both legs). Even though they bury her she's eaten by a wolf (he's eaten by a wolf). Now the wolves know there's more meat where that came from they only have to wait (now the wolves know there's more meat where that came from they only have to wait).

I'm female, smart AND pregnant - I'm going to live. DUH.

The remaining three quickly run out of water and two resort to drinking their own pee (unable to hold it any longer, one of the remaining two pees her pants). After arguing about which direction to go, they eventually decide to try for a town that's supposed to be west (after arguing about whether help is going to come, the remaining guy decides to try to make the jump even though it killed the first one). The wolves are waiting (the wolves are waiting). We get long, boring conversations about relationships, failings, the smart girl is pregnant, and our interest is fading fast (we get long, boring conversations about relationships, failings, and our interest is fading fast). Finally they find a little water which is poisoned - one guy doesn't care and drinks himself to death and he's eaten by wolves too (the guy decides to jump, lands on his skis okay and goes down the mountain for help but he's eaten by wolves too). Her husband kills himself because hey, our two movies are uneven and we need to balance the count.

Only one survives, hmmm, I wonder which one?

So there's one left, the girl (so there's one left, the girl). She walks forever, thinking of the baby and finally reaches what she thinks is her goal - which turns out to be exactly where they started from (she debates with herself forever, knowing there's no help coming, and stays put exactly where she is). By sheer coincidence, although the wolves had eaten the first girl, they didn't eat her saline breast implant - okay, ewww (finally deciding that the wolves are busy doing something else she carefully and miraculously gets down from the lift). She somehow has the equipment to set up a crude IV and inject herself with the saline (although freezing and wet she somehow has the strength to ski clear down the mountain). FINALLY she takes the road back which they should have done in the first place (nothing here). As she's about to completely give up all hope a lone car comes by and she's saved - just as it starts to rain (as she's about to completely give up all hope a lone car comes by and she's saved - just as it starts to snow harder). The end (the end).

I think they used the same wolves for both movies.

Wasn't that fun? You got two horrible torture-us-to-death-watching-them-die movies for the price of one review. You're welcome.