Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

IF I STRIP FOR YOU WILL YOU STRIP FOR ME?





Spellcaster (1992)

This was a pure throw-away movie. The production company must have felt the same since the movie was made in 1988 but not released  until 1992. I was feeling... weak and didn't want something I had to pay close attention to. Plus it said it starred Adam Ant, and having had a bit of a crush on the guy (he looked good in makeup and feathers - better than Johnny Depp in my opinion) I thought why not? It's supposed to be just one of those 80's type horror movies, nothing too serious, just a bunch of blow-dried kids wearing leggings with cowboy boots running around looking like idiots. In other words, the usual.

The premise is that Rock TV (their version of MTV) is promoting a giveaway where kids from different countries have a chance to go to Italy to the Diablo Castle (Oh brother, is that the best they could do?) for a contest - somewhere in the castle is hidden a check for a million dollars. Accompanying the lucky kids is a diva full to the brim with her own self-importance, and a VJay. We have stereotypes from several countries, I don't even have to explain them, they're in every movie like this, plus a brother and sister who just happened to BOTH win a place in the contest. Uh huh.

So the movie drones on - the guests are given rooms and food and the rules are simply to look for the check without breaking anything. The owner, Senor Diablo (of course) never seems to make it to welcome the kids or join them during meals. Which means you don't actually SEE Adam Ant (as Diablo) until 75 minutes into the movie. Sigh. I knew it. They sold this movie on Adam Ant's name but didn't hardly use him. When he finally shows up, he of course is the Devil personified. In a suit and bow tie. Sigh again.

Again, this is a throw-away so... the kids get themselves killed (actually they go to limbo) one by one as Diablo rubs his crystal ball (no I'm not kidding) until just the diva and the brother and sister are left. The diva had made a deal to become rich and famous and was going to trade the kids to get her soul back but she's sweet on the brother so she makes a new deal...

Everyone gets a free pass and everybody's alive again - the diva is famous no more because she made the Devil a new deal - he gets to be a VJay on Rock TV, offering young hopefuls contracts to make them rich and famous singers. Sigh. Oh well, he was still handsome.