Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Monday, February 11, 2013

WHAT THE EVER LOVIN'..... WHAT WAS THAT???




The Oregonian (2011)

There is absolutely nothing sane I can say about this movie. Living in Oregon myself, let me tell you this is not about Oregon in any sense. The protagonist may have come from there, but most of the movie takes place in Washington State. I say that almost defensively because of the incredible suck value - and I think I can speak for most Oregonians when I say we don't want your film here Calvin Reeder. Washington State doesn't either. Go bug (and confuse) some other State 'cause you have no idea what makes a film and I doubt you ever will.


This horrific brown acid trip makes no statement, no story, no reason and no logic from beginning to end. Several times during the movie I had to turn off the sound because for whatever reason he felt we needed an ear piercing note at high volume that was about to blow out my speakers. Between that, the song Pomp And Circumstance playing at various times and another woman screaming at the top of her lungs for no reason, I pretty much had quite enough of his supposed surreal imagery.

I am not alone in thinking this might be the worst non-movie ever made for the Sundance Festival. People actually walked out on it there and they tolerate just about everything - that's how bad this is. From some adult in a frog costume appearing and disappearing to people being dead and then alive and then dead and of course the horrible noise - and the film occasionally bursting into flame or breaking I was bored, insulted, irritated and then just plain done. Did you really think watching a guy urinate endlessly first urine then blood then oil was entertaining? Thought provoking?

People say Calvin Reeder wants to be another David Lynch. Swing and a very wide miss. Go back to film school Mr. Reeder or get a real job.