I Watch 'Em So You Don't Have To

A ZOMBIE'S VIEWPOINT - THAT WE DIDN'T ASK FOR OR WANT...








Colin (2008) UK

English movies seem to be, for the most part, lacking. Whether it is because their point of view on things is different than Americans or they are just trying to be more 'artsy' about their films, you often get a movie that is woefully uneven and even downright boring as hell.

Granted, Colin was not supposed to be a blockbuster film. It was actually for the Cannes Film Festival and was very low budget. But its idea was from a different angle than most, a zombie POV movie.

Colin is infected and we watch him slowly turn into a zombie. He then, after much effort, manages to get outside and wanders a city that apparently has suffered a massive crisis. Gunshots, explosions, fires and of course more zombies are everywhere.

The movie seems to grind on from there, following Colin around as he stumbles and grunts his way through the city streets (as you may already have guessed, there is very little dialogue). Watching a shambling zombie is good for a minute or two, but this is a whole movie. Very little of note happens. Humans are shown in their many colors - those that fight, those that are victims, and a sick bastard who blinds female zombies, shuts them into a cellar, and tosses live females down to them to watch the 'fun'.

As zombies do, Colin starts to show wear and tear. Being already dead, it doesn't slow him down much. Even a grenade that destroys half of his face doesn't seem to bother him any.

So we go through approximately an hour and a half of this until Colin somehow finds his way to his girlfriend's building, the place where he was infected. Flashbacks give a quick backstory as to how he was infected but really, you're just waiting for an ending. There really isn't any. The ending becomes the beginning. 

I really REALLY hate those kinds of movie endings. There's no closure and you have no idea what the final outcome of Colin is (although you probably have a good idea anyway) and you realize you've just spent 90 minutes in the head of a zombie and learned absolutely nothing.