Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

MOVIES THAT SUCK HARDER THAN A BLACK HOLE AND NEED NO REVIEW (WELL, NO LONG REVIEW)





The Gates Of Hell (1984)

 A better title to this stinker would be: The Eyes Of Boredom.

 The director's favorite camera angle for the entire movie was to zoom in on the eyes of whomever was talking - extremely annoying.

 Plot: Something about a priest's suicide in Dunwich opening Hell's gates and the dead coming to life (the zombie reference being the only reason I watched it). I dunno, maybe us 21st centurians are jaded 'cause what was apparently scary back then is just laughable now (of course I also thought The Exorcist was hilarious so...). 

Various grossouts are thrown in willy nilly probably to keep up interest and the movie had no real ending. Dunwich was supposedly the site of the original Salem. Unless you like movies that you need to fast forward until you get to a good part so you don't fall asleep, you can skip this one.

                              
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2 comments:

  1. TimJune 19, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    :) Glad you decided to start the blog i am sure it will be awesome you have talent describing horrible movies and using punctuation :P

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    1. Shoy MohrJune 19, 2012 at 11:18 AM

      Yes. Punctuation is important. As is spelling. And grammar. And context. And.... ahh, you know I'm just putting you on, right? :)

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