Hello to all those faithfully reading and hopefully enjoying this effort to make even the worst horror movie more watcha... aw, screw that - I'm not that good. If a movie makes you cringe because yet another batch of unlikable teens that are pushing 30 are inching toward their deaths, having a party no one does anywhere ever, a paranormal movie is boring you to tears with unending pans of empty rooms, or thanks to CGI technology when people finally bite it, their blood squirts everywhere except on the victim, the ground, the people next to them... you're in good company and this is the right place for you.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

HIGHER EDUCATION WILL KILL YOU





Thankskilling (2009)

Technically this IS about college students on break and they DO die, so this, uh, film kind of qualifies. I've been told about Troma type films - this, while not made by the company itself certainly was made in the spirit anyway. The acting is awful, so are the special effects but I think they're supposed to be. What else can you do with a script that has the turkey saying 'I'll drink your blood like cranberry sauce.'? Or a film that tries to copy the 'Alien' scene by having the turkey burst out of one of the student's stomach? The total budget was $3,500.00 which, if you watch this 66 minute abortion about a demonized turkey, you will totally understand. A small investment gave it the push into distribution.

The best thing to do with this movie is get together all the people you hate the most, lock the door, make them drink cranberry sauce and eat stuffing, then make them watch this movie. Several times. Who knows - you just may have a few dying just trying to get out of there. It sure won't be from laughing. And hey, a sequel has been planned so if you wait a bit you just might have a double torture feature for them.

Fin.