Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, February 11, 2013


Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

Does it make me seem old that I did not quite get the joke in this movie? It's not the first film by Troma Entertainment I have tried - Troma being almost synonymous with exploitation movies. But I'm sorry, I just didn't see the funny or the point. An earthquake in California ruins the coastline - just where exactly? In every beach scene everything was pristine. As far as the populace goes they show ONE person being evacuated from her home (I supposed a mass evacuation would cost too much money) and she had to go to a care center. Umm, what? She could take care of herself but has to... you know what? Never mind.

Stereotypes are here in spades but then again they're supposed to be. We have the main group (consisting of about five) of Neo-Nazis led by Ricky Johnson - err that's Adolph and his girlfriend Eva. Sorry Adolph, you were much too dark and 'ethnic' to be a Nazi, you weren't even close to being Aryan. Anyway, there's also some young street punks covered in soot and makeup, a group of Chinese surfers, a group of yuppie surfers... you get the idea. And nowhere is there any indication of an earthquake.

It's kind of like the Troma people wanted a combo of Bleach Blanket Bingo, A Clockwork Orange, The Road Warrior, and any other movie they could rip off.

So an oil well worker is out for a jog and happens to be African American. Adolf refers him as, well, you probably know - and the young man named Leroy (oh come on) is killed. That is the only son of the one woman who was evacuated and sent to the care center. And mama gets mad and when mama gets mad she gets even. Finding the funds to not only afford a new Harley Sportster to pretend to ride around on, she also goes into a pawn shop to buy weaponry - the shop of course being owned by a Jew. There is NO enlightenment in this movie. 

She buys a Walther P38, great weapon except it originated in Nazi Germany... oops was I not supposed to mention that? They stopped making this weapon  in 1963 (or 1945 if you read the internet movie firearms database). It's also been used in more movies and television than I could possibly list, although I noticed their list did NOT include this movie.... hmmm. She also buys grenades.

So now it's mad mama against the Nazis since they have killed all the other stereotype groups. And since this movie isn't worth exploring as far as it having any value as entertainment, suffice it to say she kills 'em (some on land, some in the water) and rides off on her Harley laughing like a madwoman. The end.

Well that's more than enough Troma for me so I picked a film that was supposed to be arty, surreal and conceptually deep. In other words, a piece of sh... well, I'll save that for the next review.