Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

THIS IS WHY I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER HAVE CHILDREN...













Case 39 (2009)

Can I ask Hollywood a favor? Can we please ease up on the 'it's an innocent child oh wait it's evil' type of movies? We had The Exorcist which people found shocking because it involved a young girl, same with The Omen. There are a couple older movies that also had the 'innocent but deadly' theme but their stories were smart and worth watching. This is definitely not one of the above.

To start with, who said Renee' Zellweger could be effective in a horror movie? I spent most of the time wondering what she was doing there.

The premise is a supposedly abused child (played by Jodelle Ferland who did great in Cabin In The Woods and Silent Hill) who is 'rescued' from her crazy parents and placed in the foster care system. Renee', for reasons never explained (good, the movie was too long anyway), decides to become a foster parent despite her grueling job working for Child Services. 

I would like to say 'and then the fun begins' but what follows is a tedious, predictable spiral of events that anyone could have guessed in the first ten minutes of the movie, but we're forced to watch it play through to the end (unless, of course, you fast forward a lot).

The ending is not surprising and unrealistic. That pretty much sums up the movie too. Not worth bothering with. And Renee'? You're cute, stick to comedies, okay?



                              

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